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Discord ID: 267086373285134338
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but I don't know how it is for you really
in terms of how it feels
no, that's exactly how it feels
do you appreciate how much you come off that way to others though? I've always wondered
in online chats I mean
not real life
I wake up in the morning and before I leave, I look in the mirror and swear an oath to never say anything true about myself to any coworker or stranger I meet
I seriously do that every day
and then I don't
they are still not sure which part of the country I am even from
I tell different stories to different people
they do not know if I like them or hate them
they are never sure if I am serious when I say things
people with your "problem" can indeed become very successful in life
by feeding the beast
sociopaths are CEOs, NPD people are superstars
you're right
but the thing is, I do not enjoy it
they don't either
that's what I'm on about, it's ultimately empty
I only want to get enough money to be able to afford rent and lentils indefinitely
and then I will quit everything forever
do you think you could do that though
absolutely
does this quit everything include basically socialzing on the internet
that's a part of it right?
you're going to use the internet as your valve
or is it a full hermit mode
basically once I quit everything I will never misrepresent myself ever again
RENT?
FUCK THAT
GET A HOMESTEAD
AND GROW LENTILS
and pay rent to the government instead
New Neocon levelof low
YOU PAY EITHER WAY
what's wrong with that tweet?
ALSO
IF IT IS A WORKING FARM
GENERATE TAXES AND DEDUCT
that's gay
OR RUN A NOT FOR PROFIT
"military men and women"
it's a bland platitude
"the world"
Neocon on steroids
prozak if you are willing I would want to talk to you about the pros and cons of land ownership
IT WILL BE READ AS A GLOBALIST PLATITUDE
because there are definite cons
I AGREE THERE ARE CONS
INDEED
why can't people just be normal
THERE ARE MANY CONS
forget all of the mess they have accrued
HOWEVER, RENTING IS AWFUL
in their heads
Owning anything can be punishing in certain countries
But here, it really isn't
prozak
Even if you own huge amounts of land
land ownership = tax, HOA/ordinance, needing to do your own repairs, and worst of all being locked into one spot if the area ever becomes a bad place to live
i.e. in case of disaster, war, whatever
it's a huge financial liability in that it will not generate income for you as quickly as other investments, and is not liquid
i.e. if your house appreciates by 5000% you will still need to find a buyer otherwise that return is fictional
there are a lot of pros to owning land but I only do it for the cheapest land
it's only worth doing if it cost 1 month's salary or less and very low taxes
like a random few acres out in Montana or something
I was just referring to alt right people online
basically the more "choice" the land becomes, the worse it is to actually do - it costs more and there's more rules
I feel like these people are trapped in their ideas/movements/whatever
I don't expect objectivity from people
but I do expect composure
and fallot - my plan after seceding from society is to just do whatever the hell I want
probably become intensely involved in art & music
say whatever the hell I want without fear of consequence, hang out with whoever remains
probably remain semi nomadic
I don't agree with your motivations but the plan itself isn't bad
so maybe it'll work out to something good
what even are my motivations?
all I want is what I consider basic human freedom
your stated motivations I mean
it just requires being a hardcore sociopath to get there
that's the funniest part, I do not even enjoy being how I am. It is useful but I only turned out this way because my life directly forced me to, otherwise I never would've had any guile at all
that is part of why I hate the world so much, it forced me to become mini satan just to survive
I think we already had a productive conversation
by the way I'm very happy about that, thank you
I felt like I spoke to a real person
good
I think I'm fine with leaving it at that unless you want to continue
well, there's not much to say on the topic
actually, one more point
I don't know if you considered it
I think my narcissism is part innate, but hugely exacerbated by having to chronically lie
it's funny, what you said about your life
I'm in some ways the exact opposite too
if I am not narcissistic I will lose sense of myself entirely
I only turned out fine because I had a great life, otherwise I am predisposed potentially to being a pretty bad person
lie lie lie lie REAFFIRM SELF lie lie lie lie REAFFIRM SELF
no see
that is the fear, the wall
the barrier
there's something real beyond that
you keep responding to that fear, thinking you're doing something about it
you're not, you're just delaying things
of course, and if I became that person I would be impoverished instantly
because the ultimate issue remains unresolved
maybe you could become that way slowly
if I were real I would quit medical school yesterday and just start drawing comics and play guitar
I would just make art all day every day
and be poor
would you like to do that
I know a girl who is a professional artist, she is disney grade
if you could eke out a living
she lost weight due to starvation
hypothetically
she is better than I ever will be
but she lives with her parents and cannot afford enough food
is she happy
no
she started gradually becoming a tumblr SJW
oh well
last I saw she got an undercut
she posted stuff about how the mormon church should basically go SJW and I called it retarded and she blocked me on social media
it was like one of the only posts I even made this year
a lot of people with your affliction use this SJW stuff by the way
have you noticed?
