Message from @Thomas
Discord ID: 421891474129551361
I mean they pretty based but I believe in purgatory or at least something more than just heaven and hell
just makes sense
why pray for the dead if they have a set fate
Well fellas. I'm still spiritually deaf and blind. Made the decision that fasting wasn't for me. Now I just skip all my meals during the day, and I'm pretty sure that's how I'm going to just live my life. No food during the day, just dinner in the evening.
It gets to a certain point when you scream for God and he doesn't answer that you're more or less just so spiritually and mentally confused that you can't even think straight. I've no righteous clue how to understand.
About ten years of my life, I've asked and pleaded,
through the bible
on my knees,
begging God
to just show me, something,
anything,
to let me know that he was there.
And either I'm blind or he doesn't want me to.
I'm banking on the former, but the latter isn't ruled out of question.
I've recently been asking him what he wants me to do.
I'd do anything
and I mean it
I mean it,
*anything*
to know what he wants me to do.
My apathy
is essentially overwhelming me, ironically.
More than anything, I'm just tired.
Mostly tired of the deafening silence that I feel whenever I try to pray.
The complete lack of presence.
I know He's there,
dammit I know.
But I can't hear him,
and I can't see him.
And now I can't even feel him.
I want to make a nation for him, I want to serve him in any way shape or form that he desires me to, I'll go to the ends of the earth, and I will surrender my life *if He'll just. Let. Me. Know.*
But I hear nothing
I see nothing
I feel nothing.
I am, for lack of a better word, dead.
Or at least vegetative.
I'd ask for prayers but I don't know that they'd work anymore.
I think that this is my lot.
That God has made me this way. So that I will do something because of this complete and utter silence.
That's all, fellas.