Shut your whore mouth! The A-10 is the goddamned sexiest, testosterone-infused piece of pure mechanical power and death that ever graced the sky. If it were a man its mere presence in a room would render every present female pregnant in two seconds. The A-10 is the closest thing to a physical manifestation of Ares the God of War in our modern era. The sight of it overwhelmes my heart and mind with an almost unendurable pride an love for everything that is baseball, mom, and apple pie. The A-10 is Handel's Messiah. It is Davinci's Sistine Chapel. It is Raquel Welch in One Million BC projected on the retina of a man seeing woman for the first time. A man seeing the A-10 on the battlefield is Saul of Tarsus on the Road to Damascus, as it is the heavens opening to reveal that he is seconds away from standing in the presence of God.

A code monkey is usually envious of a person with an academic degree. A code monkey claims to be able to "write code" (whatever that means) better than a professional with a degree, yet their code is completely worthless, because it is not built using theoretical frameworks which are taught to someone with a degree. A person with a degree is able to write highly optimized, concise, and demonstrably efficient code, whereas a code monkey usually writes nonsense code which routinely crashes, leads to inefficient use of processor and memory resources, and is overall worthless in a global, competitive market.
This is why nobody will hire you if you don't have a degree. It isn't because you're some misunderstood genius who learned to code on their own mitigating years of academic study. It is because your code is worthless.
Still think you're some misunderstood genius, and not a mere buffoon? Start a firm, and see how well that goes for you. Chances are, you will make a fool of yourself within the first days of trying to create anything of remote value.

Bethesda just shot themselves in the foot. I don't know how much the rest of you know about PC gaming culture (I'm an expert), but honor and shame are huge parts of it. It's not like it is on consoles where you can become successful by being an asshole. If you screw someone over on PC, you bring shame to yourself, and the only way to get rid of that shame is repentence.

What this means is the PC public, after hearing about this, is not going to want to purchase Fallout 76 for PC, or will they purchase any of Bethesda's games. This is HUGE. You can laugh all you want, but Bethesda has alienated an entire market with this move.

Bethesda, publically apologize and announce Fallout 76 for steam or you can kiss your business goodbye.

Rawr x3 nuzzles how are you pounces on you you're so warm o3o notices you have a bulge o: someone's happy 😉 nuzzles your necky wecky~ murr~ hehehe rubbies your bulgy wolgy you're so big :oooo rubbies more on your bulgy wolgy it doesn't stop growing ·///· kisses you and lickies your necky daddy likies (; nuzzles wuzzles I hope daddy really likes $: wiggles butt and squirms I want to see your big daddy meat~ wiggles butt I have a little itch o3o wags tail can you please get my itch~ puts paws on your chest nyea~ its a seven inch itch rubs your chest can you help me pwease squirms pwetty pwease sad face I need to be punished runs paws down your chest and bites lip like I need to be punished really good~ paws on your bulge as I lick my lips I'm getting thirsty. I can go for some milk unbuttons your pants as my eyes glow you smell so musky :v licks shaft mmmm~ so musky drools all over your cock your daddy meat I like fondles Mr. Fuzzy Balls hehe puts snout on balls and inhales deeply oh god im so hard~ licks balls punish me daddy~ nyea~ squirms more and wiggles butt I love your musky goodness bites lip please punish me licks lips nyea~ suckles on your tip so good licks pre of your cock salty goodness~ eyes role back and goes balls deep mmmm~ moans and suckles.

I pretended to be a girl in csgo competitive matchmaking. At first we just played csgo together, but we worked up to more. I even skyped dressed as a sexy woman "with poor connection" so the video would blur. After many seductive photos of my ass in my sisters underwear I convinced him I was the real deal. It took me 3 weeks to become his girlfriend.

Eventually I scammed this guy out of $600 because I convinced him I would come visit if he paid for the flight. I was lucky it paid off because i had spent nearly $200 on make up to pull off this con. He also gifted me over 20 games on steam.

