Message from @Grumplebee

Discord ID: 407772044898336768


2018-01-30 05:31:13 UTC  

So long story short he almost dies, has a long stay in the hospital, and is severely weakened. My brother and his wife were visiting when he got out of the hospital.

2018-01-30 05:32:16 UTC  

So he's lying in bed having just gotten home, and he is still deathly ill. He looks over at my sister in law, and in a labored, rasping voice says "Jane (not her real name) come here. I need to tell you something."

2018-01-30 05:32:29 UTC  

She moves in closer

2018-01-30 05:32:53 UTC  

"Please come closer, Jane" my dad says

2018-01-30 05:33:13 UTC  

She moves in closer "What is it, Dad?" she says.

2018-01-30 05:33:17 UTC  

I'm in suspense

2018-01-30 05:35:35 UTC  

my dad says "About thirty years ago, I was sitting on the toilet, and I took a big dump. I mean it was huge. Then just as I was about to flush it, this giant turd looks up at me and says "Dada!" So I fished it out of the toilet, named it Albert (not her husbands real name) and that's why his eyes and hair or so brown. Your husband is a butt baby!"

2018-01-30 05:36:12 UTC  

Wow

2018-01-30 05:36:36 UTC  

The best part of this is it isn't the first time my dad told this joke by far.

2018-01-30 05:36:58 UTC  

What's the usual response?

2018-01-30 05:37:13 UTC  

He told me this is where I came from before my brother was ever born. So he was telling this story to a three or four year-old.

2018-01-30 05:37:25 UTC  

Lmao

2018-01-30 05:37:39 UTC  

The usual response the the eyerolling exhasperation you give with any dad joke.

2018-01-30 05:38:06 UTC  

Your dad is something else.

2018-01-30 05:38:27 UTC  

Is that where your humor comes from?

2018-01-30 05:38:39 UTC  

But this guy who is near death wanted his possible last words to be how one of his kids is a piece of crap.

2018-01-30 05:38:47 UTC  

It is certianly an influence.

2018-01-30 05:39:09 UTC  

What a way to go though. Iconic.

2018-01-30 05:39:26 UTC  

To be fair though, my brother kind of had it coming. Now I seqway into a story about the first time he almost died.

2018-01-30 05:39:57 UTC  

So a couple years before that he had a massive heart attack. I found out about this when I am on a date with my future wife.

2018-01-30 05:40:31 UTC  

So i'm pretty shook up. First time something like this happened, and I have an early shift. So i'm trying to rest for the night.

2018-01-30 05:40:55 UTC  

My brother however, is off the next few days. So he responds to this the same way he responds to everything. Goes out and gets drunk.

2018-01-30 05:41:11 UTC  

That's terrible

2018-01-30 05:41:19 UTC  

At around midnight I still hadn't fallen asleep. and I get a call from my brother.

2018-01-30 05:41:52 UTC  

I answer the phone and he says. "Hey grumplebee, I need to talk to you. Mom just called. Dad died.

2018-01-30 05:42:16 UTC  

His last words were "With my final breath I want everyone to know that I hated Grumplebee!"

2018-01-30 05:42:49 UTC  

needless to say I hung up on him.

2018-01-30 05:43:30 UTC  

Dad made a full recovery from both illnesses. Doctor said he woldn't know he'd had a heart attack if it wasn't on his chart, and he only lost 10% of lung capacity in one lung.

2018-01-30 05:44:19 UTC  

Did your dad put him up to it? Why did he do that?

2018-01-30 05:44:46 UTC  

No my dad wasn't up to doing anything at that point. he almost died and was in bad bad shape.

2018-01-30 05:45:05 UTC  

My brother just did it because he was proper drunk and thought it would be funny.

2018-01-30 05:45:19 UTC  

Did you ever tell him your brother did that?

2018-01-30 05:45:24 UTC  

Oh yeah.

2018-01-30 05:45:33 UTC  

He thought it was hilarious.

2018-01-30 05:45:54 UTC  

He probably did. Lol Is your dad doing well now?

2018-01-30 05:46:50 UTC  

Yeah, he's 60 now. Still working, and working on getting his doctorate of edutation. He's always wanted to be a doctor.

2018-01-30 05:47:29 UTC  

Way to go Grumplebee Sr!

2018-01-30 05:47:50 UTC  

And your brother is a better place?

2018-01-30 05:48:01 UTC  

My brother is a whole nother story.

2018-01-30 05:48:30 UTC  

He's had some problems, but let's not get full into that right now.

2018-01-30 05:48:50 UTC  

Your brother sounds like he'll along with your wives family. The messed up ones.