yes
I used to think well of these people ultimately, because I thought they were motivated by love, even if they were massively wrong to the point of evil
and that hasn't changed for most of them
but plenty of people use it in a different way, anyway that's a pretty big topic and can get a bit self congratulatory in an alt-right context so nvm
I'm interested
there's not much to it
they just use it as a justification for being a good person
while beating up other people with those values and standards
but in truth, they don't really care about anything but their own selves
which are either gaping holes or gaping wounds
these are the types who binge drink and use drugs and MDMA every weekend
yeah, terminally unhappy people
and do lots of yoga mindfulness bullshit but still struggle with depression
all of that stuff they do looks to me like window dressing
camoflague
yes
well there is a certain depression that comes with it
I grew up around well centered, good, spiritual people
so even now I have a bit of naivete about this
I mean.... if you are never allowed to just be you, and everything you have to do to financially and socially survive requires systematically ripping out your natural behavior and feelings and replacing it with "useful" alternatives, it messes you up
I don't know, I have some sympathy
but at some level, their plight seems self chosen
that is why I am far healthier than them
I keep my true self hidden and carefully guarded, they just destroy it
even people who are normal @Deleted User 57835c2c , comparatively normal
at the end of the day I know who I really am and why I have more than a gigabyte of HD pictures of the northern lights on my computer and no porn
relatively at ease with themselves
even they create myriad false selves
these people don't have the slightest clue who they are but they hope it's someone other people can like
so I wouldn't count on it that what you've guarded is true per se
I would
the only way to know is to look deeply into it
which is frankly, an uncomfortable experience for most people
I do, often
like I told you about Ludvig
Pardon my interjection. Are there even a whole gigabyte of unique HD photos of the northern lights in existence to be curated?
yes
a gigabyte? that seems quite small
Ah.
esp HD
I guess. Maybe I'm thinking the Northern Lights occur much less frequently than they do.
they occur very often, based on your sentence
in my opinion Finland and Iceland have the best aurora
in the far north and south, depending on circumstance
they are a regular and frequent occurance
Oh. You can see them like every year! For some reason I thought they were like eclipses.
that's why there are pictures at all to be honest
a lot of weather phenomenon we still haven't actually photographed
I don't believe there is a single proper photograph of ball lightning
though a couple of less than satisfactory ones
I am more moved by beautiful landscapes than by most peoples' ugly stupid lives
try the way of love @Deleted User 57835c2c , not now
but some day
don't hate anyone, don't say anything bad about anyone
this is art https://i.redd.it/iqcw3vpkv9qy.jpg
if you feel great pain, accept it and do nothing else
never think badly about anyone
become baby jesus essentially
Jesus is not like that though
in the end times Jesus is going to come back and kill anyone who sucks
sure, just as an example I mean
be a truly innocent soul
i.e. fake it or whatever, force yourself to do that
become weak, a shmuck etc.
plagues, wars, poisoning the oceans, locusts, then coming out of heaven with a flaming sword and an angelic army to murder anyone still alive who sucks at all
no
I would rather be like Jesus than do that
it's an exercize really, you dont end up weak
the point is you break past your issues and become truly strong
rather than just evil
what does strength mean
not trying to "deconstruct," just be clear
I would say it means two things together, corresponding with inner and outer nature
the strength to overcome, and the strength to subsume/accept
without one, the other becomes meaningless
so truth and love together, is strength
the strength to overcome on its own can even be a kind of weakness
like a bully beating on schoolkids
the strength to accept can also be weakness
calmly watching the world go by, never acting
but both I think is true strength
I think a big part of the reason I am this way is that in my current life stage there is nothing I desire at all
there is no way to recombine the elements of my day to day life in a way that is at all pleasing to me
it's a fundamentally futile endeavour anyway
to mix and match
there is no scenario I can concoct in which commute, dress clothes, coworkers, boss, paperwork etc. becomes an enjoyable and fulfilling experience
you can't know what you really want when you're so focused on hiding from some discomfort
or dealing with some discomfort
therefore I do not even try and just become cycnical while scrambling for the exit
the #1 thing I want is no job
I'm not sure that would be fulfilling either
even if I have to eat nothing but lentils and sleep on bare plywood
in itself no, it will not
someone who is fulfilled is that way, to an extent, regardless of circumstance
but unlike job life it will let me be free to seek fulfillment
the party is still BYOB, but with a job I am not even invited to the party at all
again, I don't agree with your motivations, but it could work in some other way
the good life is not a puzzle in the sense of shifting pieces around
it's about the depths of a person's soul, and it can be found in extreme adversity even
or be absent in "complete freedom"
like say a true sociopath, no set of circumstances
will ever make a true sociopath happy
even total control over reality
they don't even know what satisfaction is, only dissatisfaction
it's like a blind man may not understand sight
but can still rue his blindness
I have been completely happy in the last 5 years
where I basically wanted nothing to change and was happy with my friends and life
that's a good start
welll, within the last 5 years
I can remember what it was like
PERSONAL HAPPINESS IS NOT THE QUESTION
SOCIAL STABILITY IS
HAVING A NON FAILING SOCIETY
PERSONAL HAPPINESS COMES THROUGH PURSUIT OF SANITY
that's a big part of it, yes
AND EVASION OF INSANITY
most of the reason I am so angry and think everything sucks so much is because I live in a society that encompasses the worst of capitalism and communism simultaneously, is ugly and filled with concrete and cars, and is filled with evil POC retards constantly drunk, high and sleeping around, and fat also
basically the pain in me is the pain of living in a dysfunctional time and place
it need not be that way though, which makes it less convincing
because you can realize all that and not be angry too
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