but someone who would like an art based job

Might not enjoy the STEM job as much as I would

if you don't accept a higher authority from outside yourself, you have to make god in your own psyche and then live under him

it is difficult to do

That's what im pointing at

I think there's a difference between accepting someone as authority and accepting authority in general

If you do it right though it is more satisfying than the alternatives

like If I know someone has more power than me and the logical choice would be the obey/please them

Vs if I respect them and do recognize them as my superior

It is the difference between logic and faith there, yeah?

in a way

a variant of the first one could be someone who doesn't like being controlled so blindly disobeys authority for the sake of it

you obey men for pragmatic reasons but you obey a god because you have faith in him

faith is the crucial element that nihilists do not yet have

which I admittedly lack too

That was the hard part for me as well, since I was raised as an atheist and am highly logical

but faith can be derived from reason if you succeed in splitting your psyche into different levels

faith can be justified as a "dominant strategy" like you see in game theory

Damn, I'm not good enough at typing to respond in half a paragraph when you keep following a rabbit hole lmao

and you can also derive personal morality from your most basic aesthetic preferences

gotta type fast my guy

brb

elaborate on 'splitting your psyche'

I was hoping he would do that as well

Are you familiar with the concept of "observing yourself"

as in

observing your mannerisms and flaws?

trying to get an unbiased view of yourself

I try doing that often

as in analyzing your own thought processes and stuff, as they occur

yeah I guess I do that often

whenever I start getting emotional I try to tone it down that way

wow I used to do that too yeah

and I have a flaw of being very impulsive so when I get an impulse and am about to act on it I start thinking about it

don't do that so much it's actually bad for you in the long run

ok

With faith my situation is a bitweird

I am an atheist

have always been one

my parents are agnostic (but they do not know the meaning of agnostic)

claim to be agnostic*