but it is very difficult to make purpose for oneself

Yeah, and many aren't satisfied with that

no I think dissatisfaction is the result of failure in that case

when people go through nihilism and don't have what it takes they become destructive or absurdist

Reality is subject and based off of perception right

well we do have he 'objective reality'

but everyone's perception would alter the way they viewed the world

in that case purpose would be up to the individual

No you're doing it wrong if you think subjective reality is more important than objective reality

I don't think it is

objective reality is obviously more important

but if everyone views the world differently naturally their purpose would be varied

yes

in this way objective reality is where true purpose lies, and individuals' subjective reality is a means to an end

also this is based off of my own speculation I haven't studies philosophy or anything so I might make a lot of mistakes

I think that choosing one's own meaning is kinda dissatisfying even when you are 'successful' , but the real problems is that if we select a meaning in life like we choose something small at an all-you-can-eat or buffet, then the very fact that we are choosing reduces what could have been a larger purpose to something that is much smaller

It's like "can you be satisfied with one meal, even if its minuscule"

Again I think you are confusing failure for success when it comes to making your own purpose

the kind of mental gymnastics it requires is hard to obtain

well lookat me for example

I would like a science or tech based job

and you get it, then?

I would get the most meaning if I could affect the science or tech based world

but someone who would like an art based job

Might not enjoy the STEM job as much as I would

if you don't accept a higher authority from outside yourself, you have to make god in your own psyche and then live under him

it is difficult to do

That's what im pointing at

I think there's a difference between accepting someone as authority and accepting authority in general

If you do it right though it is more satisfying than the alternatives

like If I know someone has more power than me and the logical choice would be the obey/please them

Vs if I respect them and do recognize them as my superior

It is the difference between logic and faith there, yeah?

in a way

a variant of the first one could be someone who doesn't like being controlled so blindly disobeys authority for the sake of it

you obey men for pragmatic reasons but you obey a god because you have faith in him

faith is the crucial element that nihilists do not yet have

which I admittedly lack too

That was the hard part for me as well, since I was raised as an atheist and am highly logical

but faith can be derived from reason if you succeed in splitting your psyche into different levels

faith can be justified as a "dominant strategy" like you see in game theory