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2017-04-08 14:55:27 UTC

but I don't know how it is for you really

2017-04-08 14:55:30 UTC

in terms of how it feels

2017-04-08 14:55:36 UTC

no, that's exactly how it feels

2017-04-08 14:55:45 UTC

do you appreciate how much you come off that way to others though? I've always wondered

2017-04-08 14:55:55 UTC

in online chats I mean

2017-04-08 14:55:56 UTC

not real life

2017-04-08 14:56:03 UTC

I wake up in the morning and before I leave, I look in the mirror and swear an oath to never say anything true about myself to any coworker or stranger I meet

2017-04-08 14:56:10 UTC

I seriously do that every day

2017-04-08 14:56:31 UTC

and then I don't

2017-04-08 14:56:38 UTC

they are still not sure which part of the country I am even from

2017-04-08 14:56:42 UTC

I tell different stories to different people

2017-04-08 14:56:57 UTC

they do not know if I like them or hate them

2017-04-08 14:57:05 UTC

they are never sure if I am serious when I say things

2017-04-08 14:57:23 UTC

people with your "problem" can indeed become very successful in life

2017-04-08 14:57:26 UTC

by feeding the beast

2017-04-08 14:57:34 UTC

sociopaths are CEOs, NPD people are superstars

2017-04-08 14:57:44 UTC

you're right

2017-04-08 14:57:49 UTC

but the thing is, I do not enjoy it

2017-04-08 14:57:53 UTC

they don't either

2017-04-08 14:58:03 UTC

that's what I'm on about, it's ultimately empty

2017-04-08 14:58:05 UTC

I only want to get enough money to be able to afford rent and lentils indefinitely

2017-04-08 14:58:18 UTC

and then I will quit everything forever

2017-04-08 14:58:23 UTC

do you think you could do that though

2017-04-08 14:58:27 UTC

absolutely

2017-04-08 14:58:40 UTC

does this quit everything include basically socialzing on the internet

2017-04-08 14:58:50 UTC

that's a part of it right?

2017-04-08 14:59:02 UTC

you're going to use the internet as your valve

2017-04-08 14:59:12 UTC

or is it a full hermit mode

2017-04-08 14:59:13 UTC

basically once I quit everything I will never misrepresent myself ever again

2017-04-08 14:59:17 UTC

RENT?

2017-04-08 14:59:21 UTC

FUCK THAT

2017-04-08 14:59:23 UTC

GET A HOMESTEAD

2017-04-08 14:59:26 UTC

AND GROW LENTILS

2017-04-08 14:59:30 UTC

and pay rent to the government instead

2017-04-08 14:59:33 UTC

New Neocon levelof low

2017-04-08 14:59:36 UTC

YOU PAY EITHER WAY

2017-04-08 14:59:50 UTC

what's wrong with that tweet?

2017-04-08 14:59:51 UTC

ALSO

2017-04-08 14:59:54 UTC

IF IT IS A WORKING FARM

2017-04-08 14:59:58 UTC

GENERATE TAXES AND DEDUCT

2017-04-08 15:00:01 UTC

that's gay

2017-04-08 15:00:01 UTC

OR RUN A NOT FOR PROFIT

2017-04-08 15:00:03 UTC

"military men and women"

2017-04-08 15:00:03 UTC

it's a bland platitude

2017-04-08 15:00:05 UTC

"the world"

2017-04-08 15:00:18 UTC

Neocon on steroids

2017-04-08 15:00:23 UTC

prozak if you are willing I would want to talk to you about the pros and cons of land ownership

2017-04-08 15:00:23 UTC

IT WILL BE READ AS A GLOBALIST PLATITUDE

2017-04-08 15:00:26 UTC

because there are definite cons

2017-04-08 15:00:32 UTC

I AGREE THERE ARE CONS

2017-04-08 15:00:34 UTC

INDEED

2017-04-08 15:00:36 UTC

why can't people just be normal

2017-04-08 15:00:38 UTC

THERE ARE MANY CONS

2017-04-08 15:00:44 UTC

forget all of the mess they have accrued

2017-04-08 15:00:45 UTC

HOWEVER, RENTING IS AWFUL

2017-04-08 15:00:46 UTC

in their heads

2017-04-08 15:00:46 UTC

Owning anything can be punishing in certain countries

2017-04-08 15:00:52 UTC

But here, it really isn't

2017-04-08 15:00:54 UTC

prozak

2017-04-08 15:01:00 UTC

Even if you own huge amounts of land

2017-04-08 15:01:33 UTC

land ownership = tax, HOA/ordinance, needing to do your own repairs, and worst of all being locked into one spot if the area ever becomes a bad place to live