In order to understand the world today you need to realize that everything is controlled by a secret cabal made up of Illuminati alien Jews. The conspirators are agents of the antichrist and their conspiracy began in the Garden of Eden. The conspirators have been responsible for many events throughout history, including the homosexual and feminist movements, and every war since Napoleon. Today, members of the conspiracy are everywhere. They can be identified only by their Jewish alien DNA. The conspirators have help from powerful elite journalists, satanists and politicians, and the conspiracy benefits undeserving sinful degenerates; at the expense of white Christians. The conspirators want to enslave all white Christians, and round up and torture resistors in dungeons of Satan, created inside the mind of the victim using mind control. They are using to establish the reign of the antichrist. In order to prepare for this, we all must stockpile supplies and ammo, email everyone we know about the truth, and start executing them before they fulfill their twisted agenda. All of this was revealed years ago in the book of Revelations, and in subtle hints by resistors, and in the sociopathic and inhuman behavior of the perpetrators. Since the media is controlled by the Illuminati and Freemasons, you should get your information only from me.

One thing I absolutely despise is when poor people make excuses for eating garbage. Like bitch it's not hard to eat reasonably healthy without breaking your fucking wallet. Get some sardines, brown rice, canned tomatos, canned beans, etc. stuff like that. Put some garlic, basil, salt, spice mixes, on that stuff to get rid of the blandness and stop having the palette of a five year old where you put ketchup on mac and cheese like a white trash piece of shit. Stop globbing down processed carbs and cheese. It's not hard or expensive at all. Fuck you can buy bulk sacks of oatmeal and related stuff too for cheap.

Fuck, that’s the worst. Like those people who say they ‘feel like throwing up’ at the smell of eggs and fish, and won’t cook chicken because it ‘feels gross’, and then they go and eat disgusting greasy burgers and fries and slather sauce on their processed garbage greasy bullshit. And they have the nerve to tell me the brown rice, beans and chicken breast meal I cooked for them tastes bland. Fucking hell, if you didn’t wreck your tastebuds with processed shit and sugar, maybe it wouldn’t taste bland. Maybe if you tried eating vegetables, eggs and fish they would start to taste good. Fucking smooth brain adult babies.

My daughter is 8 years old and has been telling me she wants to marry a woman since she was 4. I've been trying so hard to give her something to help her not feel alone, like a LGBT movie or something, but ALLLLL of those are made for adults and I just can't.

I found Stardew Valley first and got hooked. Shane was my first love after my divorce (honestly I found the game at a very hard time in my life, and the whole intro with Grandpa really hit me hard and made me cry). My daughter was thrilled that gay marriage is a thing in SDV and all of her gameplay has been ramping up to her being able to persue Abigail.

I keet telling her "Honey, just wait until Fall when you can plant pumpkins." but she just has to make sure she finds Abigail every day and talks to her. The Travelling Wagon lady was selling Pufferfish one day and my daughter was like "OMG! Abigail LOVES Pufferfish!"

She hasn't gotten far yet (she only gets to play 2 days a week) but I read ahead and I can't WAIT til she gets to Abigail's final heart scene.

I know it's just a game, but I think it's super important for her. We don't live in the most understanding area and I've wanted so much to help her feel normal.

My only wish is that George's scenes relating to same-sex marriage were universal to every same-sex marriage, not just with Alex, so my daughter could see what that looks like.

Oh yeah, and she farms stuff too and whatever.

Thanks for a great game <3

Edit: Thank you all for being amazing, and thanks for the TV/book recommendations. I myself am both G and T and worry about "influencing" her choices (internalized phobia much?) but a neutral and open world like SDV where she got to make her own choices really does make me happy. She's been asking about Steven Universe anyway so I'll try to hook her up with that, and make a note of all your other ideas for when she's a little older 😃 Thanks for being so awesome, everyone :)

Edit: I get it. She's 8. She's got a lot of growing between here and the future. Will she still like girls when she's older? Who knows! Who cares! Is there any harm in letting her explore this, even if it does happen to be just a phase? I'm not shoving this down her throat. I'm not the one telling her to make same-sex couples in The Sims or in the drawings she makes. SDV is a modern day version of playing House, except the characters are NPCs. Tell me it would be better to squash this behavior.

