...but the real life is in our imaginations... and who better embodies the definition of imagination if not a simple man... a cartoonist, who puts his ideas to paper so that they may live on, so that our children, and our children's children, and their children's children's children can access the wealth of ideas that have accumulated thus far.
They will plug themselves into an information grid, and they will have access... They will read every Garfield comic, 80,000 years from now, a child will see a simple Jon Arbuckle, reading a newspaper. He will feel around for something, but that something is not there... He will lift his head and think...

"Now where could my pipe be?"

...and Garfield will be smoking the pipe, and Jon will yell "GARFIELD!"

...and what then? 80,000 years from now?

The child reading this comic will smile... and that smile will transcend space and time and the physical limitations of this existence, whatever they may be, however many dimensions exist...

There will always be Garfield... and there will always be its creator...

I'm convinced that mattress/furniture stores exist in a quantum superposition of grand opening and going out of business sale.

It is both and neither at once until an observer records the state at which point it becomes one or the other.

But because you know exactly where the store is located, you cannot know how fast it is going out of business because of your uncertainty about its business momentum.

All around us, all the time pairs of anti-discount mattress stores and discount mattress stores are popping into existence, forming the quantum memory foam that is the basis for the universe. Without the pressure of this quantum memory foam strip malls would collapse.

We can see evidence of this when a pair is created such that one half is within the sales radius of a supermassive furniture store like Ikea-- one of them is pulled in and the other escapes as a Hawking mattress store.

You girls are funny. I like to listen to your tiny 110 IQ brains working in their somewhat feeble and halting fashion. It's like watching those gibbons at the circus they teach to smoke cigars and ride a little tricycle around in a ring. You know, you're almost right. Compared to modern men, anyhow. Since the average male nowadays is a pathetic wreck who looks like a crossbreeding experiment between Don Knotts and PeeWee Herman, you girls are really closing the gap. Soon the average male will be nearly as weak as a physically fit woman.

I weigh 320 pounds. I run the mile in 5:20. The commanding chief of police of Queensland recently described me to his staff as "superhuman freak from another world who only looks like one of us on the outside." He also said "Technically, the guy is an unlicensed weapon of mass destruction just walking around outdoors. If I ever get orders to arrest this guy, I'm bringing a tank and a rocket launcher." He also described me as "without a doubt the most brilliant software developer we have ever contracted with."

If you go to the Vault-Co website and have a look at the Vulcan Fortress, remember those one ton drums you see on the site were offloaded from the delivery truck and then rolled around the site ... by me, working alone. In many cases I carried the 400 lb stainless steel air intake pipes down into the five meter pit on my back. These pipes required six people to unload when they arrived and I was not there to assist. Just one of those pipes would crush you girls like the gravitational field of a black hole.

Simple , I'm looking for a submissive, playful , sexy Slut. You need to do all that I say and obey all that I tell you to do. I'm looking for a slut for this weekend . You need to be curvy , Big boobs are a must and very eager and willing to please. I love giving oral and receiving as well. I'm athletic and in great SEXUAL shape, If you a submissive cumswallowing whore , who likes getting your pussy sucked and nibbled on and have an interest in getting a load shot down your throat, a load shot deep into your moist pussy and a hot thick load shot into your ASS. Then contact me , Put ' red rubber super ball" in the subject line and i will respond. looking forward to cumming in you.
I WILL only respond to REAL reponses
For a little while now I've been wanting to act like a cub...without my fursuit. I have a few problems though and I don't really know how to handle them without asking this subreddit. My first problem is that when I roleplay, I have to actually look very similar to a cub For it to have any effect. If I don't look like a cub, I really can't consider myself a cub and after a while I get kind of disgusted with myself for some reason I don't know. For instance, if I were to look down and see my hairy man legs it would ruin the whole thing and I'd probably feel disgusted with myself. For some reason ears and a tail really don't seem to do anything as that kind of just implies a half human half animal thing.

