no. this is usually school work stuff

would there be a more preferable channel for me to post it?

you can put them in <#720450552416305254> , <#730962644428914729> , <#797148988188786728> and/or <#797147888625909810>

post in all of them? sure <:KEKW:663972443811217409>

don't spam <:KEK:795742276549607456>

Hey guys, I have an essay due tonight. I am still working on the second half of it, but would anyone mind proof-reading my first two paragraphs? I am writing about the Texas revolution. Thanks for considering!

i can help you out 👀 i'm not good with the grammar part, tho, so you'll have to do that on your own or ask someone else

thanks bro, im more worried about the structure anyways :)

" In the early 1800s, the Mexican government refused to recognize the sovereignty of Texas as an independent colony by denying its citizens representation in government and increasingly extending its authority into the various provinces of Mexico. Additionally, Mexico began imprisoning Texans for political reasons, oftentimes delaying their trials or shipping them out of Texas for trial in a Mexican court. Furthermore, the Mexican military failed to respect the individual freedoms of its citizens by attempting to confiscate guns, shipping vessels, and land amongst other things. After failing to receive recognition for their grievances through the judicial and legislative system, Texas declared its independence from Mexico in 1835. As a result, the Mexican army invaded in full force in an attempt to retake its lost state and were naturally met by the newly-formed Texan army. Desperate to defend their new-found freedom, every sacrifice and martyr in defense of Texas served to further the rebels resolve for victory.

After decades of increasing tyranny, the Council of the Provisional Government of Texas met on December Twelfth, 1835, to select delegates to represent each major city in the drafting of the Texas Declaration of Independence. Their initial intention was to leverage a threat of secession in hopes that the Mexican government would restore the Mexican Constitution of 1824. Instead, Mexico promptly responded by invading Texas in full force. On their path to crush the rebellion, the Mexican invasion force was delayed in San Antonio by some two-hundred Texan rebels fortified in the Alamo mission. From February twenty-third to March sixth of 1836, the defenders of the Alamo withstood a massive siege by some five-thousand Mexican troops. Meanwhile, the Delegates of the People of Texas officially convened in Washington, Texas on the first of March to unanimously declare the independence of the Republic of Texas. "

is there a thesis for the essay, or are you just recounting what happened?

Yes, sorry, ik its not super clear.

Our prompt is this: "Analyze and evaluate the impact of this example on society. (Does the example prove or disprove the stated theory? [nonconformity can lead to chaos and anarchy])"

My thesis is this: "Desperate to defend their new-found freedom, every sacrifice and martyr in defense of Texas served to further the rebels resolve for victory. "

My teacher said it answers the promt, but I feel its not a super clear transition. :/

i think it does. so just to clarified: "After the rebels force in texas won a fragile new freedom, other sacrifices in defense of this new-found freedom strengthens their resolve to be free [from mexico?]"

yes sir.

I think fragile describes it quite well

Thanks for the help! it really means a bunch!

okay so from a quick overview, the topics of the two paragraphs are splitted as follow (from my opinion):
First paragraph -- comformity were enforced by the mexico government by tyrannical means
Second paragraph -- rebellous spirit started as democratic/peaceful force and grow stronger as the tyrannical rules increase

^^^ from my opinion, structurally, the information could have been conveyed better if it's in chronical order. i personally would have begin a new paragraph at "after failing to receive recognition (....)" and maybe merge that part with the beginning of the second paragraph

mm. So I am writing the third paragraph rn, and the topic I chose was "Grievances Against the Mexican Government" I think it touches on the whole "conformity was enforced through tyrannical means" decently well. I do agree it should go first

i think it depends on you 👀

personally i'd write everything out first and edit later

mk

it's nearly 12:00 on my end, so sprint, kiddo <:salut:730846445732888630>

aight, gn bro!

nah, i'll be hanging around for a bit more, but good luck to you 👀

preciate' it. My teacher said as long as I get it in before 6:00 AM EST, so I should be able to clean it up nicely. :)

@sixfivebyfiftyfive how did your essay go yesterday 👀

Guys I need

help

So I have to do a "democratic issue" for World Studies and it will be a letter to my representative<:Brainlet:752612764287238240>

and I need to sound liberal

I would've wanted to do Election integrity but then my teacher be like "Ur a trump supporter, u racist bigot"<:NPC:720120095581405256>

So what liberal topic should I write about?

Guys i need help

wot

@isoboto Do you have any recommendations?

why you ask me <:LeoDecaprio:768140752525852742>

hang on lemme read

You help everyone here 🙂

I just need to answer this i know the rest