Message from TheGreatShiniGami in Realism #general


2017-05-13 21:01:21 UTC  

Took a friend to the greyhound station, we were both harassed by security while hoodlums were loitering freely - and loudly at side of the doors, staring down any white folk

2017-05-13 21:02:01 UTC  

Greyhound's always full of them. Just another part of the parcel. The world we live in a is a place of punishment.

2017-05-13 21:06:02 UTC  

Always driven wherever, I'm thankful to never have had to experience a series of public transit. The majority being minorities at that point

2017-05-13 21:08:48 UTC  

The suburban, mostly white communities are great. Businesses stretched for miles, prosperous. Inner STL looks ravaged, buildings vacated, collapsed and/or used for drug houses or squatters, roads barely paved etc etc

2017-05-13 21:08:50 UTC  

It's terrible. I took a trip to Mobile once through Greyhound, since I only got a few days off of work and couldn't travel with the rest of my family.

2017-05-13 21:08:59 UTC  

It's still too close to the Line for me, man.

2017-05-13 21:09:26 UTC  

Anything north of the top of TN is out of bounds for the most part, I don't have much reason to travel there. The expense also hampers it.

2017-05-13 21:11:35 UTC  

The drive -through- TN on highways running East wasn't all that bad. Traveled from here to North Carolina and vice versa several times. Southern IL and KY is questionable.

2017-05-13 21:12:28 UTC  

Still not much reason to go there for me. I'm kind of stuck where I'm at by the way my life turned out.

2017-05-13 21:12:35 UTC  

That's what happens when you're a failure.

2017-05-13 21:14:14 UTC  

Eh, I'm not much better. In the middle of a disability case over several physical and mental health issues. But the money being used will be to help get me back to work and hopefully back to school over time. I worked consistently from 16-21, it slowed at that point.

2017-05-13 21:14:35 UTC  

Wew lad.

2017-05-13 21:15:40 UTC  

Wha

2017-05-13 21:16:50 UTC  

That sucks, but at least you have a path out.

2017-05-13 21:17:14 UTC  

I would, if I could actually get any effort I put in to succeed. But that never happens.

2017-05-13 21:18:25 UTC  

What's stopping you?

2017-05-13 21:19:17 UTC  

Failure.

2017-05-13 21:19:23 UTC  

Every effort always fails.

2017-05-13 21:19:50 UTC  

No exceptions. It's a trend that's followed me my entire life. Everything only works out just enough to keep me alive and keep me too cowardly to kill myself.

2017-05-13 21:20:04 UTC  

Ouch, I didn't ask to feel

2017-05-13 21:20:05 UTC  

Plus the Mexican Standoff about that with Mother doesn't help anything.

2017-05-13 21:20:17 UTC  

Don't feel then. It's not like it's worth you feeling over.

2017-05-13 21:20:32 UTC  

It's just how things are. That's why I call the world a place of punishment.

2017-05-13 21:22:51 UTC  

Well.. The last medicine combination that a psychiatrist put me on ultimately numbed/dulled everything, including the fear of failing a suicide attempt. Tried, nearly succeeded but of course not quite. They were able to resuscitate. Now the fear is tenfold while everything becomes more miserable and difficult to bear.

2017-05-13 21:23:05 UTC  

Shrinks are all Jews, Marxists or Marxist Jews.

2017-05-13 21:23:51 UTC  

I've been in therapy before, and nothing has helped in any way. No medication ever fixed anything, it just made it more of a monotonous, hopeless grind rather than apocalyptic doom.

2017-05-13 21:23:53 UTC  

Yeah, which is why I haven't returned to one. Been two years or so now

2017-05-13 21:24:18 UTC  

Like I said. This world is a place of punishment.

2017-05-13 21:24:53 UTC  

It'll get better. Has to, right? :^)

2017-05-13 21:24:59 UTC  

No, it doesn't.

2017-05-13 21:25:16 UTC  

And no, it doesn't. It only gets worse. Nothing ever gets better, at least from where I'm standing it doesn't.

2017-05-13 21:25:22 UTC  

Slight sarcasm there..

2017-05-13 21:25:31 UTC  

I figured. It's an automatic response at this point.

2017-05-13 21:25:55 UTC  

Even if someone says something sarcastically, if it makes the Voices scream, it prompts a response.

2017-05-13 21:26:14 UTC  

>Voices

2017-05-13 21:26:17 UTC  

Oh no

2017-05-13 21:26:31 UTC  

What?

2017-05-13 21:26:52 UTC  

Yeah, I have a condition. No, I'm not going to go Dylan Roof, that accomplishes nothing and only furthers suffering.

2017-05-13 21:28:41 UTC  

As long as you're self-aware.

2017-05-13 21:28:57 UTC  

I am. Why else would I say that I'm a loser and failure?

2017-05-13 21:29:15 UTC  

My results speak for me. It's a painful awareness.