Nathan, at the end of the day the situation is out of my hands. You need to get your life together, and I'm happy to help you outside the org, but you are so paranoid you change cellphone numbers every month. In Patriot Front we take risks. You have to be willing to do that

I will certainly be willing to take bigger risks when my entire life isn't at risk, if I lose my van I lose everything including hope. I will take the bigger risks when I am caught up, comfortable, familiar, and prepared for all the changes, as of now I don't know what I'm getting into, I'm not prepared, I'm told a lot has changed. I used to know everything, I want to get caught up, and change this vibe that's off between us, what would be a good way to get me caught up?

Your life isn't at risk. I and some others feel that you will always have an excuse.

My van

You could have left it a Jasons. Ok, and if you have a house? Someone can always break in, right?

Listen, Nathan, I like you, I think you're a good guy, but the behavior you've exhibited can't be allowed in the Org. You

I didn't have a spare tire and my tires are bald, but I just fixed this this week

Always an excuse

Many reasons my life is an absolute mess

I'm fixing it

You have excuses, yet you never tell us in advance

I said I wasn't coming the whole time

I only agreed last minute because I felt obligated to, and I shouldn't have

I haven't spoken with many people at all in the last 2 years

It's not about fixing your life, you need to control your emotions and mental state. You are a loose cannon.

You talk about fixing your life, then take some responsibility, stop making excuses, and honor your word

I came home to fix my life and redeem myself and it's not going well

Don't make empty promises, don't say things without thinking. Plan ahead.

You're doing the same stuff you did before you left.

Flaking, and acting psychotic

I did not flake before I left any different than other members, but I understand what you mean. My job shouldn't be more important when I have everything I need

I agreed last minute and flaked last minute recently. After making a big deal about being labeled a flake

Lol exactly.

Even then, after we met you, talked to you about your problems, offered to help anyway we can, and you flake out. After spamming the chat because you were mad you got called a flake. You flaked.

I recognized that prior to flaking. Didn't want to do it especially after making such a big deal

I haven't spoken with many people in the last two years. Almost nobody

Stop with the damn excuses.

You say you value PF so much, yet you are hardly involved.

Nathan, would you get Threema?

That way, I can contact you after you're out. I don't want to abandon you, but you need to take a break from Patriot Front

I disagree.

It doesn't matter

I really wish this wasn't happening

Then fix yourself, and come back and show who you really are

Fixing myself will happen. It's happening progressively every week now

We had you on mumble, met up with you to discuss your issues or problems, and when you promised you'd come with us to National you used a literally last minute excuse. You have lied to me and other members, and threatened Jason TX when he called you out on it. You have not been to a demo in years, and you have become aggressive to other members for perceived slights against you. Until you get your emotions and paranoia under control, we can't have you in the Organization. Your erratic behavior puts us at risk to persecution by law enforcement. I'm sorry brother, don't take this personally, but realize you are at fault and need to improve yourself.
Take care out there, and good luck.

Read this, actually read it

I will right now

We met, it was the first interaction I've had in a very long time. I didn't want it to end. I didn't want to let you guys down especially after you both drove all that way. I meant it when I said I'd come

Up until that point I didn't think about coming at all, because I want going to go. After agreeing I realized if something happened to me I could lose my van forever, the warrant popped into my head.. then I heard about a box for our phones and my instincts told me I'm not ready. So I told jason the night before I flaked

I am not aware of the lie other than flaking

The former aggressiveness was in response to being challenged, I didn't attack him or surprise him, its an american tradition, an agreement, and I have the right to be nervous and intense when I could have my brains rocked. He also said he was gojng to curb stomp me, he's bigger, younger, marine, who specializes in unarmed combat. I didn't flake out then

I haven't been to a demo in years but I haven't been home in years either

I lost my family! You don't know what it's like not having a support system. It's difficult to imagine because I couldn't imagine it before I lost mine.

I do not believe what I said in chat to jason was a threat, I have never been aggressive with anyone smaller than me, chef can tell you, he's smaller, called me genetically retarded, we sparred, I didn't hit him hard once, for example. I thought Alex and I were going to have a man vs man fight and respect each other afterwards, American tradition, yes I was intense, it's scary.

Paranoia is real, but I recognize it and know to be skeptical of it

Changing my phone number has become free and easy, sometimes I do it just to do it. I was taught never share my phone number and to just stay anonymous online.

Please understand that this whole time I was not planning on going to the event. I only agreed last minute because I was asked in person, I caved to peer pressure and fear of social shame. I THEN began to think of all the complications, from warrants to impounds, to making a stupid mistake because I am not prepared, I know this is an excuse but I am owning it.