My favorite time travel trope is the one where they go back in time to change an event and accidentally end up being the cause of that event

One time travel movie idea I hope to write one day is this one where this brainwashed lib believes it would have been better for the US to have lost the Revolution and discovers a friend/relative created a time machine. The lib tries to go back in time to stop the bullet heard round the world from being shot, but the inventor of the machine stops them and they end up somewhere stranded in time. Not sure when or where but basically the lib sees the importance of liberty or something and realizes how important it is to the rest of the world and all of human existence that America won the revolution and then when they get the time machine working again or something, the now ex-lib travels to the battle of Lexington and Concord and ends up being the one to shoot the Bullet Heard Round the World

There are a ton of holes and things to work out but that’s the gist

I’d love to continue discussing Time Travel, but I have to get going. See ya!

Practicing drawing people by drawing a character from a story I’m working on

Ah, yes, one of my favorite pastimes, posting questionable quotes from my story with zero context

_pingme

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Sure!

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I know, lol

Haha, that’s great

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My MC’s last name is Berry lol

Nice job!

Sure!

I'll post the *very* beginning part of my story. So far I have 146 pages written and am in the process of almost completely redoing the beginning

Also, MofoDoggo, I was able to read yours. I like the worldbuilding. I like all the different fantasy races and I think it gives off a DnD feel (although I've only played DnD a few times so maybe I don't know what I'm talking about) but I like that, and I'm a real sucker for fantasy.

However, I don

Sorry, not finished

stupid enter key

However, I don't know how to critique much of the story thus far just because it's in the middle of a war. I haven't read many war novels so I don't know if this is typical or what you were going for, but it is a little slow moving. But, like I said, I haven't read many war novels. It was also hard to know whose PoV it was and I wasn't sure who the main character was (I guessed it was Jackson from what you said earlier but in the text it felt like the MC was the general)

However, the second chapter you did a much better job of this and Kaylin felt like she had a distinctive voice and I could immediately tell it was in her PoV

All in all, I'm excited to see where the story goes and I'm glad you posted this excerpt

Give me a sec to read yours, dastenhero

Disclaimer: I'm the absolute worse person to give advice on writing romance so take my opinion with a grain of salt

Margo and Dmitri are cute, and I like that we can *see* that they love and care for each other rather than outright having Dmitri say "yeah i like really like you Margo" you can see in his actions and how he treats her that this is the case

However, I know you've been trying to figure this out, but it really is hard to guess how old these two are. The only description we get of them are their ages at the beginning, but that's it. Physical descriptions are important for screenplays too because you want to sell it to someone who will make the movie, and you want them to picture how it will look on the big screen while they read.

I don't know which would be better, to have them younger or older. I haven't read Tom Sawyer in years so I don't remember that relationship. But their relationship did seem a little odd though I can't pinpoint what it is. My suggestion is to reread the parts of Tom Sawyer with that romance and try to figure out what it has that is missing from your story and see if you can implement it

Yeah! I'm assuming Jackson and Kaylin are Persons A and B?

I'm using duel perspectives too ~~actually i visit way more than two characters' PoV's help~~

I've never actually dated anyone at all, the closest was this guy I met at my college's writing group who later joined YAF with me but he had issues he had to work through

But yeah, I'm struggling with not one... not two... BUT THREE FREAKING ROMANCES RIGHT NOW AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO DO AHHHHHHHH

it's fine i'll figure it out

Oh, I see

I usually draw my characters when I'm stuck or when I just want to explore a concept
It helps me envision them when I write

Thanks! I’m glad you like the grandparents, they’re some of my favorite characters. After I finish this story I want to write a prequel about how they met

A lot of the same things you mentioned were brought up by other people too. I’m really bad with exposition, lol.
But you’re right, a lot of things are just kind of glossed over and I think it would be better if we could see their reasonings of why they don’t go the Heart of the Mountains right away, I didn’t even notice that
I really appreciate your critique and I’ll keep all of this in mind when I go over this section again!

(also, see ya soon!)

High fantasy

Thanks! I like yours too 😁

I like Kaylin

She’s fun

Awwww that’s too bad

I’m assuming it has something to do with her burn scars

I wish. It’s one of my longterm goals but I’ve only started actively writing two years ago and I’m still in school :/

I *do* want to know but I’m also not sure if I want it spoiled

How long in the story until we find out?

Oh! I did make a Children’s book and self-published it on Amazon but I’m not sure that counts (also the formatting went crazy on me)

Dang. Well. That would do it. So the Colonel was from the Axigridian republic/empire and lied to Kaylin about it?

What are the names of books you’ve published?

Oh I see

Ohhhhh I misunderstood what you were saying, I thought you said the Colonel was part of the reason her house burned down, my bad

That’s still pretty awesome, though!

I hope all goes well!

Moving really takes a lot out of you

War, characters, magic

not sure if that's what you're looking for but I'm really bad at summing things up in three words

That's so cute!

I have a lot of younger brothers so I totally understand

I read this short story I wrote that was basically the Little Mermaid but instead of mermaids it was deadly basilisks and one of my little brothers was really into it until it got to the romance parts and then he walked out of the room just to annoy me, lol

I bet they really appreciated your stories

That’s awful, I’m sorry :/

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you too

To be completely honest, I'm struggling a lot with it

You're good XD

Yeah, I understand that

It

*It's a lot harder to write during a sprint when you're not sure where the story is going

At least, that's my case

Actually, the struggle isn't so much where it's going, but how it starts

No, this is the same one. The issue is, however, that there's a main plot and a sub plot and I already have all of the main plot figured out and I know how to end the sub plot but I don't know how to get the ball rolling

XD

The issue isn't so much that I don't know what happens, but how much of it I should tell and how the PoV characters reacts to it all

I could write a history book about with no characters reacting to what happens and it would be fine but I don't want it to be a history book

Yay! I'm not alone!

Probably, I just haven't really experienced it yet

What I think I might do is write the scenes that I have down pat as far as how the character reacts to what's going on and then I'll write backwards from there

And adjust it as necessary

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I'm totally down! I think I'm actually making progress now!

Okay

I'm so excited! I wasn't sure how to start this story so I started writing the scenes I already knew, hoping that they would help me figure out what I needed to establish in the beginning and they did!

How much have you written since I read it?

Oh nice!

as someone with an annoying newer mac, I am jealous

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What's wrong?

Why does she need to recognize him?

I meant why is it important to the plot? If you can figure that out, it will be easier to find a solution

I see

Aw dang

Oh, was his real father important?

Could he still get honored in the newspaper without leaving the military? Would that work somehow?

Could Jackson have done that?

Is that how all the soldiers are or just him?

Gotcha

I gave my MC a self-inflicted curse that's more inconvenient than helpful lol

Oh yeah that is inconvenient

My MC's curse is like being a werewolf except it's a dragon

dang, that is unfortunate

Dang, so Jackson doesn't even know he has the mana-infused thing

I'm a sucker for heroes who had their memory wiped and had no idea they were heroes/had a special backstory. I have a story where I use those tropes

wait WHAT