Second of all, diapers can be somewhat sexual to me if I actually wear them with my fursuit and I wouldn't want to bring sex anywhere near my roleplays. im kind of at a loss for ideas here, maybe somebody here could help?
I'm a regular Joe with a small dick I'm looking for a woman who enjoys a small dick but is willing to have some hot sex with me if you like my ad and you want to get to know me please feel free to send a picture and some info I'm looking for a relationship for ongoing activities I'm a laid-back kind a guy and I'm never pushy I'm 420 friendly and drink friendly. Put friend in the subject line so I know who real
Slosh, slosh, Jackal rummages around, delighting in the warm, satisfying feeling of food being sent deeper within her. Beneath all the ice cream and pastries she devoured is the remnants of an intruding vixen she found and bound. Once tied up, she proved easy enough to swallow down, and since being subjugated to Jackal's powerful insides she's more a fox-laden soup than the thick vixen she previously was.

With all the vixen left to digest, the purple canine simply went about her normal routine: eating, sleeping, relaxing, only occasionally paying attention to her engorged middle as the chyme within her is absorbed and turned into much more useful pudge. For the better part of the day Victoria the vixen is processed by Jackal's guts, even her clothing isn't spared by the canine's impressive anatomy. By the time Victoria's bulge has shrunk from a massive beanbag to a firmer beachball size, does Jackal begin to assess the damage the fox is doing to her curves. She's not afraid to get physical -- while she's rubbing her hefty potbelly, her free hand thumps and slaps against the surprisingly resilient hill of purple. Her hand sinks and rebounds from her skin, accompanied by the delightful noise of fluids sploshing around within her. The firmness, when compared to her earlier belly's jostly softness, means parts of the white fox is already permanently added to Jackal's frame as chub.

She gives the fox a few more hours of stewing around within her until a final air bubble wrestles up Jackal's throat as a echoing Burrp!, signaling Victoria's completed digestion, and that means it's time to assess how she's done. Starting from the top, the purple canine's hands move to her previously modest chest, which ballooned into two heavy milk jugs.
I raped myself today.

You read that right. For years people kept saying that washing your asscrack while showering is normal, and "hygienic". Of course I just tried to ignore them, I wouldn't indulge in their satanic self-harm. But the pressure kept building, my ass growing crustier by the day. I found myself starting to believe it wouldn't be that sinful, right? Well I was WRONG!

This morning in the shower it happened. Washed my body and face just like normal, washed my hair, and relaxed for a bit. Then the intrusive thought got in my mind again. "If everyone does it, how can it be that bad?" I found myself reaching for the soap, arms shaking. Got closer to the spot where the sun never shines. Contact. Slowly going towards the middle. I already felt it was wrong, and believe me, I wanted to stop. Just swipe it like a creditcard through a reader and be done with it. I wish I stopped before that moment. I did what I did. After 20 minutes of crying on the shower floor I had to face the facts. I'm gay now.

Spy Kids 3D is one of the few films in which I personally did not find any significant weakness even after many viewings. From the direction, to the acting, to the storyline, to the score, Spy Kids 3D has the word classic written all over, and it really is not much of a surprise that it is now considered by many one of the top five spy movies of all time. Perhaps when it comes to cinematic techniques Spy Kids 3D has not been as revolutionary as The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl 3D, but its influence on motion pictures is comparable. Rarely a movie has defined or re-defined a genre as much as this one did for "spy movies", but its influence goes well beyond that.

But to say that Spy Kids 3D is simply "influential" is to diminish its true qualities, and so is to describe it simply as "a movie about Spy Kids". The Spy Kids are certainly the main focus the story revolves around, but although the movie never tries to forcedly insert separate subjects it contains an amount of psychological and social subtexts that cannot be overlooked. Considerations on how the social environments changes us, on how moral values appear different from different point of views, on how violence can destroy a human soul, and on how power can corrupt an individual are deeply blended into a story that stays practically always true to complete realism, and the result is a picture of astonishing efficacy and believability.
Given the chance for vengeance on General Scales, Krystal eagerly took up the opportunity and dominated the overgrown reptile beneath her paw. With his weapons and armor removed, the muscular lizard was, with great difficulty, sent down the blue vixen's throat, and from there it wasn't long until her bodily functions took care of the rest.

