yeah I took my grandma to one of those spas where the fish eat your dead skin

it was way cheaper than cremation

i have loads of them

Perfect time for this

I’m thinking of more dark humor

or just dirty humor in general

i can’t say the Santa one because it can be deemed “Vulgar, obscene, etc”

neither can I say the disney one

How many cops does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None. Do it yourself you lazy bum.

“You’re the bomb”
“No, you’re the bomb”

In America, a compliment.

In Iraq, an argument.

I called the Iraqi suicide hotline the other day. They said “Great” and asked if I can drive a truck.

What’s the difference between me and cancer?

My dad didn’t beat cancer.

and then a nuke came

**boooom**

This is boring where does the nuke come in

I broke him

He did it

💣

funny number

Oh god

The End

good

Nah

Think

That’s more money, food, and space for the rest of us

i wanna see how much anger this can instill

Or comedy

Either or

great now I’m going to bed angry, confused, and with nightmares

I was angry because someone spoiled Doom Eternal for me

I was confused because of Kanye

And now I’m scared because that video

Ok daddy 🥵

I was in a server where that emoji was banned

twas funny

NO

PLEASE

I wanna sleep

It’s hard enough with the imagination I have

Harlequin ichthyosis

Google Harlequin ichthyosis

I want your credit card info

Yo no way me too

Totally didn’t just hit the “Message” button on his profile

Shut up before I send you pictures of a baby born with Harlequin ichthyosis

it’s terrifying

Looks like an alien

oh yeah?

He used to follow me on Twitter

That’s how I found him

Yeah because I got suspended

And now he doesn’t follow me

😩

He’s not that old

Oh boy someone wasn’t here when I was tellin jokes

Smokie ended up having to tell me to stop

I never got to the cops with the lightbulb

But that’s one everyone knows

Yup

Funny that he got laughed at when he first proposed the idea of chipping people

“Getting rid of extremism” my ass

Getting rid of extremism with brainwashing

where a mask and a maga hat that way you confuse them

And then when they get close take off the mask and cough in their faces

> I’ll wear a WW1 gas mask
@darthlasagnus You got one?

ha

No you won’t

You can’t

The only ones you’ll find are in museums

WW2? Yeah but expensive

WW1? Nah

Fuck.

Ha nevermind

It’s a repro

Aight gn tho gotta sleep it’s 3 am

No

Hm

About that Nightmare on Elm Street thing with sexuality and whatnot...


*good thing Wes Craven’s dead*

I am always at full retard

> now its all political
@AMERICANFREEDOM [CEO OF FREEDOM] wait what?

> They're rebooting the Magic School Bus
@Dr Badass PhD they already did that

Yup

This is always the one that is more lenient

Wanna see a dude pull some sick splits

Dang

what if legos were involved

but it does change

Yeah

Legos make everything better

You can’t go wrong with legos

No you can’t

Legos are plastic bacon

They aren’t literally bacon you idgit

Spiderman but legos

See if you think *stepping* on legos is bad...