Snake, listen up. It all went down five hours ago. Armed soldiers occupied Shadow Moses Island, a remote island off the coast of Alaska. They're demanding the remains of Big Boss. And by the way, Moses...that's a symbol for what you'd call the judgmental father. And Shadow, that's a Jungian archetype, eh. That's your dark side. That's the version of you that's capable of evil. And it exists. It's real, man. It is by no means obvious that your mission is to save your father from your evil twin. It's not a metaphor, you understand that? It's TRUE. It's at least meta-true. So, you need to infiltrate Shadow Moses. But you can't. Except you can! But not really. Because you're useless and pathetic, you smoke too many cigarettes, you barely have any rations, and the few you've got have bloody BUGS all over them for God's sake. And there are a thousand other things wrong with you. So what are you gonna do? Are you gonna not try? Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Pick up your damn DUAL SHOCK™. Learn the damn controls. And then you can move properly in the world. See that box in the top right corner? That's the Soliton Radar, bucko. The dot in the center is you. The red dots are your enemies, and the blue cones are their field of vision. But be careful eh; these are genome soldiers with heightened senses, and an average IQ of 180. That's even higher than Ashkenazi Jews. So you bloody well better watch out. Okay, so-but let's go back to Jews for a moment, because I think it's important. Jews...Jews are the most persecuted people in the world. So they know a thing or two about survival, eh. The holocaust man, that was Hell. If you can live through that, you can get through anything. I have a colleague who's an expert on the subject. Ben Shapiro. His frequency is 141.80. It's only 5.99 a minute with promocode SNAKE. Okay, there are 2 enemy sentries on patrol here. You need to clear your goddamn room. Let's look at your gear. Are you still listening? Snake...? Snake?! SNAAAKE!!!
