Not really about settling for less

Yeah that perfect person in your head doesn't exist

its important to put into perspective that your SO may have attributes that may be less than ideal. You need to decide if you can live with this. No one is perfect

Surely we all have deal breakers but i think its important to not have an infinite number of them

"you've got to learn to live with what you can't rise above if you want to make it down into this tunnel of love"-Bruce Springsteen

At the end of the day you're lucky to just find one willing to grow with you

"elbows too pointy. NEXT!"

Yeah, I think any well adjusted person realizes this.

Everyone is flawed and a work in progress

Does anyone know any good dating apps that aren't scams or structured like a gimmick

Idk man, the idea of dating apps is kinda flawed, like only broken women who can't get a date irl are on them in my experience.

Whitedate.net

It's just getting off the ground

Oh wow

Can't vouch for it

Just know it exists

Less than 2k members though

Wheat field update #3: Due to a continuing lack of women we have decided to fertilize the wheat fields. Will update again in 15 days.

how do you tell the difference between a girl just being nice to you/platonically friendly and her giving signs she's into you?

There's entire books about this sort of stuff, but just asking is probably the easiest option. If you don't want to be super obvious just ask her to do something alone with you.

tbh i'm not sure if I'm into her

there's a girl in my martial arts class who started at the same time as me

and all this time I have no idea if she's just been friendly with me or trying to subtley tell me she's into me

so I'm just hoping for some kind of wisdom so I could differentiate

Yeah if you're not really interested in her then I would just not even worry about it. Just do what you normally do and let her escalate things if that's what she wants to do.

>women
>escalating things
🤔

Well if you are not interested and she likes you and she never says anything that's not really your problem.

fair enough

@Gaius Mucius Scaevola look up IOIs (indicators of interest). Study these and eventually you’ll be able to tell on your own if she’s into you.

Newly single. Advice on looking for someone who could be considered "marriage material?"

And/or what should be some basic criteria to look for?

I might be biased, but, being an IE member is a good start

IE > general population

True, and I'd agree. But what would list as criteria to look for, in terms of character?

@SamanthaM I think some important qualities in a partner are:
1. Able to communicate with you comfortably.
2. Being able to separate who you are as a person apart from what your emotional state might happen to be at one particular time.
3. Looking to make you comfortable.
I think these 3 go both ways in a successful relationship.

@SamanthaM are you asking for yourself?

@SamanthaM being a single women in IE is an absolute jackpot. idk if you go to meet ups but if not you should. the people(men) who i have met here are top quality. in terms of your question, i'd say someone who conveys to you that they want marriage and kids in the not so distant future. as in, someone who expresses intent and does so routinely. someone who isnt afraid of commitment.

also someone with their career together. as in, they have a job they like and they have a path to advancement

guys need to be financially secure in order to be available for marriage/kids

Come on ladies. Wheat fields are standing by.

I just want to put this out there. I'm currently tied down, but if any IE girls need some dating profile pics I literally have access to thousands of acres of wheat.

It's almost ready too.

@micbwilli you're already married right?

No but I'm not looking. I just kinda see post here and check them out. I'm discord obsessive and can't stand unread messages.

I don't even know why I was added to this part of the server.

I'm not a lady bro... 😅

ya'll can still get married

no homo

Oh goyd I'm sorry bro!

No worries. 👌

The puppy avatar threw me off.

Is the new one better?

@micbwilli very unambiguous

@ThisIsChris @Zyzz Thank you for the advice. Yes, it would be nice to have an honest talk about career and finances. Not asking for a lot, but maybe it would be nice to know any prospective children could have a decent future.
Just looking for someone who would be "in charge," if that makes any sense?

@SamanthaM Of course, sounds like what I would describe as "a stable family oriented person", seems reasonable to me.

@SamanthaM Yeah i think the only responsible thing to do is to make sure your career/finances are in order prior to bringing children into this world. Nearly all women want a man who is "manly" as in they are masculine. A part of masculinity is the willingness and ability to lead or take charge

Ok, so honest question, and this is probably asking too much of someone, but I have the responsibility of taking over a family business. Ideally, it would be great if there was someone was interested in both kids, and a small business. Is that too high a criteria to look for?