2017-04-08 15:01:38 UTC

i.e. in case of disaster, war, whatever

2017-04-08 15:01:53 UTC

it's a huge financial liability in that it will not generate income for you as quickly as other investments, and is not liquid

2017-04-08 15:02:08 UTC

i.e. if your house appreciates by 5000% you will still need to find a buyer otherwise that return is fictional

2017-04-08 15:02:28 UTC

there are a lot of pros to owning land but I only do it for the cheapest land

2017-04-08 15:02:42 UTC

it's only worth doing if it cost 1 month's salary or less and very low taxes

2017-04-08 15:02:52 UTC

like a random few acres out in Montana or something

2017-04-08 15:02:54 UTC

@fallot many cannot do that. Their mess has defined them.

2017-04-08 15:03:15 UTC

I was just referring to alt right people online

2017-04-08 15:03:20 UTC

basically the more "choice" the land becomes, the worse it is to actually do - it costs more and there's more rules

2017-04-08 15:03:27 UTC

I feel like these people are trapped in their ideas/movements/whatever

2017-04-08 15:03:35 UTC

I don't expect objectivity from people

2017-04-08 15:03:39 UTC

but I do expect composure

2017-04-08 15:03:41 UTC

and fallot - my plan after seceding from society is to just do whatever the hell I want

2017-04-08 15:03:52 UTC

probably become intensely involved in art & music

2017-04-08 15:04:11 UTC

say whatever the hell I want without fear of consequence, hang out with whoever remains

2017-04-08 15:04:29 UTC

probably remain semi nomadic

2017-04-08 15:04:37 UTC

I don't agree with your motivations but the plan itself isn't bad

2017-04-08 15:04:43 UTC

so maybe it'll work out to something good

2017-04-08 15:05:23 UTC

what even are my motivations?

2017-04-08 15:05:29 UTC

all I want is what I consider basic human freedom

2017-04-08 15:05:32 UTC

your stated motivations I mean

2017-04-08 15:05:38 UTC

it just requires being a hardcore sociopath to get there

2017-04-08 15:06:14 UTC

that's the funniest part, I do not even enjoy being how I am. It is useful but I only turned out this way because my life directly forced me to, otherwise I never would've had any guile at all

2017-04-08 15:06:31 UTC

that is part of why I hate the world so much, it forced me to become mini satan just to survive

2017-04-08 15:06:49 UTC

I think we already had a productive conversation

2017-04-08 15:06:53 UTC

by the way I'm very happy about that, thank you

2017-04-08 15:06:59 UTC

I felt like I spoke to a real person

2017-04-08 15:07:12 UTC

good

2017-04-08 15:07:23 UTC

I think I'm fine with leaving it at that unless you want to continue

2017-04-08 15:07:33 UTC

well, there's not much to say on the topic

2017-04-08 15:07:54 UTC

actually, one more point

2017-04-08 15:07:58 UTC

I don't know if you considered it

2017-04-08 15:08:21 UTC

I think my narcissism is part innate, but hugely exacerbated by having to chronically lie

2017-04-08 15:08:24 UTC

it's funny, what you said about your life

2017-04-08 15:08:30 UTC

I'm in some ways the exact opposite too

2017-04-08 15:08:31 UTC

if I am not narcissistic I will lose sense of myself entirely

2017-04-08 15:08:54 UTC

I only turned out fine because I had a great life, otherwise I am predisposed potentially to being a pretty bad person