Within Krystal, the massive scalie's bulk is eagerly kneaded and mashed, her stomach effortlessly resisting whatever kicks or punches the indignant reptile can muster. In fact, all his struggles achieve is letting air escape up her throat, causing the occasional Buurp! or belch past the feisty vixen's teeth. Despite his empty, muffled threats, her inner workings grind the chiseled saurian into viscous, nutritious goop in no time. Not all at once of course; the lowermost portions of the lizard are first to be melted and emptied out into Krystal's lower bowels where they sluice and slip around in her red tubing. But, as digestion sets in and General Scales becomes more syrup than solid, her intestines are flooded to near capacity with reptile-rich chyme, which bloats out her crotch and abdomen.

"Ooh! Mmm... This is a much better place for you."

As her bowels go to work siphoning the scalie-mix away, her breasts and butt bubble up, naturally matching the amount he's disappeared by. She pats her potbelly, giggling at the rousing feeling of the slush inside her shifting to and fro. Slapping her belly produces angry grrgls and grrns, obvious protests from her innards wishing to be undisturbed in their work. There's a few obvious chunks of him left at this point, but the lion's share of Scales resides in her intestinal tubing, where her body can eagerly reap the rewards.

The last bits of life in General Scales are snuffed out of existence as the stomach he resides within contracts one final time, crushing him down and deeper.

cant believe gender 3 thinks guns arent okay commie libtard shillary wimps cant even wipe their own ass ever since obumber droped bombs all over the middle east but lets not talk about that cause that would not be very humanitarian, burn in hell with your vegan fake meat why even stop eating meat if you like the taste of it ??? one moment they say ban guns cause people die but same time dont want mexican gun people from crossing the border? FIND GOD!!! the american family is in shambles ever since you liberal idiots bailed out wallstreet weve been in the shitter wont even support our troops WHEN THEY DIED FOR YOUR FREEDOM, pull up your pant and get a job you commie hippy cucks you talk about GUNS being dangerous but cant even tell jimmy neutron to push the button that looks like a cheeseburger i mean its obviously fucking salt but he insists on calling it some scientific bullshit

Another week, another laundry load, you think to yourself as you climb down to the basement. You swing open the door, barely awake, not able to think of any relevant puns for a stupid Reddit thread, wearing your last-resort shirt from a decade old fundraiser and basketball shorts.

You groggily drop the basket down, opening the door to the washing machine, and on routine shove your week's clothes into the appliance. But when you reach for the laundry pods, the container's already opened.

Looking into it, you see not a single laundry pod, and no backup detergent anywhere in sight. Your momentary befuddlement is interrupted by a cute, demure "Excuse me?"

In shock, you turn around, and a creature unlike any you've seen before is inside the doorway. A translucent white is her unmistakably feminine body, but with odd transparent fringes along her "head" and behind her sparkling eyes. Her "snout", if you were to pick a word, has two small ridges, one blue and the other orange, glossy and glimmering. A similar pattern crosses her chest, one breast a deep blue and the other a bright tangerine. A floral scent fills the room, and you're getting the full effect of it with your jaw dropped at this creature's beauty.
You mumble something, the spark of recall dancing in your eyes along with the spark of arousal.

"You're missing some clothes..." She sidles up to you, giving you a glimpse of her round backside, again repeating the blue-and-orange motif. "I think what you're wearing could use a wash, too~"

Her half-closed eyes, and her bitten lip, give you all the hint you need. Your clothes join the rest of your laundry in the washing machine, and you embrace your newfound tropical-scented fling. As she hugs you, light squeaking noises, the sound of her taut plastic skin, fill the room, and the aroma becomes almost... alluring, no, intoxicating.