@SamanthaM I don't think so, that's effectively what my wife and I are going for. Actually in my view I think it is quite normal as (professional and stable) people get older that they strongly consider having their own small business, and only don't do so if they have a great opportunity elsewhere.

i wouldnt force him into it, no. with that said he should be able to understand the opportunity you have and be willing to let you do what you need to do

he may want to pursue another career path and thats fine

@SamanthaM in reflecting on what @Zyzz says, I do think it's better to focus on finding a life partner apart from finding a business partner. If those line up it's a coincidence. There's other ways to keep your spouse close during the work day without them having to co-manage a business with you.

@SamanthaM would you be mobile with your business or would you need to stay where youre at? is it that he didnt want to live where you live?

@Zyzz Good question. Theoretically, I could move the business anywhere in the continental U.S., but the vast majority of our clients are in the Mid-Atlantic. Also, there are some family circumstances that prevent a major move.

@ThisIsChris What you and your wife have is definitely ideal. But you're right, it would be unfair to expect someone to make a career switch.

@SamanthaM my grandmother used to say "god closes one door and opens another". i would try to keep an eye out for the next one

@Gaius Mucius Scaevola it's all about reading their body langauge man. If you get eye contact or smiling that is very good. If she positions herself near you or so you can clearly see her that is good too. And if she touches you in any way that is a dead giveaway.

http://launch.newsinc.com/?type=VideoPlayer/Single&widgetId=1&trackingGroup=69016&playlistId=19132&siteSection=ktla_morningnews&videoId=25248279

"How to get out of the friend zone" ^^

The best way to get out of the friend zone is to not get in it in the first place. i.e. first impressions are important

they set the pace of the rest of the interactions

I have a little theory about the friend zone... your personality worked, your attractiveness didn’t... therefore, you are friend zoned.

In harsher words, stop being unattractive

Haha

yep ^

Or just being too much of a friend. Being too available, and too open, etc

Nothing makes them want you more than apathy

Or at least controlled apathy

Ex. Don’t message them back as soon as you are receiving messages, don’t act like it is all or nothing, desperation is a major “turn off”

True

Women crave attention more than anything else, so play it aloof and they will respond to you.

I found my fiancé on accident, remember those women you were friends with in school? That is a good place to start, perhaps unrequited love is why they stayed around you?

Just message them, your maturity and familiarity may be just what the doctor ordered.

Yea I think you are right on that analysis

@missliterallywho

Well his analysis too I suppose

@missliterallywho congrats again on the child

Yea I’ve still got a lot of growing up to do and need to work on making myself a better person physically and mentally before I’m ready for something.
.
Congrats on finding someone whom your love and your first child. That’s awesome you met them through IE

Same!

@missliterallywho Thank you for the advice! Yes, the idea of marriage can be intimidating. Makes complete sense. 😃 Congratulations on your first child!! That’s so awesome ❤️

@missliterallywho the ChadanChad?

(The Chad of Chads)

@Sherlock I had the same problem with finding a place to meet women and honestly I'm sorry to say it's really tough. I was looking for years and when I finally found her she's on the other side of the planet and everything is more difficult than I expected.

All that being said, they are out there. I of course recommend going to church. It's the best way in my opinion to find an actually traditional woman. If that's not your thing though you should still be setting aside at least one day per week to engage with a community of your choosing. Maybe your thing will be cars, hunting, bowling, or community gardening. The point is just get out there and grow your non-political social network. Even if what you do is a primarily male hobby people have sisters and daughters and they will be much more comfortable with you if you are part of their community.

Forget about all the PUA bull that people are selling on the internet. Social engagement and social proof is how you meet and attract women.

Also if you want to convert to Hardcore German Lutheranism I promised my girlfriend that I'd help her sister find a husband.

Haha I don’t reckon I’m much the religious type. I wish I were because like you said it would be a lot easier to meet a girl worth meeting. Thank you for the advice. Building a better social network does seem to be the key.

Agree with @Der Seeteufel - SD , PUA will only attract you to women who are attracted by PUA. I'd also reiterate what I said to @Sherlock in the other channel, that night classes are a great way to meet people. I meet my wife at a foreign language course.

Foreign language courses are great for this purpose since conversing with others is a goal of the course.

This was recommended to me by another IE member and I’ve found it very helpful.
Models: Attract Women Through Honesty https://www.amazon.com/dp/1463750358/

Isn't a lot of PUA stuff just social skills, though?

Yeah, but social skills written by guys who only figured out how to be social when they were 25

Any advice for messaging a girl on Instagram? Someone that has mutual friends followed me and I figured why not, she's cute and her page is free of thottery. She goes to the university I'll be transferring to next year. Obviously my intention would be to get to know her in person, but any tips for just making an attractive first impression?