Message from @Px4
Discord ID: 485606928815357993
Tbh it's been a long time since I read that book, but I think some of her accounts are extreme and unrealistic. Such as relaxing and trusting your crawling baby near a cliff edge. Lol. There is some questionable stuff in there about interacting with babies and if I remember correctly-sexuality stuff that was a major red flag. Regarding the continuum concept, i do think there is a balance to be struck. Hovering parents can be detrimental. We have always tried to allow as much physical freedom as safely possible with our developing children such as tree climbing, exploring water, etc. and it has benefited them in their agility and confidence and mental faculties. But I don't think her book contributed to our patenting style whatsoever, it was more of just observing our children, intuiting and bri g present to immediately step in and help and guide and teach when needed. It is bizarre sometimes to see some parents at the park, for instance. It's like, here they are at the playground and they are instructing the child's every last move. Let's do the slide now, let's swing now, climb on that, do this, no that's too big for you, that's scary, etc. The child is not getting to experience anything for themselves.
i agree! well said!
i look forward to your fresh take on the book after you read it.
since its been awhile for me đ
Hi all. Didnât realize this thread existed until today. Just had number #2 4 weeks ago and #1., 2yo this November, has been really missing 1 on 1 time with mom and now wakes whenever mom feeds and freaks out. We do sleep. Anyone else cosleep? Similar experience? Help? Iâm so tired.
Hey @Prestor John , Iâve got a 2 year old and a 4 month old myself. I canât speak for everyone but Iâve never been a fan of co-sleeping. Of course youâve âgotta do what you gotta doâ but Iâve seen it backfire. Iâm friends with two couple that both have 3+ year old children sleeping in their bed at night.
My 2 year old didnât seem too phased when we brought his baby sister home...at first. But now that sheâs more active during the day, heâs started with the jealousy. Every family dynamic is different, and every kid is different, but one thing that worked well for us was to make sure our son was getting plenty of physical activity, he is much more likely to fight naps, or just generally act out when he hasnât had much exercise.
As far as bedtime/sleeping goes...my wife and I just had a discussion about it to make sure we were on the same page, bedtime is pretty much non-negotiable here. When we moved our son from in a pack n play in our bedroom to a crib in his own room, naturally we had to deal with the âgrowing pains.â But we set up a sort of timer system. The first night, we let him cry for 2 minutes before one of us would go in. We would not pick him up, but rather just lay him back down and comfort him briefly before walking out. The next night we started at 3 minutes, next night 4...etc. I think it only took 3-4 days before he was falling asleep on his own with no drama. Recently we started dealing with a bit of a sleep regression, where he started fighting his naps, getting out of his toddler bed and coming out at night. Basically I think heâs realized that life goes on outside of his room while heâs napping, and he doesnât want to âmiss outâ He can reach doorknobs now and come and go as he pleases, so it actually got to the point where we had to lock his door at nap-time, or else he would come out of his room, or start slamming his door and waking the baby. Once we locked it, the first couple of days he would lay on his floor kicking the door and having a tantrum, if he didnât calm down after a few mins, Iâd go in and just put him back in bed without saying anything, and walk out. He fell asleep on the floor in front of his door a few times but eventually he gave up and started staying in bed.
Iâm sure there are a million different methods and expert opinions for parenting little kids, some better than others no doubt. Iâm sorry this got way longer than I meant it too.
Tl;dr whatever you do, be consistent. Kids, especially toddlers thrive on consistency and boundaries. Theyâre getting to that age where theyâre starting to test you, and assert some independence. They may not quite grasp âwhyâ the need to
They* need to nap, sleep, etc. But they do understand cause/effect. If you stay consistent, theyâll pick up on that.