You plant a kiss on her head, on the orange ridge. She runs her mitten-like hands down your back, a refreshing and cooling touch to counterbalance your hot-running blood. "But... You're made of detergent, yet you're full of these dirty thoughts..." you stammer out.
Don't ask questions, just do what comes naturally. Don’t you want to drink me...?" To answer your unspoken, truer question, she kisses you deeply, her unique lips embracing yours, her eyes closing as you join the forbidden love. With a close look at her translucent body, you see the turbulent flows of her inner detergent pulsing and swirling, and soon emotion closes your eyes so you can concentrate on feeling the love filling you both.

After an eternity you'd live and die again for of pure love between two unlikely beings, you break the kiss off, and her hand moves down your side, the taut skin sliding along your shaft. With a squeak she strokes the underside of your glans, winking at you. "There's one kind of dirty I'd love us to become, you know."

You'd almost swear in that moment that beneath the swirling white soapy face of hers it turned the slightest, blushing shade of pink as your firmness pushed into her horn base. You seductively unscrew her top, as she moaned.
“Yes, twist my tight fucking cap.” She moans, spilling between your fingers. You moan at her scent, as it beckons you, mechanically tipping her over as her begs you to sip. To drink.

“Yes Yes Yes DRINK DRINK ME RIGHT HERE ANDNOWYESYOUHAVEJUSTMETHERESONLYTHISRNDITALLYESYOUKNOWTHISISWHARYOUWANTJESUSCHRISTTAKEME”

Gulp after gulp, your eyes roll back in the highest form of ecstasy you’ve ever felt. Yes you think. This is what I want. It’s so beautiful. I don’t want it to end, but I do want it to end. The taste oh god the taste. You picture it’s taste as your mind covers everything you’ve ever known in Tide.

My worthless cunt neighbor had sex once again and she moaned like the fucking whore she is. Moaning is one of the most primitive behaviors that still exist today. It's a whore's call for the nearest males to come and fight eachother to death so that the last survivor will claim the femoid and breed her pussy with his superior genes. If we still lived in the jungle and i heard that noise,i would approach the male fucker and knock him out with my cavemade bat but since we live nowadays in a civilized society with laws and shit,i can't do anything about that so i have to resort to punching my fucking walls. This is why moaning must be criminalized. It disrupts the peace of mind of the male inhabitants of a civilized society. If that whore wants to moan,she can freely go to the amazon rainforest and moan like the fucking primitive animal she is,otherwise she must face either the rope,the electric chair or the flamethrower.

Semen is not only nutritious, but it also has a wonderful texture and amazing cooking properties. Like fine wine and cheeses, the taste of semen is complex and dynamic. Semen is inexpensive to produce and is commonly available in many, if not most, homes and restaurants. Despite all of these positive qualities, semen remains neglected as a food. I hope to change that. Once you overcome any initial hesitation, you will be surprised to learn how wonderful semen is in the kitchen. Semen is an exciting ingredient that can give every dish you make an interesting twist. If you are a passionate cook and are not afraid to experiment with new ingredients.

The Washington Monument depicts a giant dick, and thus symbolizes male energy. It stands in a vescica pisces, which symbolizes female energy.Tthe unification of polar opposites like good an evil or male and female is where its believed that magic springs into existence. In case of the unification of male and female for example its the magic of life that happens as a new child is made. The washington monument also gets mirrored by the Pond. As above so Below.
also the washington monument is 555 feet high. usually an obelisk has 20% of it underground to make it stable making the total height 666 feet.
555 feet are also 6660 inches
6 is the number of man, and his weakness. greed, egoism, egocentrism, all the materialistic desires, and i believe of this plane existence in general (the earth is tilted 23,4 degrees, or if you count from the other direction 66.6 degrees, life, on this planet at least, is made of carbon, the 6th element, with 6 protons, 6 neutrons and 6 electrons). 666 is going over the top with the materialistic desires, pursuing and desiring only those and making you follow the path of satan.

