if you feel great pain, accept it and do nothing else

never think badly about anyone

become baby jesus essentially

Jesus is not like that though

in the end times Jesus is going to come back and kill anyone who sucks

sure, just as an example I mean

be a truly innocent soul

i.e. fake it or whatever, force yourself to do that

become weak, a shmuck etc.

plagues, wars, poisoning the oceans, locusts, then coming out of heaven with a flaming sword and an angelic army to murder anyone still alive who sucks at all

no

I would rather be like Jesus than do that

it's an exercize really, you dont end up weak

the point is you break past your issues and become truly strong

rather than just evil

what does strength mean

not trying to "deconstruct," just be clear

I would say it means two things together, corresponding with inner and outer nature

the strength to overcome, and the strength to subsume/accept

without one, the other becomes meaningless

so truth and love together, is strength

the strength to overcome on its own can even be a kind of weakness

like a bully beating on schoolkids

the strength to accept can also be weakness

calmly watching the world go by, never acting

but both I think is true strength

I think a big part of the reason I am this way is that in my current life stage there is nothing I desire at all

there is no way to recombine the elements of my day to day life in a way that is at all pleasing to me

it's a fundamentally futile endeavour anyway

to mix and match

there is no scenario I can concoct in which commute, dress clothes, coworkers, boss, paperwork etc. becomes an enjoyable and fulfilling experience

you can't know what you really want when you're so focused on hiding from some discomfort

or dealing with some discomfort

therefore I do not even try and just become cycnical while scrambling for the exit

the #1 thing I want is no job

I'm not sure that would be fulfilling either

even if I have to eat nothing but lentils and sleep on bare plywood

in itself no, it will not

someone who is fulfilled is that way, to an extent, regardless of circumstance

but unlike job life it will let me be free to seek fulfillment

the party is still BYOB, but with a job I am not even invited to the party at all