Twas the night before Christmas said the elf on the shelf,
but Jeffery Epstein did not kill himself.
The man was then hung in the jail cell with care,
and allegedly Jeffery Epstein was the only one there.
Both the jail guards were nestled up snug in their bed,
and some thought perhaps Jeffrey Epstein's not dead.
And guard one in ‘kerchief, and two in his cap,
Had just settled their brains for a long winter’s nap.
When in the jail cell there arose such a clatter,
the guards seemed to not mind or perhaps to not matter.
A peek at their bank apps they took in a flash,
to see their stock options and piles of cash.
The camera mounted up in the cell though,
Gave a promising flash saying battery low.
When what to their wondering eyes might appear,
but Jeffery Epstein's lifeless body just hanging here.
With a little old bed sheet, wrapped tight on his neck,
we all knew in that moment the rich stacked the deck.
More rapid than eagles conspiracies came,
in memes, forwarded e-mails, even poems, how lame!
Now, Carter! now, Bob Dole! now, Trump even Clinton!
will not see a trial, not even a deposition!
But I heard him exclaim, that damned elf on the shelf
"Happy Christmas to all, Epstein didn't kill himself!"