Iâm no expert by any means, my wife and I are figuring this out as we go along too. Itâs by far the most challenging experience of my life. Feel free to message me anytime, itâs great to be able to bounce ideas off of people here, Iâm sure there are way more experienced parents here with tons of valuable knowledge
We are pro co-sleeping @Prestor John its quite trad. great for breastfeeding and bonding. at around 2 yo or so the transition to toddler bed is definitely difficult, but better imo thanl etting an infant "cry it out". i agree with Px4 about plenty of physical activity to help with kids' behavior. Also strictly limiting sugar can have huge effects. a little one on one goes a long way. perhaps just mom snuggling and reading books to your toddler while she nurses the nb could be helpful. implementing one small daily thing with the older child that is special just for them can be good too, such as giving them a constructive way to "help" cook dinner
@Volkmom @Px4 thanks! My wife was a nanny and sleep trained multiple kids but totally lost her nerve when it came to ours. She backed up her gut feeling with some research and we didnât do it. Our soon to be 2yo was sleeping in his own bed earlier this year but with her being pregnant at the time and a heatwave making hi upstairs room a no go zone he came down into our bed. After our daughter was born we realized that we couldnât switch back right away and wife and I Knie of like it when we all actually sleep.
My big take aways are consistency which we need to get back to and sugar, which he recently has had introduced to his diet. I did just build a high stool with a rail so he can stand next to mom in the kitchen.
@Prestor John see what I mean about every family being different! We opted for the cry it out method (sort of) and our two year old is great about sleeping. Not that I have anything against co-sleeping of course, just wasnât for us. @Volkmom is spot on about the one on one time, a little extra reassurance and attention can go a long way. And I agree with you both about limiting sugar, with one exception, we only limit added or refined sugars. Naturally occurring sugars, especially in foods with a high fiber content, like fructose in fresh fruit, or lactose in milk/yogurt..we donât really limit them per se. But we do strictly limit sugary snacks and junk food. We donât give him juice, they donât need it and he doesnât like it anyway. Cookies/candy are saved for very special treats. I really like that stool! I may have to make one for when he âhelpsâ me work in the garage
@Px4 im building one for the garage as well. FYI the bottom of the one in the pic is an IKEA stool we had.
@missliterallywho our 2yo goes to sleep without much fuss. I think most of the controversy is about doing it before 1. I could be mistaken.
@missliterallywho @Prestor John yes you guys are absolutely right, my mom is actually a pediatric NP, so we had a great resource. She told us that you shouldnât attempt to let a baby cry it out until they are old enough to sleep through the night without needing to eat. Usually 6 months old at absolute minimum. And only after you make sure their other needs have been met, theyâre fed, not too warm/cool, in a dry/clean diaper, etc. A child that is crying ONLY for comfort at bedtime, IMO itâs ok to begin letting them cry it out. Learning to self soothe is actually an important skill that they need to learn. I will say that itâs hard to listen to your child cry, but eventually they all have to sleep on their own. The âtimerâ system my wife and I used was a happy medium between having them cry vs sleeping in our room forever
we haven't ever let ours cry it out, but no dis to you whatsoever @Px4 . im glad you guys found what works for you. i dont coddle mine, i try not to. they're all boys and they're still tough as nails even though i gave them a full two years each of nursing and co-sleeping. imo the first one is the most difficult. after that, the younger ones strive to be like big brother or big sis so its easier to wean them from the various milestones...
as for parents having their bed back, alone together--- i say we just have to acknowledge that there are different seasons of our lives/ relationships and its not always going to be like the honeymoon... couples can still find ways to be together in another space of the house. afterall, the point of marriage is to have children...
@Volkmom it took me a bit to come around to your way of thinking since my wife and I had planned to parent very differently. I saw her rejection of sleep training, nursing until almost 2, and then co-sleeping as coddling and soft but I went along with it because she is at home with them. I couldnât have been more wrong. My son is tougher, stronger and more confident than kids twice his age. Iâm convinced Moms milk gave him the strength and knowing he has a home base gives him the confidence. Thatâs not to say kids SA canât be those thing when raised differently. It just works for us, except the lack of sleep right now.
