@missliterallywho dreams are wild sometimes, self fulfilling prophecy sometimes it seems

@ThisIsChrisThankyou,quite true!

@SuperTomPerry -RIexactly & I myself have had a few that have come true too.

My wife and I dated for a year in high school. Got engaged and married two years later. We didn’t live together until marriage although she stayed with me a lot. I think when you know you know. If my wife and I had been adults when we met I would have been willing to marry her within a couple of months. If you have that connection there is no denying it.

My wife and I, when I was 20 and she 19, knew we were going to marry about 3 months into dating.

When preparing to marry a woman, no one really know how the fertility situation will work out. How do you ensure you don’t get stuck with an infertile woman?
* Would you get fertility testing done before proposing? Testing the guy is cheap and easy, testing the woman can cost thousands of dollars and involve invasive surgical procedures.
* Would you start trying for children after marriage and if none come, divorce?
* Would you start trying for children after getting engaged and if no children come, cancel the wedding?
* Would you agree to start trying for children and hold off on the engagement until she gets pregnant?

Dang that’s a tough one.

Ask why she's infertile. If it was because of cervical cancer...run.

If all the criteria were met but we were surprised with infertility...I wouldn't divorce, my personal belief is that miracles happen.

Yeah miracles happen and "scientific certainty" really isn't that when it comes to biology.

> Ask why she's infertile.

I’m talking about any woman who you don’t know her fertility status. I’m not talking about someone who *knows* she’s infertile.

Unless she's literally had her reproductive organs removed I don't think "infertility" is ever 100%.

The only couple I know who really couldn't conceive is in their 80s and missed the window of modern medicine when they were young

Other couples I've known have struggled with it, but eventually conceived after trying several times.

There's all sorts of fertility treatments now too, black and white infertility sounds more like a spook created by J-left media.

Like "sexual compatibility"

I’m reading articles that show fertility is much lower than I had assumed. Like this site <https://www.livescience.com/51761-ticking-clock-optimum-age-for-women-to-begin-families-infographic.html>

It says if you want 90% likelihood of having 3 children, you must start trying when she is 23. Well shoot, I’m 31, I won’t necessarily pull a woman young enough to be 23 after marriage when we start trying for children. And I don’t want to be stuck with a no-child life.

I have multiple peers who have been trying to get pregnant for years unsuccessfully. The data in the above link agrees with this.

Even including IVF, the most radical of fertility treatments, 90% chance of 3 children is only if you start when she’s 28. If I want 5 children and if I’m not pulling 21 year olds, I need a failure plan.

>sounds like a spook created by the media

Manipulating statistics for divorce rates to include blacks and high school drop-outs and re-marriages in order to scare white educated men away from marriage, I agree.

Low fertility rates, I don’t see how that would discourage men from seeking to be fathers. If anything, it might encourage more sex. Regardless, the above data doesn’t lie and unlike divorce rates, fertility is unlikely to be affected by as many factors, so the results are more relevant to us.

I'm no medical doctor but this is the only time I've ever seen a scientific source saying you must start so young. Morally speaking I'm all for young families, but practically speaking every family I've known has 3+ kids and started after 23, some in their 30s. One such family started at 35, and their third kid was unplanned ("an accident"). That includes some couples that struggled at first. Saying you need (the woman) to start at 23 just doesn't match up with my experience.

I think it’s because of the 90% confidence interval. That could mean 10% of people are infertile and the rest have kids as soon as they want them. This throws off the average. So it’s not that most people need to start at 23, but that if you include the severely fertile challenged in the data, the average must start at 23.

So how do I ensure I don’t get stuck with a ten-percenter?

Fertility has been lowered by HPV and HPV Vaccines...otherwise, you're fine.

Stay healthy and date healthy.

That’s not enough for me, I’d like a plan. Thus far, I’m leaning towards fertility testing before getting engaged.

The biggest issue of your plan is how to get that testing done without weirding her out.

Don't get me wrong, I'm in favor of it. I just don't know how to even go about bringing it up. It seems hard enough to do in the case where a husband and wife have tried and failed for a while.

It's asking a woman to potentially unveil the most brutal of truths.

You could >stumble upon information, and in a roundabout way make her think it's her own idea to find out?

lol

“Hey I found out there are great ways to test one’s fertility, here are my results; let’s see yours”?

@Tanner - SC I think this is the only way to make it turn out well

man, modernity is so weird

Don’t ask your girlfriend to take a fertility test lol.

Geez most people are afraid of having kids because of the...media...

We are fortunate.

The new Murdoch Murdoch knows what I’m talking about:
<https://youtu.be/s76QB5wiOlY>

MURDOCH-CHAN NOOOOO

@Tanner - SC haha that's great

Ultrasounds and bloodtests from a gynecologist can give a lot of insight. Not a 100% guarantee (which doesn't exist) but it will lead to a better understanding of her ability to carry.

Thanks y’all, that’s a plan I can follow.

I know I’m late to the party @Tanner - SC but you can tell a lot about fertility by appearance. Also was she on the pill? That stuff can mess with her health in many ways. I go married to a 28 yo when I was in my mid thirties. Two kids down and looking to have number 3 before she is 32.