Edit: This post is old and nearly dead but I realized today that I never provided an update. She finally got Abigail up to full hearts, got her house up to par, and managed to catch the guy who sells the marriage pendants on the very darn last day of Fall. She was SO STOKED to be able to get married in her first year, and to have a Winter wedding. She lost interest in the game shortly after that, but I suppose it served the purpose and filled the void she needed at the time 😃

Ever since I was pregnant, I constantly fantasized about having that big round belly again. I used to watch pregnant porn and try to push my belly out and rub it but obviously wasn’t the same. I recently came across inflation. I never heard of it before nor thought it was possible, and it turned me on so much. I just tried air inflation with a fish pump for the first time yesterday, and it was such an amazing feeling to have a hard tummy again. I rubbed it up and down it was amazing but it was a bit crampy at times. I loved the pressure, my tight belly…I know I’m going to have to practice at it more…I want to get to a point were my belly looks pregnant with out all the cramping…I haven’t been able to talk about this to any one nor my husband. I think he’d find it extremely weird

They really need to do a hard reboot of Smash.
Cut 95% of the roster including most of the veterans, and just completely reimagine the game from the ground up. Smash Ultimate is nothing more than a juiced-up remaster, almost like a "Super Smash Bros. REMIX'

IF they wanna shatter the earth like how they used to, then they would completely redesign smash, so that it caters to today's tech & gameplay style.
THAT's what Nintendo needs to save the switch. Not a fucking "Super Smash Bros HD Collection Feat. Dante from the Devil May Cry series"

>muh new content
Updated stages & graphics are not new content. You could argue that they are, but in an objective sense, its not new.

>muh newcomers
See this is the funny part. This is how you know Nintendo is running out of creativity. For the first time in Smash history, they're adding predictable characters to the roster. Fucking boring. What makes Smash "Smash", to begin with, was it's uniqueness and fucking weirdo roster. Now it's just become a cross-over party game. Literal party game, in the same tier as Mario Party. Mario Kart 8 is less of a party game than nu-smash.

>muh new gamemodes
Oh, you mean the single lines of mere code they added? The "epic new gamemodes" that are Update/Patch tier? Yeah.. cuz that'll really make people wanna buy it.

>muh new music
>muh new skin alts
>muh this muh that
shut up. not an argument,

>ur just a stinky melee fag!
I hate Melee too, for all its own reasons.

Come at me.

This is a true story. I did this. No kidding.

No outside input caused me to do this. I don't know why I thought of it. This was a dumb, stupid, dangerous, risky thing to do. But I did it. Not once, but three times. I can only guess that I was very careful, or got lucky, or both. I do not recommend that anyone do this. It is too risky.

For 3 decades I have wanted to be "without balls". But surgery was to me just too risky and traumatic; not to mention difficult to obtain and costly.

One fateful night, for an unknown reason, I decided to "take things into my own hands"....so to speak.

What I really wanted was some medical needle that could be inserted into each testicle that could completely suck out the contents of each.

Failing the availability of such an instrument I decided that destroying the interior of each testicle would be the "next best thing".

What the heck was I thinking.

One night, being thoroughly drunk, I put sterile rubber gloves on my hands. I cleaned my scrotum with an alcohol swab. I cleaned a long needle with another alcohol swab.

I have no idea what made me do this. Nothing I had read had prepared me for this. I made it up on my own. I can only guess that it was despiration to be neutered that made me do it.
Next I pushed the needle into my scrotum. It was very resistant. I mean VERY resistant.

I did not just push it into anywhere in my scrotum. I was very careful to make sure that the needle would go through the scrotum skin and into the testicle at it's top end but completely bypassing all of the cords and connections that connect the testicle to the body. Thus, the needle would go through the scrotum, into the top part of the testicle, but not enter any cords or connecting tissue.