You hate women, because you are weak. You lack the necessary skills and talents, to charm them to your way of thinking. Were you the kind of person who spent a large percentage of your waking-hours dedicating yourself to a singular purpose; a hobby, a career or perhaps a healthy mix of both, you would find that most, if not all of your hatred and focus would be redirected as energy into that activity. Instead, your hatred is directed at women because you are lazy and unmotivated.

Even men who, for all intents and purposes, are considered "ugly" by society's standards, manage to attract good-looking, available, personable women because they know ... not think, not feel, not believe, but KNOW ... that they have acquired enough skills through sheer hard work, for their confidence to be justified.

You would know this also, if you did a single day's worth of hard work in your life.

Guess what? Most people wear a bike helmet when they ride. Nothing ANY of you say is going to change that. You can yell and scream (you autists who actually believe in the nonsense you're saying) and your can TROLLOLOLOL all you want (you escapees from /b/ who are just trolling, having nothing better to do) BUT NOTHING YOU SAY OR DO HERE WILL CHANGE REALITY: PEOPLE WEAR BIKE HELMETS AND NOTHING IS GOING TO CHANGE THAT. In fact, MORE people will wear them as time goes by, and NOTHING will stop that, either.

Does that make you ANGRY, non-trolls and actual-trolls?
>Yes, yes, it does!
You NON-TROLLS are angry because it grates against your severe autism.
>stop doing what I said you shouldn't do! WAAH!
You TROLLS are angry because you know your trolling is STUPID and POINTLESS and doesn't make anyone actually angry, because REALITY wins every time.
>WAAH, my pointless game is ruined! I can't even effectively troll the slowest board on 4chan!

What will you do now, trolls and non-trolls? Smash your monitor and keyboard? Injure yourselves in a fit of rage? Punch holes in your parents' walls? Rage-quit 4chan? LOL, IDGAF, because ironically we're the ones who end up amused at YOUR expense. Good game, lads, HAVE A NICE DAY, NOW! xD xD xD

I am genuinely in love with Anne Frank. She was beautiful, witty, and graceful young woman who light was snuffed out far too early.

I frequently fantasize about being Peter van Pels hiding with her.

Oh god, just imagine deflowering that sweet girl on a lazy Amsterdam afternoon, lying and learn what each other's bodies were for.

Now imagine nine months later, she's got a massive bulging stomach from carrying your child inside of her and it seems like she’s gonna pop any moment now. Her popped belly button makes it look like she's got a giant third boob where her stomach once was. She waddles around and can barely move half of the time. She's developed an insatiable craving for your dick and you've likewise developed a taste for her pussy. You’re both cooped up in an attic all day have nothing better to do besides fuck like an unsustainable third world population. You lie down on your back, she strips off her almost comically too small clothes and kneels on top of you. She grabs a hold of your rock hard cock, inserts it deep inside of her, and begins to ride you like a stallion. You feel the pressure from her incredible weight and huge round belly bearing down on you but the indescribable pleasure of her tight pussy throbbing on you cock negates any discomfort. You sink into her beautiful soul, into that secret place where no one dares to go. After 30 minutes, you and her are both moaning with ever greater intensity, you know it won't be long now. Suddenly, you feel your cock shaking like a V-2 rocket and the orgasm reaches it's climax as your cum literally explodes like an 88mm AT round inside her Sherman tank, blowing the turret right off. You and her both join as one, souls screaming from the sheer ecstasy. As the elation wears off, she lies next to you. Too exhausted to do anything else, you simply hold her in your embrace. In that moment, there is no family squabbles, no Nazis, no war. Just you and her, watching the sky turn pink with the setting sun.

You dream of the beautiful face you have found in this place. So soft and sweet.

One day you will both die and your ashes will fly from an aeroplane over the sea. But for now you are young and all you want is lay in the sun, and count every beautiful thing you can see. Love to be in the arms of all you’re keeping here with you.

What a beautiful dream that could flash on the screen in a blink of an eye.

