I check the server every day at least three times, and 90% of the time when I do it’s just guys talking about nothing, so when it’s 7PM I don’t feel like checking Rocket chat to see guys cooming for the 10th time over some random twitter post and happen to be reminded about the mumble meeting tonight.

And on Mumble, I do nothing but listen to the same thing I read on the server. The last meeting I was at I literally never said a single word. And as for the few times during meetings I do talk, let me tell you there is no sentence I hate to hear more than “What’s going on David?” Because 1: It means I need to talk, And I HATE talking! I hate it when I talk, I hate it when others talk. And 2: It means I have to talk about my life, which I have nothing to say about because my life is nothing. All I have to talk about is how much I hate life. All the other meetings I have been at I contributed nothing. The activism that you plan on Mumble or the server all happens on the West side of Washington, which I have little knowledge of so I can’t give any input or ideas. All I do is show up where you tell me to. I contribute nothing other than my physical presence. The last two actions we did, what did I do other than be there? The only things I say on Rocket Chat are “Where and when do you want me to be this weekend,” and “Understood.”
I have accomplished nothing on my own and I never will. I cannot do anything, and I mean ANYTHING, unless I am told to do so and how to do it

You have no idea how much pain I am in right now just because I missed this meeting last night and had to remind myself about how pathetic and incapable I am. And before you ask, NO! All of this is nothing new, I have been feeling this way since the day I was born. The only reason I have been missing Mumble meetings lately is because you stopped posting reminders on the telegram channel where my phone gets notifications.

That is “What's going on”