2017-04-08 15:08:55 UTC

lie lie lie lie REAFFIRM SELF lie lie lie lie REAFFIRM SELF

2017-04-08 15:09:01 UTC

no see

2017-04-08 15:09:05 UTC

that is the fear, the wall

2017-04-08 15:09:06 UTC

the barrier

2017-04-08 15:09:10 UTC

there's something real beyond that

2017-04-08 15:09:25 UTC

you keep responding to that fear, thinking you're doing something about it

2017-04-08 15:09:29 UTC

you're not, you're just delaying things

2017-04-08 15:09:35 UTC

of course, and if I became that person I would be impoverished instantly

2017-04-08 15:09:37 UTC

because the ultimate issue remains unresolved

2017-04-08 15:09:58 UTC

maybe you could become that way slowly

2017-04-08 15:10:03 UTC

if I were real I would quit medical school yesterday and just start drawing comics and play guitar

2017-04-08 15:10:15 UTC

I would just make art all day every day

2017-04-08 15:10:26 UTC

and be poor

2017-04-08 15:10:42 UTC

would you like to do that

2017-04-08 15:10:44 UTC

I know a girl who is a professional artist, she is disney grade

2017-04-08 15:10:45 UTC

if you could eke out a living

2017-04-08 15:10:50 UTC

she lost weight due to starvation

2017-04-08 15:10:51 UTC

hypothetically

2017-04-08 15:11:09 UTC

she is better than I ever will be

2017-04-08 15:12:06 UTC

but she lives with her parents and cannot afford enough food

2017-04-08 15:12:41 UTC

is she happy

2017-04-08 15:12:46 UTC

no

2017-04-08 15:12:52 UTC

she started gradually becoming a tumblr SJW

2017-04-08 15:13:22 UTC

oh well

2017-04-08 15:13:23 UTC

last I saw she got an undercut

2017-04-08 15:13:54 UTC

she posted stuff about how the mormon church should basically go SJW and I called it retarded and she blocked me on social media

2017-04-08 15:14:19 UTC

it was like one of the only posts I even made this year

2017-04-08 15:14:22 UTC

a lot of people with your affliction use this SJW stuff by the way

2017-04-08 15:14:25 UTC

have you noticed?

2017-04-08 15:14:41 UTC

yes

2017-04-08 15:15:12 UTC

I used to think well of these people ultimately, because I thought they were motivated by love, even if they were massively wrong to the point of evil

2017-04-08 15:15:26 UTC

and that hasn't changed for most of them

2017-04-08 15:16:14 UTC

but plenty of people use it in a different way, anyway that's a pretty big topic and can get a bit self congratulatory in an alt-right context so nvm

2017-04-08 15:16:23 UTC

I'm interested

2017-04-08 15:16:34 UTC

there's not much to it

2017-04-08 15:16:41 UTC

they just use it as a justification for being a good person

2017-04-08 15:16:47 UTC

while beating up other people with those values and standards

2017-04-08 15:16:55 UTC

but in truth, they don't really care about anything but their own selves

2017-04-08 15:17:02 UTC

which are either gaping holes or gaping wounds

2017-04-08 15:17:12 UTC

these are the types who binge drink and use drugs and MDMA every weekend

2017-04-08 15:17:21 UTC

yeah, terminally unhappy people

2017-04-08 15:17:26 UTC

and do lots of yoga mindfulness bullshit but still struggle with depression

2017-04-08 15:17:38 UTC

all of that stuff they do looks to me like window dressing

2017-04-08 15:17:40 UTC

camoflague

2017-04-08 15:17:44 UTC

yes

2017-04-08 15:17:52 UTC

well there is a certain depression that comes with it

2017-04-08 15:18:20 UTC

I grew up around well centered, good, spiritual people

2017-04-08 15:18:33 UTC

so even now I have a bit of naivete about this

2017-04-08 15:18:34 UTC

I mean.... if you are never allowed to just be you, and everything you have to do to financially and socially survive requires systematically ripping out your natural behavior and feelings and replacing it with "useful" alternatives, it messes you up

2017-04-08 15:18:45 UTC

I don't know, I have some sympathy

2017-04-08 15:18:50 UTC

but at some level, their plight seems self chosen

2017-04-08 15:18:52 UTC

that is why I am far healthier than them

2017-04-08 15:19:01 UTC

I keep my true self hidden and carefully guarded, they just destroy it

2017-04-08 15:19:25 UTC

even people who are normal @Deleted User 57835c2c , comparatively normal

2017-04-08 15:19:26 UTC

at the end of the day I know who I really am and why I have more than a gigabyte of HD pictures of the northern lights on my computer and no porn