Eventually, with significant pushing, the needle finally burst through the scrotum and through the outer layer of the testicle and directly into the testicle.

Unless you have done this, you can not possibly understand the feeling of surprise and awe that you experience when the needle finally sinks into your testicle. There is some pain on the skin level of the scrotum. But the testicle wall and the interior of the testicle felt no pain.

It was a long needle. One that I bought at the drug store. Nothing special. But I made sure to try and sterilize it and my hands and the skin of my scrotum using alcohol swabs.
Finally I had "needled my nut". With slow deliberation, and nice background music, I rotated the needle in a circular motion. As I rotated it, I pushed it further down into the testicle.

The needle was in my right hand. As I rotated and pushed the needle my hand could feel the needle ripping through the interior contents of the testicle. It is hard to describe but there was the feeling that the front end of the needle was tearing lashing ripping through fibrous material that was on the interior of my testicle. It did not hurt at all.

After doing this for a few minutes, back and forth, up and down, I finally jerked the needle from my testicle. That was a bit of a sudden pain, but it went away.

I did the entire process to the other testicle.

Next day, I had no pain. But the 2nd day, I felt some significant aching (not really pain) in both testicles. It was if they were both being squeezed. And they swelled up in size.
It took about a month of aching, swelling, and finally both testicles settled down to a size that was smaller than their original size and finally there was no aching or pain.

Once all sensitivity subsided, I did the same thing all over again to both testicles. Using sterile techniques I inserted a needle into each testicle, rotated it around and around in a circular fashion from the top of the testicle to the bottom of the testicle.

One of the most fascinating feelings was when the point of the needle was rubbing on the inside of my testicle wall.

I was careful to not let the needle scratch or puncture the inner wall of my testicles. I just let the point of the needle rub against the inner wall. It was a most unique and erotic sensation. Indescribable.

After another month of subsiding sensitivity, I did the whole process over again.

It has now been six months since the last time I inserted a needle into my testicles and rotated it around and around, thoroughly carving up the interior of each testicle.

Finally, at last, my balls have no feeling. I can squeeze them and they feel no pain, no sensation. They are less than half the size that they were before I started this neutering process.
The connecting tissue that is on the exterior of each testicle is still sensitive. But when I manage to manipulate my scrotum and balls with my hand in such a way that this tissue is internally out of the way, I can actually squeeze squeeze squeeze each testicle really hard and there is no pain.

I guess the ultimate confirmation of the success of this process is that my penis no longer gets hard. No amount of manual manipulation or mental stimulation will make it rise to the occasion.. I can not ejaculate. I do not have the erotic thoughts I use to have. I feel neutered.

It seems to have worked for me. But I do not, I can not, I must not suggest that anyone attempt the same. I surely got lucky, fortunate in engaging in such a risky endeavor.

Although I would much prefer to be completely void of balls at least the balls that I have are very much smaller, have no feeling, and I am no longer dominated by sexual desire and obsession. I feel neutered, calm, at peace.
Maybe not entirely at peace. I would very much like to experience again the feeling of a needle rubbing the inside of my testicle wall.......this is one incredible feeling. But I seem to have no sexual urge to pursue this. Odd. But understandable.

I can think of nothing else to say about my experience and success. I have dead small nuts, I am neutered. Not a eunuch, not castrated, but for all practical purposes, as far as I can tell, I am the equivalent of a eunuch, castrated, neutered.

Before I went completely flacid, I managed to get hard, ejaculate and had a sperm test run. No sperm.

Not that I would ever could ejaculate again, but just knowing that I am sterile makes me feel warm, cool, fuzzy. Hooray.

As I write this, I am touching, fondling, twirling, fondling my youknowwhat. Nothing arises to the occasion. Amd it doesn't matter.

