Peyton Manning had all the footballs once, but eventually he gave them away. They floated off into space and eventually collided and became the big bang, and that created John Elway who was the birth-giver of all footballs and also the Denver Broncos.

But first he had to pass the test to become football. Test was very simple: John elway must stand before God and American and testify to Congress that footballs were all his, and he did and then he also fought the manticore and that was pretty rad too. Then he got all the footballs which were his to begin with and put them in space for them to become the big bang and make all the footballs again for all time. God bless Peyton Manning and God bless American. Footballs.

The New England Patriots were Patriots of football before there was football, in the time long ago when footballs were not yet in space. But then Tom Brady was made emperor of all the footballs and gave the footballs to John Elway who sent them into space to become football for all time. And so it was that there was now football.

But not always were there footballs, for some there were no footballs. Those without footballs did not have footballs and thus were not American. But then American came forth and Abe Lincoln freed the slaves which was probably a mistake but he made up for it by becoming a football and punting himself to John Elway who caught him and sent him to space to relieve Tom Brady of all his footballs so Tom Brady could go home to his kids.

Then there were the Denver Broncos, and football was for all time.

that makes it much funnier

The Denver Broncos cannot be joined, the Denver Broncos join you. They take all the footballs and splice them together with genetics to make John Elway, and John Elway punts you right in the nigger cunt until you bleed football out of your ears and then become Payton Manning.

When Payton Manning licks your earlobe you know it's time to receive football. The football that you receive is not the eternal football, it is just regular football, but it is symbolic.

Take football and run. Run, forest, run. To forest. Run Forrest. With Football. Then give football to John Elway and say "Touchdown!" and you will become football. Then, Denver Broncos.

Sincerely,
Football.

John Elway is the king of all that is and was the Denver Broncos. John Elway is the alpha and the omega, also known as scootie puff senior the Doom Bringer. He has so many footballs you won't know where to put them all.

Do you want to know how to spell John Elway's name in ancient Hebrew? No, you don't, because it would convert you instantly into football and you would explode into all football. Football for everyone? Yes, but not for you.

Football.

holy shit this is priceless

That is a nice cowe. Reminds me of the story of the flood from Genesis.

In the days of yore there was no football, and no Denver, and no Broncos. There was however John Elway, for John Elway is eternal. And God said unto John Elway, thou shalt build me an ark, only it won't be an ark so much as it will be football.

And John Elway did build football 40 cubits wide and 40 cubits deep with a circumference of 40 million cubits and a football. The football was pleasing to the God and the American, and he said unto Moses: You should be more like John Elway you raging faggot.

And Moses said unto the Lord: Fuck you I'm a Patriots fan.

And God did smite Moses for his faggotry and there was much rejoice and football was had for all. And John Elway did make more football and put football on the moon and put all the footballs in space which made the world for the third time that day.

Amen.

one more and then sadly I have to get back to work

You know what I desire? John Elway.

John Elway is the king of all football and creator of the Denver Broncos. He was cast in bronze and forged from iron 12,000 years ago by the almighty god Dan Reeves, who came inside Rainbow Dash one fateful December night and created Hurricane Katrina which blew all around the world and killed all the black people but unfortunately they came back to life and asked for money.

However John Elway was also born that night, and he grew into a mighty demigod who then set forth on the road to become a full god as soon as he had lunch, and then he became football through the divine will of Jesus Christ and much to the awe of the American he went on to create football in his image.

Godspeed, John Elway, for thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory forever. Football.

awesome, I'll keep an eye on Discord

She really should have prayed to John Elway

>mfw I casually read it as "My cousin got boned"

sorry, I don't generally do VC because of roommates

yeah it sucks, walls in this house are paper thin and my landlord is a nosy faggot who listens to everyone

I'm in the process of trying to move