2017-04-08 15:19:31 UTC

relatively at ease with themselves

2017-04-08 15:19:35 UTC

even they create myriad false selves

2017-04-08 15:19:40 UTC

these people don't have the slightest clue who they are but they hope it's someone other people can like

2017-04-08 15:19:55 UTC

so I wouldn't count on it that what you've guarded is true per se

2017-04-08 15:20:03 UTC

I would

2017-04-08 15:20:16 UTC

the only way to know is to look deeply into it

2017-04-08 15:20:23 UTC

which is frankly, an uncomfortable experience for most people

2017-04-08 15:20:25 UTC

I do, often

2017-04-08 15:20:25 UTC

like I told you about Ludvig

2017-04-08 15:20:32 UTC

Pardon my interjection. Are there even a whole gigabyte of unique HD photos of the northern lights in existence to be curated?

2017-04-08 15:20:37 UTC

yes

2017-04-08 15:20:48 UTC

a gigabyte? that seems quite small

2017-04-08 15:20:50 UTC

Ah.

2017-04-08 15:20:50 UTC

esp HD

2017-04-08 15:21:19 UTC

I guess. Maybe I'm thinking the Northern Lights occur much less frequently than they do.

2017-04-08 15:21:32 UTC

they occur very often, based on your sentence

2017-04-08 15:21:55 UTC

in my opinion Finland and Iceland have the best aurora

2017-04-08 15:22:04 UTC

in the far north and south, depending on circumstance

2017-04-08 15:22:08 UTC

they are a regular and frequent occurance

2017-04-08 15:22:16 UTC

Oh. You can see them like every year! For some reason I thought they were like eclipses.

2017-04-08 15:22:17 UTC

that's why there are pictures at all to be honest

2017-04-08 15:22:26 UTC

a lot of weather phenomenon we still haven't actually photographed

2017-04-08 15:22:44 UTC

I don't believe there is a single proper photograph of ball lightning

2017-04-08 15:22:49 UTC

though a couple of less than satisfactory ones

2017-04-08 15:23:09 UTC

I am more moved by beautiful landscapes than by most peoples' ugly stupid lives

2017-04-08 15:23:38 UTC

try the way of love @Deleted User 57835c2c , not now

2017-04-08 15:23:40 UTC

but some day

2017-04-08 15:23:50 UTC

don't hate anyone, don't say anything bad about anyone

2017-04-08 15:24:09 UTC

if you feel great pain, accept it and do nothing else

2017-04-08 15:24:15 UTC

never think badly about anyone

2017-04-08 15:24:24 UTC

become baby jesus essentially

2017-04-08 15:24:36 UTC

Jesus is not like that though

2017-04-08 15:24:44 UTC

in the end times Jesus is going to come back and kill anyone who sucks

2017-04-08 15:24:48 UTC

sure, just as an example I mean

2017-04-08 15:24:54 UTC

be a truly innocent soul

2017-04-08 15:25:02 UTC

i.e. fake it or whatever, force yourself to do that

2017-04-08 15:25:26 UTC

become weak, a shmuck etc.

2017-04-08 15:25:28 UTC

plagues, wars, poisoning the oceans, locusts, then coming out of heaven with a flaming sword and an angelic army to murder anyone still alive who sucks at all

2017-04-08 15:25:30 UTC

no

2017-04-08 15:25:35 UTC

I would rather be like Jesus than do that

2017-04-08 15:25:47 UTC

it's an exercize really, you dont end up weak

2017-04-08 15:25:56 UTC

the point is you break past your issues and become truly strong

2017-04-08 15:26:04 UTC

rather than just evil

2017-04-08 15:26:08 UTC

what does strength mean

2017-04-08 15:26:18 UTC

not trying to "deconstruct," just be clear

2017-04-08 15:26:40 UTC

I would say it means two things together, corresponding with inner and outer nature