Fuck you lazy fucking pig. Your grandfathers would be disappointed in all you americans for doing away your american spirit in favor for laziness, gluttony and constant entertainment. You fucks were all battle ready and kicking japs asses but now you fucks bend over and die for your former enemy nation because they provide shitty hentai and anime!? Fuck you fuck your lazy stupid nation fuck your weak children america died when americans favored for hippies and pacifism after vietnam and now america is dying due to weak minded and weak willed americans that are all big talk and no action you disgusting rodents.

We should have invaded japan and china and destroyed them all while we had the chance but we didn't and we expected the americans to finish japan off but you fucks always go for forgiving enemies fast for stupid hippy reasons and now look at what happen now. At least we punish germans rightfully and made sure they never recover to attack russia again and good thing we still holding the remaining prisoners of wars from germany for attacking us.

When germany attacked we attacked them in return and avenged for our people and punished germans for their crimes against us unlike you. You all did not hold up to your revenge for your people and nation and you did not punushed them hard enough and did not attack china as well.

Fucking americans big talk no action lazy slobby pigs fuck you and your stupid guns that break in snow our guns are better and live longer than your shit guns fuck you.

Honestly this kind of post seems to right up those obnoxious Rick Sanchez fans/imitators. “Love is just a chemical reaction that compels animals to breed.” I think both Neil and Rick’s quotes are similar. Whilst both statements are technically correct, they just totally miss the point of why the words exists.

I like Rick and Morty but I don’t think Rick is someone meant to be emulated. He’s also just a cartoon character not an actual genius. Being like Rick doesn’t mean you’re above average intelligence it just means you’re an asshole. You’re not above average in any way except possibly narcissism, selfishness, friendlessness, or all three.

He does “intelligent” things but it’s a cartoon so it’s not like he actually built anything. He doesn’t have the skills he’s presented as having, nor will you get them by behaving like him. Behaving like him is easy street to being ostracized and alienated. People will not like you, and even if you had good ideas people will not give you the time of day. Being alienated and ostracized does not mean you’re misunderstood, or your ideas are difficult to comprehend, well they might be, but not for the reason you think it is. They’ll just find it hard to relate to you since you don’t try to relate to others.

Being like Rick means you likely have the emotional intelligence and emotional maturity of an 8 year old. Nobody wants to deal with a man-child of such an age disparity. Kids are fun and all, but when you’re a kid for longer than a child age it gets annoying, we expect people who get older to be able to manage children, but you can’t do so when you act like one yourself. Doesn’t sound like good boyfriend material.

So maybe the reason people don’t “get you” isn’t because you’re a misunderstood genius and your idea are so deep and complex. Maybe it’s because you don’t understand people and you never took the time to try and relate to them. Maybe that caused you to be unable to express your ideas clearly and concisely. 99/100 times when people think the problem is everyone else, it’s actually yourself.

Just remember hanging out on Reddit and checking out the space subs, philosophy, psychonauht, nihilism, and anything else you think makes you an intelligent person, likely doesn’t. Hell even your undergrad doesn’t make you an expert in a field. Even if you are an expert in your field I think you should learn a lesson from NDT, just because you are an expert in a field, it certainly doesn’t make you an expert in all of then. Even/especially you deem it to be “less” than your field.

It’s not them it’s you. People aren’t dumb, you’re just not intelligent enough to understand them, you’re ire not special, you’re not misunderstood you’re an asshole. Rick is a popular character because of who he is, he is a cartoon character no one would actually want to meet. People like people who are capable of love and caring, they want to see someone who takes care of themselves, with good coping strategies, without substance abuse problems. Someone who was intelligent would already know those things, they wouldn’t blame others for their problems. They’d probably be able to read this whole thing and tell me how wrong I am.

How many do u have

After paying, you get a dialogue option along the lines of "I'd like access to your chest." The blacksmith then rips his shirt open and you see a first-person animation of your character running their hands through his luxurious chest hair. Not in a sexual way, of course. This works with female blacksmiths as well: after paying, she rips her top open to expose an opaque mass of chest hair that your character runs their hands through. I think this would add some much-needed immersion to the game.