Suddenly, you awaken from your slumber to the sound of a bloodcurdling scream. You open your eyes to darkness, it takes a split second for your vision to readjust. You feel lonely and cold. Another shriek knocks you back into reality. Anne sitting next to you, clutching her belly, face contorted from pain. A foul smelling fluid lies pooled on the floor around her mid-section. Your hot dirty fuckfest has brought on labor. she cries your name, begging for help, begging for you. The noise. She’s louder than a line of Louisiana Tigers giving the Rebel Yell right now. You raise your finger to your lips to tell her to be quiet. But the agony is too much for her to bear. You’ve got to do something or else it will awaken the entire neighborhood and with it, the Nazis. Suddenly you remember the bulge in your pants.

You’ve got morning wood. It’s not the best gag, but it will have to do. You stand up, squat like a slav, using her belly as an impromptu stool, grab your still cum-crusted cock, and shove it right inside her mouth. At first, she tries to scream even louder in surprise, but your circumcised 100% Kosher dong blocks her windpipe, reducing her screams to a barely audible gurgle. Suffering from unbearable pain, she bites down on her your meat with each contraction. Now you’e in pain too. With each contraction, she bites down harder, it feels like she’s gonna tear your cock right off. Eventually, the pain subsides for her and she doesn’t bite down as much. Now it seems almost as if she’s starting to enjoy it. You can feel your child kick on your testicles. Clearly it’s excited too. Suddenly, your cock starts to shake like a V-2 again, you pull it out of her mouth just in time. You bust your steaming hot and sticky load, blanketing her like an incendiary carpetbombing of Dresden. Semen stains her mountaintops (all three of them), along with her hair and most of her face. She quietly giggles from the ironic amusement of it all. You giggle too.

Then a look of sharp pain shoot across her face. She’s having your baby. You wish you could bear all the pain for her, but all you can do is sit and watch. You look down at her vulva, still oozing with cum from that great fucking you gave her a few hours ago. You can see a head of black hair poking out. You fear that she’s gonna start screaming again, much to your relief, it seems that she’s gotten better control of the pain, thanks to you. She begins to softly moan, it seems as if instead of experiencing excruciating agony, she’s experiencing an orgasm. You can’t help but grin as she keeps pushing. As more of the head becomes visible, her moaning intensifies. Finally a small head emerges from her vagina. You can see a face wrapped in an umbilical cord. A small pair of hands grab the head, she weakly tries to pull the head out. You put your hands around the head and begin to help her pull. Desperately, she goes into the next contraction with all of her energy, and pushed with everything inside of her. She feels everything. She feels shoulders and hips and feet all slide down inside of her and pop out in one long push, with a rush of fluid behind it, and it feels amazing. She throws her head back with a rip-roaring orgasm that penetrates the very heart of her soul.

You look at the newborn now lying on the floor and see that it is a boy. You have a son. Perfect, perfect in every way. He begins to stir and you realize he’s about to cry. After all that’s happened, you don’t to given away to the Germans from the wails of a newborn. You gently lift him up and place him on Anne’s semen stained mountaintops. The baby quickly finds the breast is soon sucking happily. Semen, blood, amniotic fluid, breastmilk all mix and fill the air with a strange scent that while repulsive, is also extremely arousing. You can’t resist the urge anymore. Your mouth land on top of Anne’s opposite breast, sucking first your own cum, but then her tasty milk. You look into her eyes, she’s somewhat annoyed, but too exhaust to really care. A gust of wind coming from a hole in the wall blows through, cooling both of your sweat-drenched bodies, but also disturbing the little one. You’re afraid he’ll start shivering. You look around the dusty attic for something to keep the baby warm. You settle on Anne’s fur winter jacket, having sat unused for the past two years. You know Anne will definitely not be happy that you ruined her favorite coat, but it’s for the best. She hasn’t been able to fit in it for the past nine months anyway. You carefully wrap your little one in the coat and hand him to an exhausted Anne, she continues to quietly feed him. You notice the dead silence for the first time, not even the other occupants of the Annex, mere feet away in the next room, were roused. You feel a sense of relief. You’re safe, for the moment at least. Eventually you curl up next to her quietly and begin to doze off. Your secret sleeps in winter clothes. Tomorrow, you can find a way to explain the night’s events to your parents and hope they don’t kill each other. You can somehow find a way to get your little bundle of joy to safety. But tonight, you just rest, your first night as a family.