2017-04-08 15:26:52 UTC

the strength to overcome, and the strength to subsume/accept

2017-04-08 15:27:02 UTC

without one, the other becomes meaningless

2017-04-08 15:27:09 UTC

so truth and love together, is strength

2017-04-08 15:27:32 UTC

the strength to overcome on its own can even be a kind of weakness

2017-04-08 15:27:36 UTC

like a bully beating on schoolkids

2017-04-08 15:27:44 UTC

the strength to accept can also be weakness

2017-04-08 15:27:50 UTC

calmly watching the world go by, never acting

2017-04-08 15:28:06 UTC

but both I think is true strength

2017-04-08 15:28:36 UTC

I think a big part of the reason I am this way is that in my current life stage there is nothing I desire at all

2017-04-08 15:28:49 UTC

there is no way to recombine the elements of my day to day life in a way that is at all pleasing to me

2017-04-08 15:29:03 UTC

it's a fundamentally futile endeavour anyway

2017-04-08 15:29:10 UTC

to mix and match

2017-04-08 15:29:29 UTC

there is no scenario I can concoct in which commute, dress clothes, coworkers, boss, paperwork etc. becomes an enjoyable and fulfilling experience

2017-04-08 15:29:39 UTC

you can't know what you really want when you're so focused on hiding from some discomfort

2017-04-08 15:29:44 UTC

or dealing with some discomfort

2017-04-08 15:29:46 UTC

therefore I do not even try and just become cycnical while scrambling for the exit

2017-04-08 15:30:00 UTC

the #1 thing I want is no job

2017-04-08 15:30:08 UTC

I'm not sure that would be fulfilling either

2017-04-08 15:30:10 UTC

even if I have to eat nothing but lentils and sleep on bare plywood

2017-04-08 15:30:16 UTC

in itself no, it will not

2017-04-08 15:30:21 UTC

someone who is fulfilled is that way, to an extent, regardless of circumstance

2017-04-08 15:30:25 UTC

but unlike job life it will let me be free to seek fulfillment

2017-04-08 15:30:49 UTC

the party is still BYOB, but with a job I am not even invited to the party at all

2017-04-08 15:30:49 UTC

again, I don't agree with your motivations, but it could work in some other way

2017-04-08 15:31:28 UTC

the good life is not a puzzle in the sense of shifting pieces around

2017-04-08 15:31:56 UTC

it's about the depths of a person's soul, and it can be found in extreme adversity even

2017-04-08 15:32:00 UTC

or be absent in "complete freedom"

2017-04-08 15:32:10 UTC

like say a true sociopath, no set of circumstances

2017-04-08 15:32:14 UTC

will ever make a true sociopath happy

2017-04-08 15:32:19 UTC

even total control over reality

2017-04-08 15:32:51 UTC

they don't even know what satisfaction is, only dissatisfaction

2017-04-08 15:33:14 UTC

it's like a blind man may not understand sight

2017-04-08 15:33:18 UTC

but can still rue his blindness

2017-04-08 15:33:52 UTC

I have been completely happy in the last 5 years

2017-04-08 15:34:08 UTC

where I basically wanted nothing to change and was happy with my friends and life

2017-04-08 15:34:26 UTC

that's a good start

2017-04-08 15:36:10 UTC

welll, within the last 5 years

2017-04-08 15:36:19 UTC

I can remember what it was like

2017-04-08 15:36:20 UTC

PERSONAL HAPPINESS IS NOT THE QUESTION

2017-04-08 15:36:23 UTC

SOCIAL STABILITY IS

2017-04-08 15:36:26 UTC

HAVING A NON FAILING SOCIETY

2017-04-08 15:36:32 UTC

PERSONAL HAPPINESS COMES THROUGH PURSUIT OF SANITY

2017-04-08 15:36:33 UTC

that's a big part of it, yes

2017-04-08 15:36:35 UTC

AND EVASION OF INSANITY

2017-04-08 15:37:18 UTC

most of the reason I am so angry and think everything sucks so much is because I live in a society that encompasses the worst of capitalism and communism simultaneously, is ugly and filled with concrete and cars, and is filled with evil POC retards constantly drunk, high and sleeping around, and fat also

2017-04-08 15:37:31 UTC

basically the pain in me is the pain of living in a dysfunctional time and place

2017-04-08 15:37:46 UTC

it need not be that way though, which makes it less convincing

2017-04-08 15:37:54 UTC

because you can realize all that and not be angry too

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