I can not understand why everyone is obsessed these days with 9mm for starters and then the Glock 17 and the Glock 19, shit just Glock in general but especially these two models of theirs. First off, 9mm. It's a 100 year old cartridge that is long past its prime and that's ignoring 45ACP. Since 1994 when the 357 Sig was introduced the 9mm should have been dethroned instantly. Shooting at 300fps faster than 9mm, the 357sig does EVERYTHING better than the 9mm. Hold on I hear you all complaining already, blah blah more recoil. Man up sissy boys. Grip the gun like a man and wear earplugs. I don't want to hear you bitch especially when all of you think bigger is better for your rifles. "You got a .308? Psh. I have a man's gun, 300win mag like Chris Kyle but I guess you can't handle a man's cartridge." Now onto Glock. Perfection, my ass. I've owned a gen 3 Glock 17 for 4 years now. Do you know how many times that stupid thing has a malfunction. Only about every time I take it shooting. No, I'm not shooting junk ammo, my other guns function just fine on the same ammo. No, my recoil spring isn't bad, and neither were the two springs I had tried before that. Glock is a company that got police departments on board for cheap and then the bandwagon of fanboys who want the cool police/military gear happily jump blindly aboard. My only hope is that now that the Army has picked a real gun, the Sig P320, as their sidearm people will jump on board with an actual quality striker fired pistol and put Glock in the ground where it should be with a spot for the 9mm next to it waiting. If only the military had gone with 357sig for their P320 but I suppose when you have stock piles of 9mm litterally everywhere it makes sense to go with a lack-luster and inferior cartridge. So all you Glock and 9mm fanboys, just sit down and shut up and realize all your stuff isn't all that great and about everything else out there is superior to your century old caliber and cheap plastic gun.

@Camil i'm nearing the end

noooooooooooooo

Fuck you lazy fucking pig. Your grandfathers would be disappointed in all you christians for doing away your holy spirit in favor for laziness, gluttony and constant entertainment. You fucks were all battle ready and kicking pagan asses but now you fucks bend over and die for your former enemy religion because they provide shitty hentai and anime!? Fuck you fuck your lazy stupid nation fuck your weak children christianity died when christians favored for hippies and pacifism after vietnam and now christianity is dying due to weak minded and weak willed christians that are all big talk and no action you disgusting rodents.
We should have invaded sweden and norway and destroyed them all while we had the chance but we didn't and we expected the christians to finish japan off but you fucks always go for forgiving enemies fast for stupid hippy reasons and now look at what happen now. At least we jews punish muslims rightfully and made sure they never recover to attack the chosen land again and good thing we still holding the remaining prisoners of wars from muslims for attacking us.

So, I have an ultimatum.

First, um, so Bill Gates and the Illuminati gotta herd the nigger cattle, WOO WOO, WE GOTTA HERD THE NIGGER CATTLE, WE GOTTA HERD THE NIGGER CATTLE, they got a big herd of niggercattle. Yippie-ka-yay, we're nigger cattle herders, we gotta herd the nigger cattle. They are the most docile fuckin' nigger cattle, we got them so docile, we got this big awesome herd of nigger cattle and they SHIT and they sit there and they watch tv and they SHIT. It's the best fuckin' herd of nigger cattle, we took away all their guns, now they just SHIT and we watch them and we're rich, we are so fucking rich. We have so much fucking money. We got this herd of nigger cattle, WOO WOO, we gotta, we're milking the fucking nigger cattle, it's the best thing ever.

