@everyone ATTENTION ALL EDEN’S GATE DEVOTEES
THE FATHER NEEDS YOUR HELP
THE CHURCH IS IN GREAT DANGER OF NOT GETTING THE VICTORY ROYALE
WE NEED FUNDS TO BUY ILLEGAL MACHINE GUNS FROM RUSSIA TO TAKE OVER CHRISTIAN COUNTY, ILLINOIS; or LINN COUNTY, OREGON.
ALL WE NEED IS THE LONG NUMBER ON YOUR MOM’S CREDIT CARD, THE THREE LITTLE FUNNY NUMBERS ON THE BACK, AND THE EXPIRATION DATE
DON’T WAIT. THE PROJECT AT EDEN’S GATE DOESN’T HAVE LONG UNTIL THE FEDS SHOW UP AND ARREST US
