sucks dude. something similar happened to me a few years ago except i was cheating on her. Sometimes i miss her but the best thing to do is let her go and find someone better.

I think only you know exactly what you want from this woman. I would say that some time between now and the next time you all talk would be a great idea. I am of the belief that the right relationship doesn’t come hard. There are trials and tribulations but you never truly second guess being together. If I where you I would go with my gut. My only advice is to look out for yourself as number one in this situation. Don’t allow yourself to be taken advantage of. It is hard for us to tell you what is best for you you’re the only one who knows that.

i wouldnt even talk to her again. the more you stay involved the longer it will hurt. its almost like a bandaid, you just need to rip it off.

Thanks @JesseJames. Like I said, we are very much victims of circumstance here. Had this been a normal relationship we would not have all this extra baggage and neurosis, and instead be able to love each other freely. I agree with you, though, a true relationship with the right partner should be effortless in a way, not that there isn't struggle involved.

@Caboose I know that is the case in most failed relationships, but I can't confidently say going zero contact would be the right decision. Before we ever hooked up, or even put our feelings for each other out there, she was simply a great friend of mine. Someone I was compelled to be around, help out and care for. None of that has changed...so it sincerely does not feel right to break contact completely and abandon this person.

Also, it's not like she dumped me. She did move away, and effectively chose to not be with me, but she's also fully admitted that she is terrified to be apart from me, because she has such a strong affection for me and knows that I'm her mate and have helped her grow stronger in many ways. One of the last things she did before we split was to reaffirm that she loves me, more than anyone before by a strong margin, and won't be able to stop thinking of me.

@Aleis⊕ccidentalis protect yourself and do what you think is right.

Interesting. In my personal oppinion it sounds like she could either be just telling you what she thinks you want to hear, or she could be telling you that to keep you around in case she gets bored with the other guy again and wants another option. But yes protect yourself. this is the beginging of a very toxic relationship that could possibly cause years of depression like it did to me. i wouldnt trust her and look at other options yourself. if she really loves you the sight of you with another woman will drive her crazy.

Whether it's guilt you feel for cheating, or disgust you feel after being cheated on, infidelity will always remain a stain on a relationship. It's possible to work through it and forgive, I guess, but it will always be there in some form. I don't like the mentality of "taking a break" because that translates to "let me explore my options and get back to you if they don't pan out."
I know generalizing women is misogynistic and should be illegal (sarcasm) but the "strong feelings" she has for you will suddenly vanish when she finds another guy she likes. Sort of like exactly what happened when she left her boyfriend to be with you... You should follow your gut here and commit to no contact, including removing her from social media and anything else. Don't wait for her to bring you closure, create the closure yourself. Do what you know is right, and be confident in your decision. I promise you she will be fine.

@JesseJames @Caboose @TV Thank you all for the advice, that is what I need to do, look out for myself. Really, I need to stop thinking about it, and stop trying to put all the pieces together in my head. It's driving me insane.

Henlo borthers. I asked a churchy QT classmate to lunch today and I am going to meet with her and her friends in the cafeteria today. Could be nothing, but good practice in any case. (And who knows maybe I'll hit it off better with one of her friends )

Good luck, my dude

At lunch:
"Wow, so you're, like, thirty!"
"Not only am I *like* thirty, I am in fact past it."
Is autism to blame?

She did say I looked more ~24. She probably thought that when she agreed to the meal lol.

😓

But it was fine. I talked more to her friends than her, because her friends talk more and she is very succint. One of her friends, a 9.1/10 hhweat-field tier trad blonde dominated the discussion with a passionate dissertation on hymns. But she's even younger so not going to try that (plus I have the stench of a pagan-curious former atheist).

Point is, they're out there. Just don't believe the (((meme))) that you need to "explore" and "find yourself" until you're in your late twenties.

@Wood-Ape - OK/MN stench of a pagan haha, that was a great way to describe it

Not literal I hope. Oklahoma is a bit muggy though.

I myself come from that background, back to catholicism now due to my protestant wife. And no not literal at all, just in the context of your conversation with the Hymnist i can only imagine her thoughts, would be much like my wifes were back when i took the northern road

@Wood-Ape - OK/MN Okie, ive heard bad things, twisters for one, too many non huwhites for 2

We're 66%. So not great, but not 45-40% like most of the south.
But only state other than West Virginia to have ZERO Democratc counties last election.

I didn't really comment on any faith matters other than saying (the old "Helicopter Mom" podcast line) that a lot of modern praise music sounded like trying to convince Jesus to be your boyfriend. Which she laughed at.

Nice

I've gotten the "wow! You're so old" comment before. She was 17 and I'm 26 and I wasn't even hitting on her. She clearly was crushing on me though. We were at a beach and she told me she liked my tan lines.

I have a pretty definitive farmers tan.

My current wife was 17 when i was 25, it works, 8 years is a good distance in my book

My parents are 8 years apart as well

My current girlfriend is 19 I'll be 27 next month.

Yea I thinks thats perfect

Just my opinion

Last fall I was dating a 20 year old, 8/pol/ meeting, Evola-reading redhead. I almost thought it was some kind of antifa plot it was too perfect. But ten years was a bit too much gap for her. I hope some younger goy can scoop her up someday.

@Der Seeteufel - SD lol yeah I look pretty Med in the arms, neck and face, but pale Celtic shirtless. In the summer I wear a long sleeve fishing shirt so the Amish tan goes up to eleven.

smh

My grandparents were ten years apart when they got married.

That was when there was a rooted culture and wiser traditions. Now we live in a youth-worshipping morass of ever-spinning pop-culture. Not relating to the same media bullshit seems enough to prove a "gap." Also feminism tells girls they have to be more mature, more advanced and more skilled than men.

It stands to evidence that girls lose value in the sexual market as they grow older and their fertility wanes, whereas men's sexual market value increases as they grow older and accrue more resources.

Like you goys were saying earlier its a natural fit to have something of a gap.

Oh I agree. It's just getting girls in [the current year] to understand the most basic truths is tough.

Yeah my last relationship ended because I dared to mention the "Join or die" political cartoon that led to the gadston flag. Somehow that set her off beyond the point of no recovery.

Dude if she cheated on you, no way

Like a week late on this but just catching up lol

If a woman cheats on you she is toxic. Literally the worst thing a woman could ever do to a man is cheating because until relatively recent history a man could not be sure of paternity. Even now it isn't something that gets tested until there's another reason to doubt. A cheating wife isn't only genetic death but robs you of the resources that you could have used to care for your own children. If a woman I loved ever cheated on me not only would I dump her, I would also do my best to make sure any guy she was ever interested in knew her history.