So that's what the Illuminati got, aaand I got a space alien. So, here's my ultimatum:

You can live in hell with your herd of nigger cattle,
OR
You can put me in charge of the Space Alien Temple - the third temple.
Okay? That simple. Have fun with your nigger cattle, cuz I sure as hell ain't gonna suck your fuckin' jewnigger cock. Fuck yourself, you think I'm gonna fuckin' enjoy nigger cattle after I've had a fuckin' space alien? Are you fuckin' crazy? I've got a fucking space alien! Of course I'm not gonna fuck, fuck with niggercattle, fuck yourself! You think I'm- Enjoy your fuckin' nigger cattle,
you got the nigger cattle,
you got the nigger cattle,
you got the nigger cattle,
GO, GO, GO, GO,
you got the nigger cattle,
You got a fucking herd of nigger cattle WOO WOO WOO, we got 'em so docile, they just shit all day, ain't that great?

Imagine having a sexual attraction to dirt. Think of it: you are hiking through the woods, when all of the sudden you see a beautiful patch of dirt. You try to walk away, but your boner is too strong, and like opposing poles of two magnets, you are attracted to that oh so virgin ground. You get on your knees. They will get dirty but it will be more sexy and promiscuous. You grab two vines on the forest floor and go to town. After you blow your load, you stand up, dust off your knees, and are halfway through zipping up your jeans when you realize something: you didn't check the undergrowth before the soilfucking. You shakily walk over to the clearing, and the horrific realization only now begins to dawn on you as your cock and balls feel itchy. You have just fucked poison ivy. Over the weeks that follow, your dick shrinks until it starts retreating into your scrotum. Your balls twist, one grows to the size of a grapefruit, and explodes, destroying the other in the process. You fall fatally ill. You lay on your deathbed, waiting for the angle of darkness to come.

Day 74 of no fap; As I exited my vehicle to walk into work I caught scent of a female in heat 73.35 meters upwind. Because of the fog I couldn’t see her yet but judging by the scent she was mid twenties, and healthy. My ultra attunated hearing was able to pick up her gait, which put her at about 5’6”. My mind, free of the constraints of porn and indecent imagery, was able to calculate her weight based on the ripple in the testosterone continuum produced by her footsteps as she walked away from me. Being that I was 10 minutes early for work, I made chase and followed her through the fog still without visual contact. I was like a pilot navigating the white abyss by instrument alone. I was trailing her about 130m behind when I sensed her phone vibrate in her purse through the pavement. Holding my ear to the ground I was able to faintly pick up on the conversation she was having with beta BF. Based on the annoyed tone in her voice I knew now was the time to strike. I readied my legs and concentrated all of my Testo-chakras into my Vastus Medialus muscles as I assumed a sprinters starting stance. I exploded forward in a cataclysm of sex hormone fueled rage. Exactly 2.54 nanoseconds later I began to phase through time and space as I meshed with the testosterone continuum. As I phased through the helpless female target I nutted directly into both of her Fallopian tubes, destroying her previously unbroken hymen and causing her to orgasm INSTANTLY.

As I began to slow down 33.6 light years later, I realized that while she would have wanted to thank me for giving her the gift of my superior seed that she was already dead and gone having raised my CHAD progeny to repopulate the earth. As I float into the the celestial abyss of the greater Crab Nebula I am not filled with regret for having left my world, but rather happiness for having left it a better place. You’re welcome gentlemen Edit: As I soar through the cosmos I meld with the galactic entities around me and become one with the fabric of space and time. As my consciousness fuses with the entirety of reality into a singularity, I emerge as a God, omnipresent and omnipotent. I utter these scared words: "u mom gay”

I saw Sam Hyde at a gas station in Los Angeles the other day. I told him how cool it was to meet him in person, but I didn’t want to be a douche and bother him and ask him for photos or anything. He said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?” I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but he kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and closing his hand shut in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my shopping, and I heard him chuckle as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw him trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen goober boxes in his hands without paying. The girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Sir, you need to pay for those first.” At first he kept pretending to be tired and not hear her, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter. When she took one of the boxes and started scanning it multiple times, he stopped her and told her to scan them each individually “to prevent any russian electoral infetterence,” and then turned around and winked at me. I don’t even think that’s a word. After she scanned each bar and put them in a bag and started to say the price, he kept interrupting her by shouting "Fuck Tim Heidecker" really loudly.