I dont know. I dont know what to do.

The desire for power and control can make someone self contradict... my mom is that way.

Am afraid that my decision might make the stack of Legos fall.

My mother got pissed today because I responded to a text with 'yeah' which she reacted to by pulling some stupid shit out of her ass about how it's disrespectful. Always something... thank god I live on my own now.

@Sparky That will happen and you cannot win. Bitches bitch. I don't know how old you are but unless you want to deal with CPS, you need to move out asap.

I hold back my urge to commit to what I want because I think that it might fuck up the status of my current life and ALSO because I did that action impulsively rathe than plan it out.

fearing change is normal....

But it's ultimately your choice.

*[but what if my family kicks me out of their house?]* *[But what if my mother kills herself because am not with her anymore. And then from that my father dies from drinking alcohol too much because he misses me?]* This type of shit is what stops me from moving forward.

I'm sorry man, there is no simple answer.

ofc, it's much harder for you than anyone looking in from the outside. That's why I can't really give useful advice.

It is annoying in my opinion but I also consider them to be crucial possibilities that if it were to happen I might consider myself to be at fault of causing.

I guess am just ranting right now.

Try not to blame yourself for other peoples' actions. And don't limit your options subconsciously. There are other possibilities in terms of solutions...

Am not forcing you to care about my situation.

I always try to step back as far as possible when it comes to my current situation and think in terms of the bigger picture. It helps to gain perspective.

This is my curse.

To think.

I think therefore I am

They think about life so simply that they can show happiness even although they smoke cigarettes and drink alcohol.

It is a relief that they use to ease the pain.

@Sparky Idc if you're religious or not- but I find the book of Ecclesiastes in the bible to be extremely dense when it comes to philosophy regarding stuff like this.

It really hurts to know that either it was me who caused that action to happen or it was of their own decision.

@Sparky Please consider reading the book of Ecclesiastes. It's not that long

What profit hath a man of all his labour which he taketh under the sun? 4 One generation passeth away, and another generation cometh: but the earth abideth for ever. 5 The sun also ariseth, and the sun goeth down, and hasteth to his place where he arose. 6 The wind goeth toward the south, and turneth about unto the north; it whirleth about continually, and the wind returneth again according to his circuits. 7 All the rivers run into the sea; yet the sea is not full; unto the place from whence the rivers come, thither they return again. 8 All things are full of labour; man cannot utter it: the eye is not satisfied with seeing, nor the ear filled with hearing.

Thank you for suggesting that . I will check it out.

yeah. let me find another passage... just1 sec

@Sparky For in much wisdom is much grief: and he that increaseth knowledge increaseth sorrow.

Yeah, that quote pretty much summarizes what I was talking about.

Thank you for bringing that specific quote on here.

What a pain.

@Sparky I legit cried reading the book of Ecclesiastes.. I still come back to it every once in a while. for perspective. I'm agnostic but its still pretty crazy to read

Well, I appreciate that you admitted that to me.

NP here any time man

It shows that you trust me.

Ima go to sleep. gnight

Good night Repo.

Thank you for giving me advice

I try not to be useless <:lolz:480186121897377792>

<:oof:516458979250012160> well, this is a starting point.

I got myself a top tier waifu