Oh god, just thinking about this is making me rock hard. The hardest I’ve ever gotten. Oh, I think I’m gonna… I’m gonna-

Cums in Diary

Steve Rogers didn’t realize he was in the wrong place at the wrong time until he rounded the corner to find the Hulk standing there in the next room, buck naked and rock hard. The Hulk locked his eyes on him and a grin spread across his face. “Hulk…Fuck.” He growled deeply before lunging forward to grab him as a green blur, lifting him off his feet in the process. The momentum continued and carried them to the couch in the next room, which collapsed under the force of impact. “Bruce….s-stop.” Steve grunted as he tried to push the massive green hand off his chest. It was futile. “Hulk FUCK.” He roared again as he tore off Steve’s clothes like it were tissue paper and with one thrust rammed his massive drooling python up the Avenger’s ass with a lusty growl. Steve yelled out as the mighty brute began pounding away but despite the pain, every thrust hit his prostate, making his own cock grow rock hard. “Gahhhhh fuck.” He moaned as the pleasure began to build as the powerful rhythmic slaps of the Hulks massive green nuts against his ass filled the room. Hulk growled and snarled like a beast for god knows how long until a deep and guttural growl filled his throat. “Hulk,,, CUM” He roared as his heavy swinging nuts pulled up and he bred The other Hero’s hole. The first few shots were fired directly into his guts but the next few thrusts flooded his ass and the added pressure sent Steve over the edge, sending streams of cum up across his chest and face. Steve saw stars as the pleasure washed over him and gasped for air as the Hulk’s massive frame slumped over him. Slowly, he shrank; his green skin turning pink once again as The Hulk’s lust was sated for now and Bruce Banner emerged. His cock going soft and uncorking a flood of cum out onto the shattered couch.

I’ve found truth and life in my wonkily queer body. I exist in my wonderful trans-ness. My neo-pussy isn't a cis vagina. No, to me it is far more elegant and multifarious than any simple copy or simulation. It is a work of art, a vaginal-sculpture created from the parts of a penis and balls that are useful and dynamic enough to contain a second life. The scars that run along either side of my labia are my medals of honor. They hold the proud truth that I had the courage to seek wholeness.

My neo-vagina is a feminist work, and reaching that understanding was my own quieter, queerer tipping point. It feels womanly to understand, accept, and embrace that my neo-vagina isn't actually a vagina. I adore her now for all that she is and not how much she may appear to be the “real thing.” Perhaps now we could work towards getting advice and care for our vaginas as they truly are. Safe sex advice for trans folk is so woefully inadequate it would almost be laughable if it weren't for the astonishing rates of HIV within the trans femme population. Currently, we sit globally as the most high-risk group for HIV transmission—a fact not lost on me, as I have been HIV positive for over 25 years.

For the past couple of years, Outer Heaven has allowed me to find a place for myself in a growing community of queer trans and gender fluid people. These are people who do not want to extinguish their trans-ness or queerness in a cis-normative hashtag—these are folks exploring the innate power of our difference, our “otherness.” None of the people who I've recently spoken with want to please or “pass,” but they want and deserve safety, be that in work, on the street, or between the sheets.

I think everyone knows by now that the easiest way to get a huntsman spider to stop coming in your house is to flip it over and suck its dick.

Hear me out.

Carry a spatula around and when you see one, flip it onto its back. They're surprisingly docile once they're in that position. Then, all you need to do is gently press on its abdomen to retract its penis. It will be small; approximately the size of a thin pencil eraser. Use the tip of your tongue to manipulate it to full erection, then suck with your lips until it ejaculates; usually 30-45 minutes later. If you don't feel the rush of semen, you will know by its legs scratching playfully at your face when it gets oversensitive afterwards.

