That is understandable. At the end of the day whats done is done. You've been in pf for around 9 months now, so you should make it your goal that by the 1 year mark you'll have made some tangible physical improvements. What matters most is what you do going forward to rectify your previous mistakes. Get serious about including cardio and/or dieting (ideally both) into your talks with Johnny.

If by the new year you've not made any improvements I will put you in the Lifestyle Recovery group. The only reason you're not in it now is because of that conversation we had a around 3 months ago where I let you decide if you wanted to be in it or not. If you can make these improvements using just Johnny then I'm more than happy to let that happen, but if you give me reason to believe that you need the lifestyle recovery group to improve yourself then I will put you in there. Its helped me a lot.

Let the DC demonstration be a wake up call. You didn't ruin the demo or utterly fail, but you did perform very poorly. Now you have hard concrete evidence to point yourself towards and say "this is why I need to improve." The nashville demo and partially philly did that to me. I was one of the least aesthetic people at nashville, and I performed physically pretty bad. Philly I was closer to average, and at DC I'd say I was average. Now you know what you need to improve and why. If that means you lose 20 pounds and only do cardio then cool. If that means you lose 10 pounds but get super good cardio then cool. If that means you lose no weight but build up stellar cardio and overall fitness then right on. What won't be acceptable is performance at the next demo (whenever that is) which is worse or just as bad as at DC. Thomas and myself both care about growth more than almost anything.