So long story short he almost dies, has a long stay in the hospital, and is severely weakened. My brother and his wife were visiting when he got out of the hospital.

So he's lying in bed having just gotten home, and he is still deathly ill. He looks over at my sister in law, and in a labored, rasping voice says "Jane (not her real name) come here. I need to tell you something."

She moves in closer

"Please come closer, Jane" my dad says

She moves in closer "What is it, Dad?" she says.

I'm in suspense

my dad says "About thirty years ago, I was sitting on the toilet, and I took a big dump. I mean it was huge. Then just as I was about to flush it, this giant turd looks up at me and says "Dada!" So I fished it out of the toilet, named it Albert (not her husbands real name) and that's why his eyes and hair or so brown. Your husband is a butt baby!"

Wow

The best part of this is it isn't the first time my dad told this joke by far.

What's the usual response?

He told me this is where I came from before my brother was ever born. So he was telling this story to a three or four year-old.

Lmao

The usual response the the eyerolling exhasperation you give with any dad joke.

Your dad is something else.

Is that where your humor comes from?

But this guy who is near death wanted his possible last words to be how one of his kids is a piece of crap.

It is certianly an influence.

What a way to go though. Iconic.

To be fair though, my brother kind of had it coming. Now I seqway into a story about the first time he almost died.

So a couple years before that he had a massive heart attack. I found out about this when I am on a date with my future wife.

So i'm pretty shook up. First time something like this happened, and I have an early shift. So i'm trying to rest for the night.

My brother however, is off the next few days. So he responds to this the same way he responds to everything. Goes out and gets drunk.

That's terrible

At around midnight I still hadn't fallen asleep. and I get a call from my brother.

I answer the phone and he says. "Hey grumplebee, I need to talk to you. Mom just called. Dad died.

His last words were "With my final breath I want everyone to know that I hated Grumplebee!"

needless to say I hung up on him.

Dad made a full recovery from both illnesses. Doctor said he woldn't know he'd had a heart attack if it wasn't on his chart, and he only lost 10% of lung capacity in one lung.

Did your dad put him up to it? Why did he do that?

No my dad wasn't up to doing anything at that point. he almost died and was in bad bad shape.

My brother just did it because he was proper drunk and thought it would be funny.

Did you ever tell him your brother did that?

Oh yeah.

He thought it was hilarious.

He probably did. Lol Is your dad doing well now?

Yeah, he's 60 now. Still working, and working on getting his doctorate of edutation. He's always wanted to be a doctor.

Way to go Grumplebee Sr!

And your brother is a better place?

My brother is a whole nother story.

He's had some problems, but let's not get full into that right now.

Your brother sounds like he'll along with your wives family. The messed up ones.