@Volkmom none taken! Discussion is great, two very different schools of thought, two very different approaches towards meeting the same goal...happy, well adjusted, confident huwhyte children. @Prestor John I agree with you both, breastfeeding is so vital. Formula has its place but any amount of breast milk is better than none IMO. Curious as to your guysâ opinion on spanking? My siblings and I were spanked as children but very rarely. It was like the nuclear option for my parents, thatâs kind of how weâve been doing it with our son, when he needs discipline he first gets a sort of time-out, which isnât really a punishment, more of a re-direct. One of us will sit with him in the rocking chair and talk about why we donât (pester the dog, stand on the coffee table, take sissyâs toys..etc) after that we go back out to play. If he continues the behavior he gets one very clear, stern warning, we make sure that we have eye contact and he knows what heâs being warned about. If he still continues, he gets a spanking, a couple of firm swats across his diapered behind usually does the trick. Weâve been very consistent with the redirect, warning, spanking. And after a few times of that, we very rarely ever get past the warning stage anymore. I think once he realized that we werenât kidding, he thinks twice before we get to that point lol
Only asking because I was at the grocery store earlier and a girl Iâm guessing around 4 was having a full on tantrum in the store, her mom was pretty much ignoring it, but the dad was doing the âok thatâs the last time, I meant it! Donât do that, stop it, alright Iâm counting to three, one two three, alright thatâs it! This is your final warning...â
I know my mom would have pulled me out of that cart and spanked me in front of everyone without a second thought, thankfully our 2yo is far too curious at the store to be getting upset.
@Px4 we have not crossed that bridge yet. Our oldest is still under 2. My wife and I were both spanked but she is now opposed I am not. My feeling is that as long as it is consistent and controlled spanking is a good thing. I was only spanked 2-3 times and was a fairly well behaved child.
I spank my kids while theyâre young just use it as a sort of thing that lets them know theyâre in trouble not to punish them with pain. When they get older I use work (academic and physical), taking away some of there toys or other pleasures as well as push ups and running as punishment.
@JesseJames that's what my dad did with me. spanking until I was 8, then just various types of grounding and what-not
One unique thing I remember was one time I was bugging him while he needed to make phone calls or something, so he taught me how to do long division and made me do a bunch of long division problems for a few hours.
Same. I think it worked great on me so I continue with it. One difference is I can keep my cool with my kids much better than my father could.
Yeah donât spank angry
^ wish youâd told my pop that 30 years ago. Lol
Lol, one of those hard learned lessons
Weâve all been there.
@Prestor John Very nice! Glad to hear it! I totally agree. I have also seen some weirdo, typical liberal, parents take these ideas way too far. Definitely have to strike a balance. I think extended breastfeeding is great and the American Academy of Pediatrics now backs it up, which is great. But IMO weaning should be complete before the third birthday.
@Px4 Spanking has happened occasionally, usually if it was a quick dangerous situation. Such as the time my son was being rotten and attempting to run away from me in a parking lot. he was 2 and he ran away from me as I was helping him into the car. That was a sharp, quick, mama bear nip, as I think of it. Times like that make sense... As for a spank as a punishment, it can work for some children who respond to just the first spank, never needing to receive another one. I was that type of child. I was only spanked once or twice, and was quite well behaved. But a lot of children just don't respond to spanking and it can turn sour when your last attempt at solving the issue is spanking, and spanking no longer works.
If you spanking every day there is an issue that spanking wonât solve.
My sister and I were never spanked, it is definitely possible to raise healthy children without spanking.
Off the wall idea: IE Au-pair-Mädchen program. We are considering hiring an au pair as we do not have a ton of family support and have 2 under 2. Is this crazy or a building block for building a close knit society?
@Prestor John That's a great idea
We would need a coordinator who vetted the family and the applicants. But other than that itâs pretty straight forward. @missliterallywho would you be willing to ask around the womanâs server to see if there is interest?
@Prestor John I have been thinking this very same thing!