and i prayed for the first time in my life

sounds like sleep paralysis. That's horrible

and he disappeared immediately

yes

sleep paralysis is demonic attachment

and when I called to God

a light shone in my window

everything was vibrating, booming

incredible power

and then I said sorry about my dead friend and we 'talked' for a while

the next day I went to work to tell a coworker about it

and hes out having a smoke break and some mexican preacher is there

he tells him to leavve

but mexican guy turns to me and says "to never know God is forgiveable but to be shown God and turn your back is not" and walks away

I'd like to have an experience like that myself. so if God is real he can show himself to me.

He doesn't always do that

then why should I trust he exists?

you need to seek him

I used to be very Christian

believe it or not

humble yourself, get on your knees and pray to Him. tell Him you need revelation to continue the faith b/c you are losing it

ask for it

he'll show

I did,actually

a lot of times. I went to church more. I prayed for my confusing feelings to stop for many years

I told God I would deny them

And that I wouldn't doubt God's existence

but it never stopped

the last time I prayed was when I was crying in a public bathroom down on my knees pleading for a sign

and i looked everywhere for god but he wasn't there

He's always there, especially for the contrite spirit

then why didn't show then?

it would have changed everything for me

keep trying. be thankful and think about His creation. tell him what you are thankful for, and what is glorious, then ask again for revelation. He will deliver

no he won't

he really won't

you need to know he will

because he isn't there

and he was never there

and that's what Ill believe until I see otherwise

that's the attitude I had