The main trick is not to swallow the spider semen. Trust me, I know it will be tempting. But no, pick up the spider and let him outside, then drool its ejaculate material near the entrances to your house. Spiders are highly promiscuous, and its semen mixed with your saliva will signal him to move on to another house. Spiders do NOT like to get their dick sucked by the same person twice.

pops out of a box of cinnabons- Hello, I'm Bawx! ^ u^ I'm almost 16 my height is 6'1 I'm chubby and I'm looking for a mate that I can cuddle, give roses, hug, and kiss will you do the same in return to me? 😮 I wish for a closed relationship and for my mate to be as loyal like me. I will be super loyal if I like you enough i'll try to do everything and anything to make you happy and I will never roleplay with others and always put you ahead of everything heh. ^ 3^ I really love role play, romantic gestures, video games, and lil fluffy furries like me so it would be amazing if you liked this as well. :3 No matter the distance and how others talk about you about you if you are the match for me I will love you. :3 If you wanna learn more about me just send me a friend request and ask me questions through messages. :3 I surely hope i find a good mate! Recently I haven't had much good luck. .~. -hugs you softly- Well, buh bai -gives you a heart shaped cinnabon that has red frosting- >~<

Jesus' eyes widened an imperceptible amount as he took in the sight of Noah, naked, before him.

Fumbling for something witty, he said, "So the ark's not the only bit of wood my father gave you."

Noah grinned – his grey eyes flashing in lust. "Your father isn't the only one who gives me wood."

Jesus laughed. "I can see that." He reached for the hem of his tunic and began to tug it roughly over his head, revealing his chiselled torso, a gift from his dad. Noah watched, hungrily, as he slipped out of the rest of his clothes, leaving them in a son-of-godly heap on the floor.

Jesus stopped when he was in his underwear, a little embarrassed. He was the son of the creator of the entire universe, and he couldn't get some decent boxer-briefs. Noah's eyebrows shot up in acknowledgement of his Spiderman-patterned crotch.

"A Christmas gift…" he trailed off, hoping that was explanation enough.

"Hey, no, it's okay," Noah smiled, his eyes creasing in amusement, "I can't say mine are any better." He reached for his own pair – inside out, on the dresser – and flipped them around so that Jesus could more plainly see the leopard print transfer.

"I like them," Jesus cocked an eyebrow, considering how fitting it was that Noah should wear animal-printed boxers. "Do you have two pairs of those as well?"

Noah just smiled, tossing the underwear aside, and began to saunter forward lazily, completely aware of the effect the sight of his own throbbing member was having on Jesus, whose prominent, holy erection was now shamelessly calling to him from within the red and blue briefs.
Backing onto the cheap motel bed (nobody picked l'Hôtel de la Genèse for it's luxury accommodation – there were strip clubs in downtown Nazareth with higher standards), Jesus let Noah remove his underwear with his teeth, letting out a fervent moan at the pressure of Noah's removal against his own quivering shaft.

Jesus' eyes rolled back in his skull as Noah, as a reaction to his previous utterance, began to pursue the motion, small sounds of pleasure emanating from the back of his throat.

"The beard," Jesus moaned quietly, "it tickles…"

He heard a soft laugh in reply, as the older man crept forward, the two moving backwards together on the bed, until Jesus' head was inches from the shabby fabric headboard. Noah began with gentle caresses, pressing his lips to Jesus' washboard abs, slowly working his way down.

Jesus cried out in passion as Noah's lips reached his substantial manhood, and began to fellate; he was a master with his tongue, caressing expertly with a sensitive, yet dangerous, touch. To Jesus' intense shame, it did not last very long at all.

But Noah had other plans. The two began to kiss passionately, locked in a fiery embrace on the dirty sheets; Jesus did things with his tongue that Noah had never felt before – his phallus quivered with the intensity of it all.