I agree I have issues that need to be solved! I am solving them head on I've made big process this week.

Yes I typed that. Inappropriate completely

I was also suspicious of putting our phones in a box I've never heard of it. I was told so much has changed and I didn't know what I was getting myself into. When I told you I could barely wipe my ass I wasn't lying. I let everything fall into a mess. I used to have everything good, a house, wife, job, and I am going to get all of it back

I will check them every day

I can if I'm needed to.

I've checked them both

I will certainly be willing to take bigger risks when my entire life isn't at risk, if I lose my van I lose everything including hope. I will take the bigger risks when I am caught up, comfortable, familiar, and prepared for all the changes, as of now I don't know what I'm getting into, I'm not prepared, I'm told a lot has changed. I used to know everything, I want to get caught up, and change this vibe that's off between us, what would be a good way to get me caught up?

My van

I didn't have a spare tire and my tires are bald, but I just fixed this this week

Many reasons my life is an absolute mess

I'm fixing it

I said I wasn't coming the whole time

I only agreed last minute because I felt obligated to, and I shouldn't have

I haven't spoken with many people at all in the last 2 years

I came home to fix my life and redeem myself and it's not going well

I did not flake before I left any different than other members, but I understand what you mean. My job shouldn't be more important when I have everything I need

I agreed last minute and flaked last minute recently. After making a big deal about being labeled a flake

I recognized that prior to flaking. Didn't want to do it especially after making such a big deal

I haven't spoken with many people in the last two years. Almost nobody

I disagree.

I really wish this wasn't happening

Fixing myself will happen. It's happening progressively every week now

I will right now

We met, it was the first interaction I've had in a very long time. I didn't want it to end. I didn't want to let you guys down especially after you both drove all that way. I meant it when I said I'd come

Up until that point I didn't think about coming at all, because I want going to go. After agreeing I realized if something happened to me I could lose my van forever, the warrant popped into my head.. then I heard about a box for our phones and my instincts told me I'm not ready. So I told jason the night before I flaked

I am not aware of the lie other than flaking

The former aggressiveness was in response to being challenged, I didn't attack him or surprise him, its an american tradition, an agreement, and I have the right to be nervous and intense when I could have my brains rocked. He also said he was gojng to curb stomp me, he's bigger, younger, marine, who specializes in unarmed combat. I didn't flake out then

I haven't been to a demo in years but I haven't been home in years either

I lost my family! You don't know what it's like not having a support system. It's difficult to imagine because I couldn't imagine it before I lost mine.

I do not believe what I said in chat to jason was a threat, I have never been aggressive with anyone smaller than me, chef can tell you, he's smaller, called me genetically retarded, we sparred, I didn't hit him hard once, for example. I thought Alex and I were going to have a man vs man fight and respect each other afterwards, American tradition, yes I was intense, it's scary.

Paranoia is real, but I recognize it and know to be skeptical of it

Changing my phone number has become free and easy, sometimes I do it just to do it. I was taught never share my phone number and to just stay anonymous online.

Please understand that this whole time I was not planning on going to the event. I only agreed last minute because I was asked in person, I caved to peer pressure and fear of social shame. I THEN began to think of all the complications, from warrants to impounds, to making a stupid mistake because I am not prepared, I know this is an excuse but I am owning it.