Hello everyone! I could use some advice. I am struggling in a situation.

I had a 2 month fling with a girl but I was a virgin so I got really attached to her. It turns out she has a boyfriend and she started a new college this year in another state (few hundred miles away). I've visited her twice before finding out about the boyfriend but she keeps re-assuring me she's breaking up with him soon. She has an insane amount of red flags. In her college here, she reported 4 separate men for sexual harassment. She's bipolar and has high levels of ADHD (54mg Concerta daily). I can't get over her even though I understand the red pill and mgtow philosophy.

I know she'll cheat on me if I ended up dating her and it wouldn't work out. There is no future with this girl, let alone any girl. It's just all so hard to believe. The sex was the only thing that really worked out.

The problem is... this feels like a drug that is still in my system.

I've shown the messages she's sent me to many different people and described the situation and they all say she's toxic.

What's hard is 1) I feel responsible for her because she's a child basically and 2) I feel I won't experience those good feelings with anyone else again. It was just pair bonding and good sex... I know that. It just sucks.

I have been acting like a total simp.

I do everything for her and she's condescending and rude to me.

Why is this so hard?

Why can't I just let her go?

I hate emotions.

Why couldn't she just reject me? It would be easier at least.

"Vasopressin is a man-made form of a hormone called "anti-diuretic hormone" that is normally secreted by the pituitary gland. Vasopressin acts on the kidneys and blood vessels. Vasopressin helps prevent loss of water from the body by reducing urine output and helping the kidneys reabsorb water into the body."

I think so

Yeah?

Ugh.

Yeah...

The fear I have is with the fact that she's crazy and if I ghost her I know she will retaliate somehow.

I know if I have sex with someone else (multiple friends have lined it up) I will bounce back in due time.

haha

I will slowly stop responding over the next few weeks.

Why is the pull for me to get in the car and go fuck her still in my mind? Why the fuck is biology so strong? I hate it.

I know the moment she turns 21 she is going to truly destroy herself. She goes on weekend binges now, underage, so I can't imagine how much dick she will ride and how much damage she will do to herself by 25.

We've had insanely good sex but you know the fucked up part?

I honestly don't think I enjoy it that much. I enjoy making her happy so to me it is about hitting the next high record.

It's a game to me.

Yes!

I love it.

I made her cum 7 times today, tomorrow it will be 9 and let's see what we can do the next day. I made her squirt, let's do it again. It's that thrill of making her so happy that really makes me happy and then I can enjoy it more. I don't get it.

Yes, that's when I feel weird too.

It's getting to that point that is so fun to me.

She's in a different school than me and I am working.

She's 19. I am 23.

I work full time as an engineer.

So you wouldn't advise I drive a hundred miles for her? lol

I know it's stupid.

I am attached.

I need to cut it.

It's bad I want more with her.

True.

I don't drink.

She drinks a lot.

She's insanely emotional.

I will.

That is another huge red flag...

She kept trying to take off my condom.

She said she wanted me to cum inside her.

I am.

I knew that.

I didn't.

I kept it on.

I know she's playing me: dildo, vibrator, emotional tampon and I helped her with homework three times now (discrete mathematics/programming).

If she gets knocked up - money.

The fucked up part? My biology is saying "this is fine. Cum inside her." I am an idiot.

@Xychotic I know.

@Xychotic It really is an annuity isn't it... Jesus Christ.

haha

I am so fucked.

I haven't fucked her for a month now and got tested 4 days ago - STIs. I did blood and urine.

lol

No

Thankfully

No STI but it can take 6+ months for some.

I need to be. I know. I just can't stop mentally. I have idealized her. I know she's not what I built up and it kills me.

@TomPnoid She keeps begging me to come up.

I don't think I can do casual sex.

It seems meaningless.

I know she's fucking other dudes.

She fucked guys while hanging with me.

Like same week lol

I know.

It's just hard to actually swallow all this.

The guy left his shirt in her apartment living room and came by to get it as we were fucking.

She was like "no no, I got drunk and I didn't like it. I don't even like him."

Right!?

OR!

"He's like a brother to me."

Jesus Christ

hahaha

Apparently

Yes!

I need to just have no emotions.

If I had no emotions this would all be gravy.

@Xychotic I have insane self discipline when it comes to anything but sex. I am straight edge. Sex is my drug of choice.

Yes

I am ripped.

I workout 3 days a week.

@TomPnoid What do you mean?

This started as that...

I grew feelings.

She started with the "I love you" and "baby" shit.

I didn't buy it.

Then I bought in all at once.

I don't know how. It just happened.

I didn't consciously choose this bullshit.

@TomPnoid I think I actually have a setup for that. I'll have to ask her.

How long does it take to get off this emotional high/trip?

I doubt it will take me days.

It's been since June, lol.

@TomPnoid No social media. No stalking. She sends me ass pics and her playing with toys every day.