well fuck it hear it goes

number 3 when i was 16 my dad was really drinking like hell he was drunk all the time my mother was depressed and me and my sister didn't have anyone to buy basic shit like food so i did some street fighting to make some money and i was drinking, getting high as often as i can to numb the pain from fights

number 2 when shit with my parents was stable i didn't need to fight i when on party with my friends to first time in months to get some time for myself and it want really wrong i was really drunk so they took me to bed and some girl tripping her ass on something well she did some shit i won't say what she did but well i think you guys can imagine what she did

She rape you?

I swear to fuck dude I know so many of my Male friends that have been statutory raped by women

Its wild af

and best one number one after all this shit i found gf she know everything that happend to me and she help me to be somewhat normal but soon after i started doing okey her parents divorced and her mother hated her but my country is shit and she won parental rights to raise her they moved out to another country and we were still together but her mother made her stay at home all the time and took any means to make sure my gf stayes alone with out any help and she bulled her to the point she killed herself only times i seen her it was when she called me on skype and cried all the time i could only watch her getting worst and worst and it went for months it was 5 years ago but i still blame myself for it, i still can forget her i think about her all the time

@Trash Squid the good part is she died couple days after she overdosed

Universal justice

well this and couple of things more made psychiatrist cry

as a person without any strong feelings i can tell that ya story is quite unbelievable i recomend to you get rid of feelings

Damn that gf one is fucked, but you definitely shouldn't blame yourself, it sounds like you had no control over the situation

I strongly suggest trying not to blame yourself or worry to much about things that are beyond your control, it only makes life worse

We have no way to control fate

what would lieing get me? some pitty from ppl on internet? why i would need that?

like to become emotionless to the world around ya find a gola and do everything to achive that. you want have time to think

@DAnteForneus maybe that im emotionless prick who make everyone mad and feel nothing about it

but idk thats kind a deep emotional shit

and im trying to help ya but im not realy comapsioned i count i do science and when i do that i see that emotions and feels are just bumch of chemical and psychical reactions

yea they are i tried getting rid of emotions but it won't help

with out them you are living like a robot

with out them whats is point of living?

@DAnteForneus achiving goals

watch this movie

it helped me with feels

i learned that scoring a gola is ultimate value

and any other things doesnt matter when you on a way to achive that

i only live for shit like this for ardenaline rush that first kiss with loveone gives happenes that you did something great

find a goal

small one at first like climbing local hill

then go bigger like geting promotion

then bigger

and so on so one

and push forward without looking at people

trust me i stoped carring about ppl

i hate most of them just for being themself

almost everyone of them is acting like fucking npc in skyrim

man im acting like npc irl like go to school go home study sleep repeat

that give you immunity to the world around ya

acting like one doesn't mean you are one