However, An emperor named Commodus pulled up

Lazy, ineffective ruler

Who was unpopular

He was assassinated and the throne fell into chaos

In 193; there were 5 claimants for the throne and Septimius Severus ended up claiming it

All was gucci until 211 when he died and Geta took the throne.

His own brother killed him in his mom’s arms.

He was one cruel bastard ngl

Burned down Alexandria when they dissed him

@Florida Man yeah.

Not even barbarians

After Caracalla was assassinated a string of emperors came up

Resulting in 20 years of like 17 emperors

It was ok from 263 when Gallienus was in power

The empire somehow recovered; but we’re not done here

Diocletian ended up making a tetrarchy by 284

That was fine; worked out ok

Enter 337 CE; constantine’s death

The empire did super well under Cinstantine

Constantine

It was then split under his three sons

One was a faggot; the other quiet, and another rebellious

The faggot killed the rebel; and a usurper killed the faggot

All was fine till Constantius I died in 261

Julian the Apostate pullednup

Yeah the quiet one reigned for a bit

Old age got to him

Alas

The year’s like 375

Emperor Valentinian I dies of a burst blood vessel from rage

After meeting with quadi diplomats

A bunch of mediocre emperors take ground; but otherwise it’s fine

I’d say the real downfall was in 395 AD

Excellent emperor Theodosius I divided the empire into Two

The problem was

Honorius inherited the West side

Honorius was fucking pathetic

He killed off his best general; Stilicho, and in 410 when rome was plundered by barbarians

Here’s what he said

My phone died.

Mb

Honorius was told that Rome was lost.

And at that moment; Honorius was fucking livid

Why?

Because his chicken was named rome and thought he got lost

When he was corrected that the City was lost he was relieved

Spineless emperor.

The east was OK basically

Arcadius was weak; but Theodosius II came in and ruled for 50 years

In the West some bloke named Valentinian III came along

He was powerless and controlled by anyone around him

Ended up being convinced to kill his best general; Flavius Aetius

He was assassinated in 455 AD.

His successor wasn’t better and got stoned to death by a mob

From there, the west was falling terribly

A general named Majorian tried his best to recover territory and succeeded

Except in the early 460s, a despot general named Ricimer killed him.

Rome fell in 476 AD shortly after.

The east on the other hand was fine.

Leo I The Thracian and Marcian handled the Huns and barbarians well

Then came along a homie named Zeno in 476

His own brother in law convinced him that his life was in danger and nicked the throne while he was gone.

Basiliscus was killed in 477 in Cappadocia.

Zeno promised to not shed his blood so he left him and his family to die in a cistern.

Zeno ruled until his death in 491?

All was ok; an old emperor came to throne; Anastasius I Dicorus

Anastasius completely filled up the NOW Byzantine treasury

His time came by; and for his successor Justin I

Then came Justinian I

People see him as great; and yeah; sure.

He conquered territory

But he let the Nika Riots go by and drained the treasury

Not amazing, but he was a good emperor overall

His successor Justin II his nephew was a bit insane.

Died after a short reign

His successors were fine souls; coming up to a lad named Maurice

Maurice was on the danube frontier in 602 when a Centurion named Phokas overthrew him and executed him

People say phokas was miserably terrible, but I’ll explain later

Phokas had a lot to deal with since the Sassanid emperor named Khosrau declared war on the Byzantine empire, and there were Slavs in the west.

Phokas was quite unpopular, but he ended up doing OK. Sort of better than his successor

Heraclius was the next in line who had him killed in 608.

Heraclius held off the Sassanids pretty well for 30 years until trouble brewed in the Levant

Something happened in 632 AD, anyone know what?

AllahuAkbarman died

Aka Muhammad

So; Moslems began erupting

The sassanids and byzantines went to fight them

In 636, at the mouth of the Yarmouk river

The Arabs completely smashed an army that outnumbered them

Heraclius was broken, and he died years later. Poor soul, all he worked for was destroyed

His successor did his best to hold off the Arabs and did perfectly fine.

Constans II Pogonatos became unpopular towards the end of his reign in 668.

He was killed in his own tub by his chamberlain with a bucket.

Whoops!

Coming around to uhh

700 AD

The emperors were fine off

Some bloke named Justinian II came up

He’s not even disrupting my flow of words

I don’t mind