I understand it's a gamble, yes

I could grow up to be 50 years old and in perfect health and everything being super boring

but I really do not see it that way

I think we are all likely to live through a world war, drone surveillance and some real dystopian stuff

as it is basically already starting now

so I do not see it as necessarily a bad thing that I am a person who needs progressive stimulation in life

that's your problem

and if it comes down to it, when I retire I want to draw comics

inability to see outside yourself

you obviously have some insight into your situation

in terms of mentality/psyche

and you realize its not okay

trebling down is not the answer, its not a solution, its the problem manifesting itself

the only way out is through exactly what you wouldn't even dream of doing

and probably would be afraid of

suicide?

no, no

self abnegation

it's not pain all the way down

the "medicine" for the pain

actually makes it worse

just shifts the misery to the end of life

or later in life, whenever, it's difficult to say

the real reason I want you to do the 24 hour exercize @Deleted User 57835c2c is to see whether you are actually a hollow person or if what I think is correct, that there's something in there that's good

what if I were a hollow person and good at the same time?

not possible

oh, but it really could be

I don't want to argue about it

I'm serious, I think that may be one of your unchecked premises

no, I've considered it pretty thoroughly, but our discussion will end up being a back and forth about good

I mean, so I may have a "personality disorder" or whatever you'd like to call it, but obviously it has pros and cons because I am still able to function at a quite high level

which will end, well

badly

function, I don't care about function

and I am unwilling to change it, at least at this current point

I don't care about personality disorders

I care about true things, and real people

that's good to me

so by definition, a hollow person cannot be good

at best they can be not-actively-bad

so wouldn't it be smartest for you to figure out how to just make it useful?