It's been difficult with limited financial resources and other goals that took precedent (washing the same week's worth of clothes, I've had for a month, for example, and heat in the dead of winter)

Lawyers around here are slow to advise without a retainer up front, but I don't have 3k lol

Especially when out of two paychecks totaling 2,100 in a month, 1,250 was stolen.

Yeah good lawyers are so damn pricey

What stage of the divorce proceedings are you in? Have you seen a judge yet?

Any, really. I've been trying to see if I qualify for low cost or pro bono attornies, but before anyone will touch my divorce, the criminal thing needs to be taken care of - totally separate lawyer

Do you think you have a chance of getting that 50/50 custody you’re looking for?

Regardless of having a lawyer, you mentioned she cheated on you? Do you have proof you can use against her?

Also sorry, I don’t mean to interrogate or bombard you with questions, if something is too personal I get it, I just feel for you brother, it feels like everything is stacked against you from the get go

Yes, yes, and I'm fine with questions. I want my experience to enrich and benefit people.

It is, but I have good and God on my side. I will go as far as that takes me, and not give energy to the outside stresses of my path

The reason I was able to go from a dark place to where I am now is because I was taken from a toxic environment (was I a good man? a good father? was it worth it? should I change?) into one of support. Numerous people from work, church, and other areas of my life all rallied behind me. All they know of me for sure is that I am 100% devoted to my kids, have always been a kind and caring man, and because of that, they were willing to pull me through

I went from homeless to a barren house. From nothing to a bed, to a dresser, to all of a sudden a home with heat and food.

That would not have happened if not for God, and for what I have shown people of who I am. I choose to remain humble and purposeful. Eyes on the prize.

That all sounds great man, and I'm glad you're relying on your faith to get you through this tough time

i'm also happy everyone around you is both helping you, pulling for you in any way possible

shows you're a good man and father

i'm confused about the eavesdropping thing though, like how did that come about? were you trying to get evidence on how she cheated?

I'm really glad to hear things are getting better @Dan da Dad , and I'm glad to hear your faith is helping. :)

I heard she was talking through the ceiling (I was sleeping in a converted playroom downstairs) [more details to come]

and I could tell it was with her affair partner, but I couldn't make out the words. I knew there was a Kindle under the bed, so I called it an listened in. I overheard them talking like new dating partners would, but also talking about their exploits, which confirmed they had in fact slept together, which she would not admit up until that point

When she found out I listened in, she had me arrested for Invasion of Privacy, which became criminal Eavesdropping - a felony and domestic violence. For listening to the conversation in my own home, in my own room

wow that's pretty wild

were you able to record that conversation? would you be able to use that against her potentially?

But also how is that invasion of privacy if it’s your home and your present?

It is because I'm a man. Her intentions are not to put the children first, but to respond emotionally to her own pain.
I would not be able to use it on court (in Georgia, because I was not party to the conversation), but I finally was able to start getting sleep again. It gave me peace of mind, and I don't know where I'd be if I didn't get this ordeal.

Probably still with her trying to salvage the marriage which would end up in a mental breakdown instead of in my own house, primed to have my kids back.

Even after I found out about him, I tried to fight for this family. I loved her more than it hurt me. When I tell you I never thought I'd be the kind of guy to stick with a cheater, there are circumstances people never imagine to test those theories.

i can't imagine what you went through emotionally. this all seems insane to me how she'd do this to such a good man and father.

if you can't use that evidence, how else are you going to argue that you should have main custody of your kids?

We had equal time over the past few years due to work schedule, so they are comparable. I spend time with the kids in terms of homework, church, playtime and house projects. Remember, I'm not fighting for sole custody.

I feel I can prove my good fatherdom, using testimonials and other things - the time I've spent with my oldest, for example, on homework has had to contribute in some way to her earning the highest grade level in the school four years in a row. They ran out of words her grade in the spelling bee when it came down to her and one other child. She is my co-instructor in my church Taekwondo class (with me)

I see, well using testimonials is a good plan then since all the help you're getting points to you being a good man and father and the judge will see that

There's more, obviously, but at the end of the day, I consider the divorce process separate from the custody process

If you don't win this then there is something seriously wrong with the custody system

And there is...that's the problem. The article I was reading about the statistics may not be proof, but it does not inspire hope

The only thing that I cling to is that I am good, and have been doing good.

agreed, if only there was a way for you to show that you're more capable as a father, with better intentions for your kids than she is

apart from testimonials i mean

are either of your or her family getting involved in this at all?

or is your family not in the area where you are?