"Go forth, and multiply."

That's my issue

I feel so conflicted when i read Augustine

Sins of the flesh can destroy our relationship with God

I feel like the modern world holds no value

"And you, be fruitful and multiply, increase greatly on the earth and multiply in it.”-Genesis 9:7

The modern world holds no value presently,

in the same way a molecule of carbon holds no intrinsic value alone.

But over time, and cultivation of pressure, and friction, and an excess of work on behalf of nature and geological force,

that carbon molecule, binds with others,

and grows in mass

and become coal,

and as the same process occurs,

that coal compresses

into a diamond.

Our lot is a special type of earthly hell,

one that was in essence cultivated by our recent ancestors fulfilled by their own ignorance, lust and subsequent guilt.

But it can and will be reversed, it's just a matter of our own hope and determination.

But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart

Women have really negatively impacted my relationship with God

I'm not even disagreeing with you

But i am not certain if it is for me

They can, but they can also add to it.

And it all depends on who.

Our modern society, and negligence towards our culture and religion has turned an alarming amount of women into vapid whores with no other desire than the moment.

A vaginal generation of pure carpe diem

But, it can, and will be reversed.

Only with proper awareness and care from the remainder of society.

And it's such a shame. But, I've lost myself several times in fleeting affairs, and I'm afraid of ruining myself.

I cannot disagree with what you're saying, I do understand

Then find a wife, a real wife, at your church or elsewhere, a wholesome place, and court her. Don't date her, court her. Show that you can provide (if you can do so sufficiently, that is)

That's our hope.

Your situation sounds depressing

and it has every right to be.

But it's my earnest belief that a white man today does more harm than good by settling down in the Benedictine order rather than starting a family.

I'm the last heir in my family, this wasn't an easy conclusion

I worry too much about my relationship with the Lord

I think I'd throw away my faith to protect my wife and children

Not quite as visceral as that, but i don't have the words to explain it

There is a way to let those aspects of your life strengthen your faith.

If you look at them as gifts.