spending most of my waking time doing something that isn't part of that is therefore a huge problem

and some might say "yeah but you can discipline yourself to figure out how to cultivate virtue through any activity"

but I don't really see it that way anymore, I can't explain that clearly yet though

why isn't it virtue?

remember

what personal virtue am I developing through this?

think of souls

I am; of mine

not of worldly consequences

personal virtue, you're using a different meaning of virtue now

virtue as in good deed

no, earlier that is how I meant it

in any case

good deeds have a spiritual effect

I meant virtue in the sense of building up the self, your own personal soul, as a clean offering to God

and bad deeds too

both may not be apparent

the thing about that is

you are not the judge of curation of your soul beyond a limited extent

otherwise you could yourself decide

what is right and what is wrong

and do accordingly

at the very base, that IS what you have to do

you ultimately have to make a decision to follow some religion etc.

exactly

but other than that, it may not be apparent to you

why some things are good

and some things are bad

and the ability to decide anything is what this line of work has ripped away from me

that's why I feel it's my moral imperative to quit if I am able

intuition and scripture tells me that saving a soul is worthwhile

and it makes sense to me it is

as repentance is open to everyone, all the time

my religion tells me that not every soul is worth saving, though that is a back page secret

hence I would save even a child rapists/murderers life if I could

to later execute them

I wouldn't, and neither would my god, depending on the content of their souls

every life is not worth saving objectively

but subjectively

you cannot know

true, unfortunately