Message from @Px4

Discord ID: 485632092206792724


2018-09-01 13:30:32 UTC  

I’m no expert by any means, my wife and I are figuring this out as we go along too. It’s by far the most challenging experience of my life. Feel free to message me anytime, it’s great to be able to bounce ideas off of people here, I’m sure there are way more experienced parents here with tons of valuable knowledge

2018-09-01 14:24:14 UTC  

We are pro co-sleeping @Prestor John its quite trad. great for breastfeeding and bonding. at around 2 yo or so the transition to toddler bed is definitely difficult, but better imo thanl etting an infant "cry it out". i agree with Px4 about plenty of physical activity to help with kids' behavior. Also strictly limiting sugar can have huge effects. a little one on one goes a long way. perhaps just mom snuggling and reading books to your toddler while she nurses the nb could be helpful. implementing one small daily thing with the older child that is special just for them can be good too, such as giving them a constructive way to "help" cook dinner

2018-09-01 17:14:38 UTC  

@Volkmom @Px4 thanks! My wife was a nanny and sleep trained multiple kids but totally lost her nerve when it came to ours. She backed up her gut feeling with some research and we didn’t do it. Our soon to be 2yo was sleeping in his own bed earlier this year but with her being pregnant at the time and a heatwave making hi upstairs room a no go zone he came down into our bed. After our daughter was born we realized that we couldn’t switch back right away and wife and I Knie of like it when we all actually sleep.

My big take aways are consistency which we need to get back to and sugar, which he recently has had introduced to his diet. I did just build a high stool with a rail so he can stand next to mom in the kitchen.

2018-09-01 18:37:10 UTC  

@Prestor John see what I mean about every family being different! We opted for the cry it out method (sort of) and our two year old is great about sleeping. Not that I have anything against co-sleeping of course, just wasn’t for us. @Volkmom is spot on about the one on one time, a little extra reassurance and attention can go a long way. And I agree with you both about limiting sugar, with one exception, we only limit added or refined sugars. Naturally occurring sugars, especially in foods with a high fiber content, like fructose in fresh fruit, or lactose in milk/yogurt..we don’t really limit them per se. But we do strictly limit sugary snacks and junk food. We don’t give him juice, they don’t need it and he doesn’t like it anyway. Cookies/candy are saved for very special treats. I really like that stool! I may have to make one for when he “helps” me work in the garage

2018-09-01 19:14:54 UTC  

@Px4 im building one for the garage as well. FYI the bottom of the one in the pic is an IKEA stool we had.

@missliterallywho our 2yo goes to sleep without much fuss. I think most of the controversy is about doing it before 1. I could be mistaken.

2018-09-01 22:34:26 UTC  

@missliterallywho @Prestor John yes you guys are absolutely right, my mom is actually a pediatric NP, so we had a great resource. She told us that you shouldn’t attempt to let a baby cry it out until they are old enough to sleep through the night without needing to eat. Usually 6 months old at absolute minimum. And only after you make sure their other needs have been met, they’re fed, not too warm/cool, in a dry/clean diaper, etc. A child that is crying ONLY for comfort at bedtime, IMO it’s ok to begin letting them cry it out. Learning to self soothe is actually an important skill that they need to learn. I will say that it’s hard to listen to your child cry, but eventually they all have to sleep on their own. The “timer” system my wife and I used was a happy medium between having them cry vs sleeping in our room forever

2018-09-01 23:10:28 UTC  

we haven't ever let ours cry it out, but no dis to you whatsoever @Px4 . im glad you guys found what works for you. i dont coddle mine, i try not to. they're all boys and they're still tough as nails even though i gave them a full two years each of nursing and co-sleeping. imo the first one is the most difficult. after that, the younger ones strive to be like big brother or big sis so its easier to wean them from the various milestones...

2018-09-01 23:18:58 UTC  

as for parents having their bed back, alone together--- i say we just have to acknowledge that there are different seasons of our lives/ relationships and its not always going to be like the honeymoon... couples can still find ways to be together in another space of the house. afterall, the point of marriage is to have children...

2018-09-01 23:34:49 UTC  

@Volkmom it took me a bit to come around to your way of thinking since my wife and I had planned to parent very differently. I saw her rejection of sleep training, nursing until almost 2, and then co-sleeping as coddling and soft but I went along with it because she is at home with them. I couldn’t have been more wrong. My son is tougher, stronger and more confident than kids twice his age. I’m convinced Moms milk gave him the strength and knowing he has a home base gives him the confidence. That’s not to say kids SA can’t be those thing when raised differently. It just works for us, except the lack of sleep right now.

