So, I was wearing my Confederate flag T-shirt at Taco Bell when the bitch behind the counter was like, "That shirt is racist." I couldn't believe it. "Actually," I explained, "the Civil War was about states' rights, not slavery." I considered walking out then and there but was really hungry for a chalupa. So, I handed the female my $2 bill, but--and I guess I shouldn't be surprised, considering the level of education in this country--she refused to accept it. "It's legal tender!" I said. "You cannot refuse it! It is my right to use it!" She wouldn't budge, claiming that there was no place in the register for $2 bills. (For fuck's sake.) "Alright," I said, handing her my $1 coins. I was half expecting her to raise a stink about that, but she didn't. I guess there's still some hope. "No need to be so níggardly," I said. She flipped. "Niggardly," I said, "not niggеrly. Don't you know the difference?" Anyways, as I left, I raised my arm in a Roman salute, and another bitch behind the counter shrieked: "Nаzi! Oh my god, he's a skinhead!" I couldn't believe what I was hearing; I am not a racist, and I am not a Nаzi. "Actually," I calmly and coolly explained, "before this salute was co-opted by the Nаzi, it was the symbol of French republicans, and before that, it was a common greeting in Ancient Rome. But I guess they don't teach you that in school anymore, do they?" Seriously, why should World War II overrule two thousand years' worth of Western history? Anyways, as I left, an older gentleman came up to me, and placed his hand on my arm. "Thank you," he said. "I fought in World War II, and I'll be damned if we let the Nаzis win." "No," I replied, "thank you for your service." (Although, I sort of suspected that the US government had placed him there for propaganda purposes.) I got into my car and ate my chalupa with a feeling of accomplishment