2018-09-02 00:28:33 UTC  

@Volkmom none taken! Discussion is great, two very different schools of thought, two very different approaches towards meeting the same goal...happy, well adjusted, confident huwhyte children. @Prestor John I agree with you both, breastfeeding is so vital. Formula has its place but any amount of breast milk is better than none IMO. Curious as to your guys’ opinion on spanking? My siblings and I were spanked as children but very rarely. It was like the nuclear option for my parents, that’s kind of how we’ve been doing it with our son, when he needs discipline he first gets a sort of time-out, which isn’t really a punishment, more of a re-direct. One of us will sit with him in the rocking chair and talk about why we don’t (pester the dog, stand on the coffee table, take sissy’s toys..etc) after that we go back out to play. If he continues the behavior he gets one very clear, stern warning, we make sure that we have eye contact and he knows what he’s being warned about. If he still continues, he gets a spanking, a couple of firm swats across his diapered behind usually does the trick. We’ve been very consistent with the redirect, warning, spanking. And after a few times of that, we very rarely ever get past the warning stage anymore. I think once he realized that we weren’t kidding, he thinks twice before we get to that point lol

2018-09-02 00:31:15 UTC  

Only asking because I was at the grocery store earlier and a girl I’m guessing around 4 was having a full on tantrum in the store, her mom was pretty much ignoring it, but the dad was doing the “ok that’s the last time, I meant it! Don’t do that, stop it, alright I’m counting to three, one two three, alright that’s it! This is your final warning...”

2018-09-02 00:33:00 UTC  

I know my mom would have pulled me out of that cart and spanked me in front of everyone without a second thought, thankfully our 2yo is far too curious at the store to be getting upset.

2018-09-02 01:20:09 UTC  

@Px4 we have not crossed that bridge yet. Our oldest is still under 2. My wife and I were both spanked but she is now opposed I am not. My feeling is that as long as it is consistent and controlled spanking is a good thing. I was only spanked 2-3 times and was a fairly well behaved child.

2018-09-02 01:56:51 UTC  

I spank my kids while they’re young just use it as a sort of thing that lets them know they’re in trouble not to punish them with pain. When they get older I use work (academic and physical), taking away some of there toys or other pleasures as well as push ups and running as punishment.

2018-09-02 02:03:03 UTC  

@JesseJames that's what my dad did with me. spanking until I was 8, then just various types of grounding and what-not

2018-09-02 02:05:23 UTC  

One unique thing I remember was one time I was bugging him while he needed to make phone calls or something, so he taught me how to do long division and made me do a bunch of long division problems for a few hours.

2018-09-02 02:06:12 UTC  

Same. I think it worked great on me so I continue with it. One difference is I can keep my cool with my kids much better than my father could.

2018-09-02 02:06:29 UTC  

Yeah don’t spank angry

2018-09-02 02:07:22 UTC  

^ wish you’d told my pop that 30 years ago. Lol

2018-09-02 02:08:08 UTC  

Lol, one of those hard learned lessons

2018-09-02 02:08:33 UTC  

We’ve all been there.

2018-09-02 04:11:15 UTC  

@Prestor John Very nice! Glad to hear it! I totally agree. I have also seen some weirdo, typical liberal, parents take these ideas way too far. Definitely have to strike a balance. I think extended breastfeeding is great and the American Academy of Pediatrics now backs it up, which is great. But IMO weaning should be complete before the third birthday.

2018-09-02 04:14:11 UTC  

@Px4 Spanking has happened occasionally, usually if it was a quick dangerous situation. Such as the time my son was being rotten and attempting to run away from me in a parking lot. he was 2 and he ran away from me as I was helping him into the car. That was a sharp, quick, mama bear nip, as I think of it. Times like that make sense... As for a spank as a punishment, it can work for some children who respond to just the first spank, never needing to receive another one. I was that type of child. I was only spanked once or twice, and was quite well behaved. But a lot of children just don't respond to spanking and it can turn sour when your last attempt at solving the issue is spanking, and spanking no longer works.

2018-09-02 13:13:03 UTC  

If you spanking every day there is an issue that spanking won’t solve.

2018-09-02 14:06:03 UTC  

My sister and I were never spanked, it is definitely possible to raise healthy children without spanking.

2018-09-04 17:14:26 UTC  

Off the wall idea: IE Au-pair-Mädchen program. We are considering hiring an au pair as we do not have a ton of family support and have 2 under 2. Is this crazy or a building block for building a close knit society?

2018-09-04 17:16:50 UTC  

@Prestor John That's a great idea

2018-09-04 17:36:19 UTC  

We would need a coordinator who vetted the family and the applicants. But other than that it’s pretty straight forward. @missliterallywho would you be willing to ask around the woman’s server to see if there is interest?

2018-09-05 20:07:02 UTC  

@Prestor John I have been thinking this very same thing!

2018-09-12 10:45:15 UTC  

@Volkmom what do you say? Also, good morning :)🌞

2018-09-15 04:53:02 UTC  

sure!

2018-09-15 04:53:23 UTC  

been busy with homeschool, sorryguys

2018-09-17 17:03:27 UTC  

My wife is 37 weeks pregnant as of this Thursday. What are some tips y’all can give me for being prepared for this final stage. I already have car seats, diapers, all that kind of obvious stuff.

2018-09-17 18:52:20 UTC  
2018-09-17 18:52:27 UTC  

Home stretch

2018-09-17 18:53:50 UTC  

Can’t wait!

https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/459564946296930324/491320896385187853/image0.jpg

2018-09-17 18:54:37 UTC  

Lel

2018-09-19 21:09:46 UTC  

Thanks for the advice @missliterallywho and congratulations!

2018-09-19 21:09:54 UTC  

But have you run a marathon?

2018-09-20 02:19:47 UTC  

Can anyone recommend a homeschool curriculum that would pass New York states stringent (anti) homeschool requirements?